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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

shocked to have to pay for food at inlaws wedding reception?

72 replies

DASNOTGUD · 29/10/2019 08:47

went to in laws wedding recently. we had to drive to registry office pay for pakring then drive for over half an hour on rough terrain to a restaurant and had to pay for our own meals. we are not that well off with children of our own, we were shocked as were other relatives. there was less than 20 of us, they are in well paid jobs with no kids. I have never been in this situation before, am i right to feel shocked about this? anyone got similar experiences?!

OP posts:

dottiedodah · 29/10/2019 13:31

Never heard of this ! Lucky really as in all the Weddings/Anniversaries we have been to ,have always enjoyed a slap up meal with some wine ,and would then expect to pay for more drinks obviously! Surely the facts are you are invited along and take a present, means that they pay for the meal for you .As far as parking /Rough Terrain goes ,this is just par for the course really and you have to "suck it up" as they say !

dottiedodah · 29/10/2019 13:32

Obviously if previously discussed and couple not well off this would be different

inwood · 29/10/2019 13:34

Did you have any warning of this?

RhinoskinhaveI · 29/10/2019 13:38

It's like a bait-and-switch method to make other people pay for your lavish wedding

fuzzyduck1 · 29/10/2019 13:47

I went to a wedding like that. After the wedding went back to a pub where they had laid on a canteen type affair which we were expected to pay for. The invite did mention that if you wanted food you’d have to pay for it just before the line they didn’t want any gifts just money!

I found this especially insulting as I was the best man! And at the time my partner was a seamstress and we made the wedding dress for free.

BitOfFun · 29/10/2019 13:48

Rough terrain . Were you dropped off naked like Ed Stafford?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/10/2019 13:55

I have been to one wedding where the reception was a meal in a restaurant and we paid for our own - but that was explicitly stated on the invitation (and in discussion with the bride previously), so we knew and didn't mind. She paid for some of the drinks and if we wanted more, we bought our own.

As many PPs have said, it all hinges on whether you knew in advance that you would have to pay, or it was sprung on you at the reception.

But if you couldn't afford it, one has to assume that it was sprung on you or you would have declined anyway.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 29/10/2019 13:58

What, you had to drive yourself and pay for your own parking? The horror.

KatyCarrCan · 29/10/2019 14:07

I've known people to have a small wedding in a registry office and then family/friends paid for their own meals. I wouldn't be shocked unless no-one had mentioned it beforehand.

BeanBag7 · 29/10/2019 14:18

The only actual grievance here is paying for your meal.
Dont try to make it sounds worse by sounding horrified about the fact you had to drive for half an hour and pay for parking - how much was that, £2?

firstimemamma · 29/10/2019 14:24

That's awful imo. If they couldn't afford to pay for people's food then they should've either waited and saved until they could or cut costs (e.g. not so many flowers, cheaper dress) so that they could. There's no excuse.

Ginfordinner · 30/10/2019 22:06

Is @DASNOTGUD going to come back and tell us how the invitation was worded?

DippyAvocado · 30/10/2019 22:13

It is unreasonable to expect guests to pay for their own meal at s wedding full stop. If you can't afford to feed your guests, don't have any or at the most have a reception at home/church hall and ask guests if they would contribute a buffet dish.

ffswhatnext · 31/10/2019 11:19

Is @DASNOTGUD yet another reporter?
Would be nice to have some interaction considering the lack of detail provided.

BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2019 11:31

I also want to know more about driving for half an hour over rough terrain to the restaurant.

YABU to complain about paying for parking or driving to the registry office, you could have walked, or got public transport or a taxi if you didn't want to pay for presumably city/town centre parking?

But I do agree that it is rather unusual not to pay for guests' meals at your wedding.

Cosmos45 · 31/10/2019 12:15

I really don't understand the mentality of posting a thread and then not returning to it for an update or to thank people for taking the trouble to reply. And when they do return its a "sorry, i've been really busy" excuse, well if you're that busy why post in the first place?

ffswhatnext · 01/11/2019 08:50

Of course journalists aren’t going to get involved. They are too lazy to begin with hence posting on here.
Wonder what rag @DASNOTGUD works for.
You would think they would have the decency to post thanking people for their contributions.

Personally I also think these lazy ones should also hand over their wage. That might stop them when it hits them financially.

ShatnersWig · 01/11/2019 08:52

then drive for over half an hour on rough terrain to a restaurant

Where on earth was this? Half way up Ben Nevis?

theoriginalmadambee · 01/11/2019 08:59

How on earth can they be inlaws with no kids . Rough terrain .

covetingthepreciousthings · 01/11/2019 09:25

How on earth can they be inlaws with no kids

most observant poster. Hadn't even picked up on that. Brilliant.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/11/2019 09:30

I took it to be the OPs DH's brother or sister who was getting married, so would be her brother inlaw or sister inlaw. No kids required.

Saddler · 01/11/2019 09:40

Not sure what relevance the other stuff is apart from having to pay for the meal and not being pre warned which I think is unreasonable

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