Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

shocked to have to pay for food at inlaws wedding reception?

72 replies

DASNOTGUD · 29/10/2019 08:47

went to in laws wedding recently. we had to drive to registry office pay for pakring then drive for over half an hour on rough terrain to a restaurant and had to pay for our own meals. we are not that well off with children of our own, we were shocked as were other relatives. there was less than 20 of us, they are in well paid jobs with no kids. I have never been in this situation before, am i right to feel shocked about this? anyone got similar experiences?!

OP posts:

HUZZAH212 · 29/10/2019 09:44

Did you know about paying for the meal before? If not they were unreasonable. If yes then you could choose to not attend. The parking charges and driving, did you expect them to send a car or a helicopter to get you there? 🙄

OnlineShopping · 29/10/2019 09:49

Yes, I know! Although I now look at it in a sort of bemused comical way but we won’t be going back there for Christmas Day again now. It was the most expensive potato and quarter of a carrot ever.

thecatsthecats · 29/10/2019 09:52

Especially if the guest is struggling financially.

Well, since OP hasn't said that they couldn't eat for a week as a result of the bill (and paying for parking warranted a mention), I assumed that although not well off, this wasn't bankrupting...

It's my personal policy to laugh off the offences of cheeky fuckers and put a black mark against their names for future reference. Far better, IMO, than troubling myself with squabbling with them. Other opinions are available...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/10/2019 09:52

When did you realise you had to pay?- had you already ordered/eaten your food? If not I would have just left- CFs....do invite them round for food soon and let them know there cost of the ingredients.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2019 10:00

Very unreasonable and cheeky not mention it.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 29/10/2019 10:08

Surely they mentioned it first, like on the invitation?!
OP, can you clarify?
They can't just land a wedding reception bill on you without prior warning, as in all the weddings I've been to over the years I've never known to have to pay for your own dinner, I wou;ldn't be expecting it!.
I'm completely skint at the mo.
I'd feel like crying!
Twats.

Whoops75 · 29/10/2019 10:14

Did the guests talk about it after?
I would find it hard not to let this affect my relationship with them.

It’s very grabby

Soon2BeMumof3 · 29/10/2019 10:14

That's very tight fisted of them.

BadnessInTheFolds · 29/10/2019 10:20

I wouldn't mind this if
a) it was mentioned on the invitation in advance (sounds like it wasn't in this case)
b) I got to choose my own food- happy to pre-order but I'd want to pick my own choices!
c) it was in lieu of a gift

For you to find out on the day is exceptionally poor

skippy67 · 29/10/2019 10:21

How "rough" was the "terrain"??

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 29/10/2019 10:22

Awful if they had not given warning - and from your opening post, it looks like they didn't.

What would have happened if you hadn't had cash or a card with you?

I would have been very miffed at this.

ffswhatnext · 29/10/2019 10:26

If I knew beforehand that I would be paying, I wouldn't be bothered.
On the day I might not have my card with me, sometimes I just take out what I need, otherwise, I spend way too much. And I would possibly have to leave.

Travel, meh everyone has some travel involved when theres a wedding, even if you lived next door to it all.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2019 10:34

Bit weird yeah

Soon2BeMumof3 · 29/10/2019 11:01

Did you also get them a gift?

Gwenhwyfar · 29/10/2019 11:23

"next time they invite you to something, check the paying situation before accepting."

It was up to the bride and groom to let their guests know I think. Laying on food is the norm so if you're doing something different it's up to you to let guests know.
It wouldn't bother me for a local wedding as long as it's not too expensive, but if I was travelling from afar I might think twice. The important thing is to be told in advance.

charm8ed · 29/10/2019 11:36

It sounded as if they didn’t know beforehand they had to pay as all the guests were ‘shocked’.

HeyMissyYouSoFine · 29/10/2019 11:52

We took our few guest out to a restaurant afterwards - in walking distance and we paid for them all.

The restaurant was bit peeved as we didn't say in booking it was a wedding party.

If your expected to pay you should be warned IMO - so you can decide to attend with all the information.

I was taken back though when Best man and wife did expect us to pay for their hotel room - they chose a really expensive hotel as well - IL ended up paying as part of our wedding gift. They then complained about the hotel - they thought we'd paid for and they'd picked out- to us.

Cheeseandwin5 · 29/10/2019 11:53

When I go to weddings, my gift is normally cash, but I never put the money in until the end of the wedding / ceremony ( unless they are very close family/ friends).
I think mentioning thier wealth is poor from you, you wont now how much they earn or what expenses they may have so just expecting ppl to pay because you think they can afford it is rude.
Saying that for weddings there seems to be an understanding that food will be provided ( and drinks up to a point).
If people were unaware this was the case, than I am not surprised you were angry, also the splitting of the bill must have been a nightmare.

Confusedbeetle · 29/10/2019 11:56

I think this is very bad form. You have the size of wedding that you can afford to cater for. I would dream of asking guests to pay, except for maybe a pay bar in the evening

underground76 · 29/10/2019 12:01

Depends whether they told you beforehand that you'd be paying for your own meal. I suspect they thought that because they had fewer than 20 people it wasn't a formal 'wedding reception' as such but just a celebratory meal for people who wanted to join them, but they should have made that clear from the outset.

I think you're being incredibly precious to whine about paying for parking at the register office and 'driving for half an hour over rough terrain' though. It's hardly the Battle of the Somme, is it?

Ilovemypantry · 29/10/2019 12:06

Very poor show imo. An invite to a wedding reception (even just in a restaurant) is normally paid for by the couple (or parents) getting married. I would have been pissed off at having to pay too.

Drabarni · 29/10/2019 12:36

I'd have conveniently not taken much money, maybe a £5
Stingy sods.

BossAssBitch · 29/10/2019 12:43

My in-laws charge us to go to their million pound house for a tiny Christmas lunch

WTF

FluffyAlpaca19 · 29/10/2019 12:47

Unfortunately this type of behaviour is getting quite common now. The couple want an A list wedding without the matching bill so are lumbering their unsuspecting guests with the expenses.

It's really very simple imo, if you INVITE people to a celebration then you pay for them. If you can't afford it then you trim the celebrations down to suit your budget & forget the fancy bits.

If then you still can't afford the party then you pre warn your guests & say you'll catch up with them at the bar. People will then know they're expected to pay for themselves. They can then decide whether or not to attend or not.

Fireextinguished · 29/10/2019 13:17

We did this. Mostly to please family and friends who wanted to celebrate with us post a low key statutory ceremony - where even our children didn't come in and watch.

However we made it clear that everyone would be paying for themselves. We literally had no money and the wedding was very last minute decision.

Very grateful for our family and friends encouraging us to have the meal and taking the financial pressure off.

However it was all discussed before. With our finances I'm not having happy if it was forced on us as a guest last minute

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread