Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can say what I want on my own personal Facebook page

102 replies

kazzy1988 · 28/10/2019 18:09

I live in a a small costal town which is mostly seasonal, my dh works in a very popular and busy fish takeaway so when the kids are off this is his most busiest time, eg during the summer we see him 1 day a week, the rest he's working at least 10 hours days. I used to work with him but quit a few years ago as working so much and trying to bring up our dc was getting to much, became a running joke that we saw more of the dc during the winter rather then summer hols, he's not allowed anytime off during school holidays. I now work part-time in a pub and only work school hours, so have every weekend off, my boss rang me today asking me what I would like to work over Christmas and new year as she know I like to spend it with my dc, I didn't mind what I worked just not Xmas day, she said she would cover my Christmas shifts if I could work new years day, I agreed as we don't go out for new years and I'm not a drinker so wouldn't be hangover anyway, after the phonecall I just put on my own Facebook that having such a nice boss who understood how important my dc are to me and will always bendover backwards to make sure I'm there for them is such a nice thing to have and is so rare these days. I didn't tag my dh in the post but I still have a few people who work with my dh on fb as they are still quite a big part of my life, well my dh rang me asking me to take the post down as his boss had seen it and was having a hissy fit saying that was was putting him down and saying it looks like he doesn't treat dh with respect or let him have time off, well in the truth he's doesn't let dh have time off with the kids, he even kicked off the other week when dh took a week off, trying to say they were too busy and he would have to work all weekend, the whole point of having a week off was to spend the weekend with the dc as he hadn't seen them all summer but the boss had 2 weekend off during the summer to spend with the dc even tho they are older teenagers were ours dc are all under 10,
Aibu in refusing to take the post down, it has nothing to do with my dh and his work and purely me saying how grateful I am for having such a nice and understanding boss,

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 29/10/2019 10:56

WooomanMoomin
It's the very example of passive aggression.

The problem with people who post things like that on social media usually think they're being oh so clever and subtle and "just posting something nice ..." But the reality is most people see right through it and then said posters pretend they're the victim because "I only said something nice... Why would they think it's about them".

LuckySeventhWave · 29/10/2019 11:03

The police advised me that you can write whatever you like about someone on your own Facebook Wall whether public or set to Friends Only privacy.

This can include any level of vitriol unless it constitutes ‘hate speech’ ie racism, ageism, terrorist incitement, etc.

But you are not allowed to publish comments about someone on a Public Facebook page ie in a FB chat group, hobby group, forum, anything that’s set to Public viewable. You can then be arrested for harassment if it is expansive or regular posting about an individual.

My sister and ex created FB hate campaigns about me, and it was only when the new harassment law came in that included the above, that they both instantly halted their campaigns.

RedRec · 29/10/2019 11:16

It is clearly a dig at the chip shop manager. Very transparent. And embarrassing for everyone who reads it, not just those involved.

EhhWellINever · 29/10/2019 11:26

You're free to post what you want to, but you take the consequences that may go with it.
This!

dh loves his job, other staff and the customer so is just sticking it out till he goes, he will then be in charge
Loves that more than the ability to see his own children? Sad. If the boss is such a tyrant and it was affecting family like in such a manner I would hope my DP would look for another job that allowed him more freedom.

LolaSmiles · 29/10/2019 11:28

lucky
What you CAN do within the law and what someone SHOULD do to behave as a reasonable adult are two different things.

Within certain parameters people can post what they like, but they can't then complain or play the victim if and when evidently drama llama/shit stirring/ passive aggressive posts are picked up on and there's fall out.

Someone I went to school with airs their entire relationship dramas on social media, but then seems surprised that her friends and family don't like her long term partner. She hasn't the intelligence to work out that if your social media flies between why your "hubby" is the bestest daddy in the world and you have loads of date nights, and "ffs Darren" / "real dads are there for their kids" that maybe people aren't going to like him

Or a former colleague who had done a long week at work post, but so evidently referred to an incident at work, who seemed surprised when her manager (who she had added) had to speak to her about professional conduct.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2019 11:32

If it's getting your Dh into trouble and he asked you to take it down then I think you're BU not to.

His Boss does sound like an asshole though, your DH should be looking around for another job

CharlottesPleb · 29/10/2019 12:05

Don't post things on facebook that could be compromising to your career or those of your family.
Don't leave things on facebook that are causing anyone in your family problems.
Don't consider comments private that you have made visible to the subject of the comment.
Don't post things on your Facebook wall, or most of the web, that are private communications.

Confusedbeetle · 29/10/2019 12:12

Posting on facebook is publishing and you might as well walk down the road with a sandwich board. Think about the impact on other people. You are not having a chat with a friend

Honeybee85 · 29/10/2019 12:16

WTAF? Does his boss have time to check out his employees’s partners Facebook? What a weirdo.

He doesn’t dictate what his employees’ family post on Facebook as long as they are not directly verbally attacking him or his business.
I would consider this as harassment.

LolaSmiles · 29/10/2019 12:25

honeybee
He doesn't have to go checking anything out.
If people post on social media then they know it will appear on their friends' newsfeeds and people talk.

It's not harassment at all. It's a basic lesson in don't post stupid stuff on social media and then seem surprised when people respond to it

TeaStory · 29/10/2019 12:28

Ugh, I hate it when people make everything about them.

Time to review your friends list, sounds like someone showed it to your husband’s boss to wind him up.

You won’t get great advice here though, MN-ers like to compete about who hates Facebook the most - you’ll be judged as U just for having a profile! Grin

RadicalFern · 29/10/2019 12:34

It's really a bit of a stretch for your DH's boss to read your statement as a criticism of his own practice. If he's got a guilty conscience that's his lookout.

I also think that celebrating good bosses/colleagues/friends/family on Facebook can be really nice and encourage general positivity. I want people to know the kind things that have been done for me or other family members, and celebrate good things and good news.

Honeybee85 · 29/10/2019 12:35

@LolaSmiles
I don’t know about the laws in the UK but in my home country it’s forbidden to google or snoop around the social media pages of potential employees as it as seen as a severe breach of their privacy. So from another perspective, even a legal one in some countries, giving your employee a hard time over something his wife has posted on her Facebook page, something that you cannot proof it is directed at your or your business, can definetly get you in trouble as an employer.
And rightly so in my opinion.

Anotherlongdrive · 29/10/2019 12:37

I'm happy I have such a understanding boss and can now plan my Christmas, I spent 12 years working for this man and everything had to be about him, even when me and dh got married we had to have a winter wedding because he wouldn't let us have a week off together otherwise, when I had my dc he kicked off about paying maternity pay even tho I had worked 40+ hours every week for 5 years

OP do you need to add a paragraph here or did the post then go on to moan about your old boss.

I am not a stickler for grammar, at all. I am dyslexic and struggle myself.

But the comma after Christmas suggests the rest of this was on you post.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/10/2019 12:43

Facebook really does bring out the attention seeking teenager in adults

BinkyBaa · 29/10/2019 13:02

MN hates facebook so I can see why you're getting so many people telling you to take it down. While I agree the post was a bit pointless, I also agree you can post what you like. It had nothing to do with your DHs boss, he needs to grow up.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 29/10/2019 13:02

Don’t play the victim. You knew exactly what you were posting, and it comes across as very childish.

Brefugee · 29/10/2019 13:05

unfriend them all and your DH can tell his boss that if he feels that's a low blow then he must be feeling guilty.

LolaSmiles · 29/10/2019 13:05

MN hates facebook so I can see why you're getting so many people telling you to take it down.
I don't think MN does hate Facebook. I just think there's enough sensible women on here who see the amount of conflict and drama caused by the misuse of social media that they roll their eyes at yet another attention seeking/passive aggressive type post.

penisbeakers · 29/10/2019 13:25

Oh for god's sake. It's your page and you can say what you want, your husband's boss needs to get the fuck over it.

JacquesHammer · 29/10/2019 13:27

MN hates facebook so I can see why you're getting so many people telling you to take it down

I don’t hate FB. I work with FB on a daily basis.

What I think is when there is a very simple course of action that would reduce a potentially difficult situation it’s foolish not to do so under the guise of “its mine I can do what I want”. So much drama for so little return.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/10/2019 13:32

I love FB, but I don't post passive aggressive idiocy on it since I'm not 12.
What's the bets that your post was screen shotted and passed around your small town with lots of people following the am dram of you hating your husband's boss?

ChicCauldron · 29/10/2019 13:33

YABU and it is a passive-aggressive dig at your old manager clearly, with no regard for the consequences for your DH - lovely!

If your DH does a job that depends on seasonal trade then it's no surprise that time off will be either barred or extremely limited during the busy season. It can't be that bad a place to work if you were there for twelve years and your DH is still there!

greypetex · 29/10/2019 15:19

MN hates facebook so I can see why you're getting so many people telling you to take it down.

Nothing to do with hating Facebook. You sound about as mature as OP Hmm

Anotherlongdrive · 29/10/2019 15:24

OP can say what she wants on her own Facebook. But people can react how they want as well.

It was a dig at her DHS boss and she knows it. Possibly not the first time, I would guess.