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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by half term

64 replies

nomoreclue · 29/10/2019 08:40

It happens every school holiday actually. Me and my kids (primary aged) have no friends! I play date constantly, make as much social effort as I can but when the holidays hit its silence. I know the other parents are playdating because of photos I see on social media. I reached out to the mum of one of my sons friends to see about a get together but she’s “so busy” but she’ll “try and squeeze us in”
Where am I going wrong? I feel pretty depressed today. My kids seem popular. They don’t have loads of friends but they’ve got a few good friends but we never get any school holiday offers. Is it just me? I just don’t know what to do. I’m seriously thinking of moving schools/areas just so we can get a fresh start and the chance of meeting new people! AIBU

OP posts:

PhantomErik · 29/10/2019 10:17

I didn't make any plans with anyone over half term. DH was working most of it but on early shifts so home around 3pm. We went swimming & to the cinema as a family around 4 - 5pm & on DH's day off went shopping for school shoes, football kits etc that have been grown out of & had lunch out.

It was bliss. Lie ins, followed by lazy breakfasts. Getting dressed late & minimal housework.

The dc watched films, played with toys, played board games etc so very little stress.

Adding other kids into the mix often results in my dc falling out. I tend to jiggle play dates so if one of my dc gets invited out then I'll have another one over for one of my other dc so that it's easier all round. But that's after school or during summer holiday. Half term's too short.

I tend to be politely distant with other school parents & neighbours. It's no reflection on them though. I have a few good friends & a lovely family so don't really want any more.

EssexGurl · 29/10/2019 10:19

But OP is saying she sees other kids from her children’s school getting together as they post on social media. So it is not that they are all away, just doing things as a family. It is the fact that the play dates, social life is still going on - but they are not invited.

OP this is us. My DS is now at secondary and meets a mate for lunch maybe once in half term - but they play online so he still has that connection. My younger primary school child gets excluded from the meet ups. So it will be trick or treating on Thursday, large groups from school will descend on us for treats but we’re not invited along. And I do ask when people are going out, where are they meeting up. Usually no reply or a vague “we’re not sure yet”. So I try it just doesn’t happen.

So, OP I feel your pain but no advice, sadly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2019 10:21

I think a lot of people make plans way in advance. This is where you’re probably going wrong. If you want your kids to see others, you need to invite them over.

With dds summer holiday this year, I was very much on the ball, so much so that I genuinely found it hard to schedule anyone else in. As the sahm, despite being chronically ill I did a lot of grunt work and found it easier to target kids, whose parents are very laid back, probably work so my taking them would save them hassle / money as kids get bored being stuck in play schemes all the time. Then as they are decent parents, they reciprocated as much as possible.

northerngirl2012 · 29/10/2019 10:32

Go out and do a few child friendly things together, on alternate days. The days in between, stay home, go for a walk, cinema, baking, films etc. Lower cost and expectations to plan.

Mine are teenagers now but we met up with friends as a family on Monday. The rest of the week, is downtime, other stuff planned for next weekend.

Doggodogington · 29/10/2019 10:44

We don’t do play dates, I want to do things that suit me and don’t want to plan around other people. I have a few friends who meet up for play dates all the time, like they can’t do anything with their children by themselves. That’s not for me thanks, maybe you have friends that aren’t fussed on play dates?

Doggodogington · 29/10/2019 10:46

Or maybe the mums are friends outside of school and not just because their DC are in the same class?

PumpkinP · 29/10/2019 10:49

Mine have never been invited to play dates or birthday parties. I think sometimes people only invite people they are friends with not just their children’s friends.

Drabarni · 29/10/2019 10:55

Do you mean that you do lots of play dates for other kids, but yours don't get invited?

If so this is awful and you should stop doing it. This happened to us once, working parents used us for play dates but never reciprocated.
So half terms plenty to play with but nobody during the school week.
I stopped in the end as it was like a one way child minding service in the end.

I do agree with the above too, sometimes parents invite their friends and kids, not the other children, it sinks though.
At least you know now and can make your own arrangements for the holidays.

notmytea · 29/10/2019 10:56

When are you organising them? We had playdates this half term but we had them pencilled in a few weeks before, so it could be you're leaving it too late and everyone is already booked up?

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/10/2019 10:59

Just wanted to say I am lucky to work term time only and I have a dd aged 7...we never see anyone from school on half term or indeed the huge summer holidays.This is our time together when we plan our days just us girls (and dad and big brother too if they are off work). It was always my intention that its our time and we make it count,Like yesterday we went to a free event run by our local museum then as the day was so lovely we went to buy some food and had an inpromtu picnic in the park with a hot chocolate from starbucks...it was a lovely fun day and the picnic was spontaneous.I dont really want to share our time with others from school ...

EleanorReally · 29/10/2019 11:06

make your own plans op

Myotherusernameisbetter1 · 29/10/2019 11:08

Have you just tried to plan things this week or have you attempted to arrange in advance? If you're attempting to arrange things short notice then that's probably where you are going wrong. My half term has been planned weeks in advance due to shift work, and others may be the same.

I've had 2 play dates this half term planned well over a month in advance, then we've had to fit in pumpkin carving, trick or treating, a christening and the usual cleaning, tidying, swimming, gymnastics batch cooking as well as 2 days of holiday camp. If you were my friend and you had have asked me this week or last for a play date, I too would have said no sorry I'm too busy.

I would love to be able to be more spontaneous however shifts and busy friends means I need to arrange things well in advance. I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe get things booked in much earlier next time

yellowallpaper · 29/10/2019 11:09

You sound too needy and unable to have confidence in your own parenting. Your kids see their friends all year so it’s nice they can have close family time in the holiday. For every pic you see on SM there are a dozen just chilling out and not posting. If you are lonely maybe get a job

Kitchendiscodiva · 29/10/2019 11:11

How about joining social events like a local fireworks show or a halloween event, something for kids to look forward to whether their school friends are there or not. Take them Trick or Treating? Don't put so much emphasis on having to have others around too.

ChicCauldron · 29/10/2019 11:12

You don't say what your children want though, OP - is this coming from them or you!

Seems a complete over-reaction to change schools over it. My DD never wants to see her friends but just wants to chill!

HeyMissyYouSoFine · 29/10/2019 11:12

Making your own plans OP is really all you can do.

We've had this - got worse when DD1 was old enough to try and arrange things herself - her friends clearly wanted to and I was clearly game but nothing happened. We've moved since then and there all older so it's easier for her to sort things now.

All we could do was find local things on and book them up and about quater of the time you'd find their friends there as well - so they got to see and play with them rest of time they did something interesting.

mamandematribu · 29/10/2019 11:18

My dc get invited to parties and do attend some of them, no way would I want to see these kids and mums on a play date though.

CheeryB · 29/10/2019 11:18

Mine are grown up now, but living quite some distance from school I wasn't really 'friends' with other school mum's. I didn't feel the need to have what are now called playdates. We relaxed at home, played games, DH might take the odd day off work to spend a day out somewhere. I'd honestly rather have been at home painting or baking with them than in a play venue with dozens of people. Neither did I relish having other people's children around my house demanding attention. In short, I enjoyed us being at home, at leisure, with no demands except for those of my own children.

HeyMissyYouSoFine · 29/10/2019 11:19

We moved areas for work reasons - and I wouldn't recommend it for this situation.

Kids have settled well - though with one it took time but we're in an out of catchment school,as you have to go where there are places, so they don't see others at weekends and evenings or holidays much either.

It's also proven harder to get to know other parents - even for a quick chat at school events.

TheFallenCamal · 29/10/2019 11:22

My 5 year old has been ill, basically I think the long half term caught up with her and she became ill so I have cancelled everything this week apart from her usual holiday contact with her dad at the end of the week.

We're still in our pyjamas, pottering, playing and resting whenever she feels like it. I am actually glad we have no structure for a change!

PumpityPumpPump · 29/10/2019 11:26

Following with interest.

HeyMissyYouSoFine · 29/10/2019 11:33

I suspect it's not the odd quiet week but more it happening every holiday.

When my DC were younger DH was often out house 10-12 hours or away completely and no family nearby and when they were young they were better behaved out the house - often arguing in it but choosing to play together in different locations.

I was lucky councils put some things on and there were local things we could get out and do. They are happier with more days in now they are older.

Linnylinn1 · 29/10/2019 11:37

Yabu most ppl I know see half term as family time, we go away for 4 days today. A lot of ppl I know are on holidays abroad or gone to their second homes too. Others just do days out and about as a family. My dh and I take most school holidays off.

Beautiful3 · 29/10/2019 11:38

During the holidays I love to relax and not organise playdates. Dont take it personally. Maybe sign them up for holiday clubs? To give them something to look forward to.

Beautiful3 · 29/10/2019 11:41

Forgot to say, dont move to find new friends. You will find some, why dont you join a group with like minded people? Find friends away from school. You child will make friends in holiday clubs, if you take him. Theyll be in the same boat, bored and wanting to play with others over the holidays.

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