to be upset by half term

[nomoreclue]

It happens every school holiday actually. Me and my kids (primary aged) have no friends! I play date constantly, make as much social effort as I can but when the holidays hit its silence. I know the other parents are playdating because of photos I see on social media. I reached out to the mum of one of my sons friends to see about a get together but she’s “so busy” but she’ll “try and squeeze us in”
Where am I going wrong? I feel pretty depressed today. My kids seem popular. They don’t have loads of friends but they’ve got a few good friends but we never get any school holiday offers. Is it just me? I just don’t know what to do. I’m seriously thinking of moving schools/areas just so we can get a fresh start and the chance of meeting new people! AIBU

In one week half terms all we want to do is relax, chill out and spend time together. I work term time only, long hours, so school holidays are precious to me. Christmas holidays are taken up with seasonal stuff and relative visiting, Feb half term regrouping, Easter is probably the first school holiday we'll actively seek out classmates for a catch-up.

Your kids have lots of friends at school they just have other things to do. Moving schools for the sake of holiday play dates is a very bad idea. YABVU.

If you’re DC have friends at school I don’t really see the issue. Just have fun as a family, why be so preoccupied with seeing other people? It sounds a bit like you’re the one who’s keen to get out and be on the play dates and suffering with FB FOMO more so than your DC. You’re social life and theirs don’t need to be co-dependent - definitely not a reason to move schools

I agree with the poster above, in the half terms I want to pause everything school related and that includes other people's children! I don't dislike them, it's just it's a time for everyone to have a break.

Yabu I resent every nanosecond spent with someone else's children in half term and I try to get away for them. I havent managed it this one.

You need to separate your children’s friends from yours a bit I think.
It sounds like you’re trying to arrange to see adults as well as children? I wouldn’t often be up for this. Could you just try and arrange play dates for your children and tackle your own social life separately?

Do your children share your views? If they aren't saying "Why can't we go to Emily's to play" and are happily doing their own thing maybe you need to look at your own social needs. Seek out someone for a coffee or an evening out. Join the pta or Become a parent governor if you have no childcare. There are options and pulling happy kids out of school might not be wise (if they are happy, obvs)

People vary a great deal on how they spend half-term, I think. Some kids don't want to do much at all, and just have a complete break (mine has never wanted to do much socialising in the holidays).
For working parents, if they've taken time off for half-term, they may prioritise catching up with the friends they made when on maternity leave, so there may not be time for their kids' newer friends. They'll probably also be fitting in shopping and family days out.
People may also be prioritising the friends they haven't had play dates with during termtime - perhaps because after-school activities and childcare arrangements mean there's no mutually convenient day.

You're taking this way too personally. I don't do playdates in half term, and that's not a reflection on how I feel about the DC's friends or their Mums at all. It's because, for me, school holidays are family time. It's nice to have a break from the relentlessness of playdates, after-school activities and birthday parties every other weekend. My DC see their friends every day in term time and I'm happy to host playdates after-school so I don't particularly feel the need to organise anything with their friends for half term. Why would you consider pulling your DC out of a school where, by your own admission, they have friends and are happy enough because you think it'll improve your social life? This seems to be much more about your wanting to widen your own social circle than about your DC. Perhaps you need to find ways to make friends independently of your DC instead of hanging everything on the mums of their school-mates.

Try to book plans with other parents early, I always found.

There are probably some play dates happening, but I would put bets on far more parents just taking a breather. Nothing wrong with needing a rest!

Oh god I hated meeting up with people over half terms.

My dcs are now teenagers but when they were in Primary they were popular enough. However I never went out of way to meet up with people. We all needed a break. The kids wanted to lounge around in their pyjamas late into the morning, we slept in a bit late, we took the dog out together, we went out for lunch and milkshakes, did the odd trip to their favourite shop.

I remember looking at the social media posts on snow days. Several of the mums who lived next door to each met up for sledging and hot chocolate. Constantly hashtagging #besties or #makingmemories.
I lived way further out into the countryside than them. We'd go out from a bit in the snow but the dcs were cold and bored after an hour or two so we'd go in and play boards games with a cup of tea.

The Primary days just all seemed like so much effort, and I was knackered.

Now they're teens. It hasn't seemed to effect their social life. The're off out with their friends and make their own arrangements. All I have to do is drive them around 70% of the time.

I'm the opposite I think from many school mums in that I found a great bunch of mum-friends from Secondary School who I really click with. I like spending time with them and make the effort. Their dcs aren't really in the same crowd as mine though 🤷🏻‍♀️.
It's that are old adage, just because you're dcs go to school together doesn't mean their mums will be your life long friends.

I have 2 DC and we only ever meet up with other parents/children in the summer holidays. That’s only my eldests best friend and his Mum. In the shorter holidays neither of us suggest it as we just chill. I feel like I get on with other parents in the playground of my eldest but still wouldn’t suggest meeting up with them, not sure my dc would want to. My youngest the parents all seem quite antisocial in the playground so I wouldn’t ever suggest meeting them

That's rotten, I'd feel bad too.

How about planning a string of activity playdates with yourselves? Examples: Day 1 - go to pool; Day 2 - bike ride; Day 3 - visit a local attraction; Day 4 - home baking; Day 5 - board games or crafts; Day 6 - farm visit.

With any activity outside the home your children may just play with the kids they meet.

At the same time, it sounds like you are the one who would like to have friends with similar aged children to do stuff together. can you use facebook groups or meetup to reach out beyond your school circle?

I sympathize. My ds friend's mum said couldn't meet us yesterday, as was taking her ds to dentist. It doesn't take all day to go to the dentist

Belay, you really can't take things like that personally though. She probably meant that her only spare afternoon has been unfortunately taken up with a dentist appointment. She really isn't lolling around in her pyjamas with a coffee all day until she has to leave for the dentist and then coming straight home to resume lolling about. Cleaning, life admin, looking after children and relatives, working, cooking, appointments, shopping, spending quality time with husband and her kids will all come above you.
Play dates come under what you do when you've done everything else for me.

Yes, I agree with you OP, it's shit.

I organise loads of play dates throughout term time including a regular homework club for 2 of his friends and during the holidays I struggle to find parents willing to reciprocate. They always say, 'I'll definitely have X over for a play date in the holidays' but as they have 2 plus children, and/or grandparents childminding for them, they don't really need the company so never get around to offering a firm date.

I'm not lonely either. I have plenty of adult friends and activities I go to during term time and hobbies to keep me occupied but during the holidays, my DS gets bored just having me for company, (and I want to get back to my Xmas gift sewing).

We live rurally so he can't play out on the street as his nearest friend lives over 2 miles away. (Think narrow Cornish type roads).

Why in the world would you actually actively try to see other mums and kids outside of school? Honestly just have a relaxing week off- go shopping, playgrounds, walks etc

I think there might be an element that if you are waiting until the half term, it's too late.

If you are arranging playdates in term time and people are accepting them, then I wouldn't think your DCs don't have friends, but it could be there are children in the class your DCs friends aren't able to have playdates with and so they are setting up playdates early on.

I set up one playdate for the half term 3 weeks before as it was clear between my 2 DCs activities and the other child's actitives/mum's work pattern, there was no evening after school we could do a playdate, so we booked a day in half term.

Perhaps as soon as we get into December, start asking who's going to be around over the Christmas holidays (alot of people go away) and try to book in 1 or 2 key friends for a playdate. (I find if you offer to take someone's DCs the week between christmas and new year when nothing is going on, if they aren't going away for Christmas, they accept)

I feel like this!. I am not very good at taking the lead and being the organiser though.

Plan activities in advance of half term and invite children's friends along. Lots of people do have half term 'sorted in advance'.

Don't worry about inviting the mothers. They can come if they like but don't make it out to be about you wanting to hang out with them.

eg) take swimming or for a big walk somewhere followed by back to yours for tea / film.

Perhaps there is a local theatre you could plan a trip to for a christmas show or xmas ice skating - do it in advance.

October half term is a bit of a strange one. The weather often isn't great (and people don't want lots of wet bored children hanging round in their house), the summer attractions have closed, the kids are very tired after the long burst of school following a long holiday, and some people use it as a last chance to fit in a 'holiday away' before the whole rigmarole of Christmas begins.

It's only a week too. By the time you've slotted in the things that you kept back for doing when you had more time (shoe shopping, uniform sorting, dentist/non urgent doctor appointments, getting the man in to fix that leak...etc etc)...there isn't that much time left.

Ds 5 is an only so it's nice for him to have other children for company at half term but if it doesn't happen then so be it! He is at his cousins house for tea later and is seeing a friend tomorrow but if these things weren't possible hed still have a good time playing and relaxing with me.

We always went away over half term. I think it's good to use a short break to just have a great time together and catch up with friends after.

The other mums might be slobbing in their pyjamas rather than being busy, but that's not personal to you - they just want the downtime, and have one or two other things arranged before Half Term.

But if you do want to do something, I agree with PP - don't leave it til HT to organise. If I've planned something most days of a week off, I like to leave the others free to play by ear when it comes around, otherwise it goes by so quickly!

Me and DH work FT, so the kids are always in childcare for 1/2 term (we save our A/L for Easter and Summer holidays). No playdates for us.

We’ve just had half term and spent it visiting family and going on a couple of days out to visit museums.
We also went to the library and parks and just relaxed at home.
We saw no friends and no friends contacted us to make any plans even though dcs have lots of friends and go to parties and play dates etc.
That’s how it normally is.

Be careful what you wish for OP. If your kids are perfectly happy pottering around at home, in each other's and your company don't get hung up on play dates . Imagine what it would be like if one of them was invited out to loads of things while the other wasn't. You'd have a bored resentful child to entertain rather than siblings getting on with entertaining themselves and each other.