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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can't decide if this is a good idea or not for our Halloween wedding..

158 replies

fee1234 · 28/10/2019 14:20

We are planning to get married on Halloween next year in our local town hall. We just want a cheap and cheerful event, with a nice big party after for all our family and friends. We met at a Halloween party years ago so it's a special day for us. We were thinking of telling people it's fancy dress code too, as we will be running with a Halloween theme for the day (pumpkins etc). I know it's tacky, but I want a fun wedding where people don't need to spend a fortune on a new outfit and will remember it.

A close relative is getting married next year and is having a very expensive, full frills wedding, requiring most guests to stay a night or two, and I feel like a low key, fun wedding would be a welcome contrast to that.

So my question is, if you received a wedding invite for Halloween with fancy dress code, would you be happy to dress up? I was thinking of incentivising with prizes for best dressed..?

OP posts:
ChicCauldron · 29/10/2019 08:01

You mean that you expect all your guests to dress up but you are going to wear a traditional wedding dress and not go with the Halloween theme yourself?! I hope you are going to tell them that!

cherryblossomgin · 29/10/2019 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherryblossomgin · 29/10/2019 08:03

Sorry wrong post.

Sneezewitch · 29/10/2019 08:05

Oh ignore the killjoys, I would love it and so would all my family

fee1234 · 29/10/2019 08:06

Thanks for the replies. Interesting to hear from those who have been to similar weddings!

I will test the idea with some of our guests. My parents love the idea of spooky accessories, my DM is very self conscious of her weight and appearance and was delighted at the prospect of wearing a dark coloured or velvet dress. Many of our guests were actually at the Halloween party we met at, and we thought about displaying some of the photos from that day of everyone dressed up on a 'trick or treat' table with lots of sweets, toffee apples etc. The day will have a very autumnal feel with lots of pumpkins and autumnal flowers in the room. The photo booth idea is a good one so I'll be looking into that as well.

OP posts:
ButteryGarlic · 29/10/2019 08:08

Haven't read the whole thread...

I would love to be invited to a Halloween themed wedding and would go all out on a costume. Unfortunately most people are miserable when it comes to fancy dress so won't want to do it.

Could you ask for a colour theme for clothes instead? Ask everyone to wear black? And then if you have a box of fancy dress stuff etc it gives people an option to go that step further if they want to?

HauntedPinecone · 29/10/2019 08:10

Go for it! I would love this. It's incredibly easy to throw something together at little expense. A black dress and some cat ears for a quid. A red dress and some devil horns. It sounds fun.

toomanypillows · 29/10/2019 08:10

I totally agree with the idea of a photo booth and some props so people can engage in the theme if they want (and I bet lots do)

My friend had a Lord of the Rings themed wedding - the bridal party all wore "costumes" in that style (which was actually quite nice and ended up looking rather renaissancy)
They had an optional fancy dress offer to guests which most people didn't bother with - apart from the guy who went full Orc.

It was a great costume, but he was literally the only person dressed up. It was embraced, of course, but I wonder if a lot of people would not know how far the theme could go and end up feeling out of place

Skyejuly · 29/10/2019 08:11

Rule number 1 is its YOUR wedding. If they dont like it then they don't dress up or don't go. Weddings are not meant to please everyone!

CoraPirbright · 29/10/2019 08:11

I would suggest in the dress code “a hint of Halloween” so people could wear their normal wedding gear but add in something like a sparkly spider brooch, a little bat in the hair or black nail varnish? I am imagining the ushers all looking normal then flashing fangs!! What fun!

AllStarBySmashMouth · 29/10/2019 08:12

I'd love to go to a fancy dress wedding! But I'm a cosplayer so I'm probably bias Grin

SpoopyStuff · 29/10/2019 08:14

I love the idea of inviting people to accessorise with autumnal or halloween features, so long as it's an invitation rather than a request!

LynetteScavo · 29/10/2019 08:17

DH definitely would not dress up.

I would, but in a very subtle way,

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/10/2019 08:20

I’d love this OP, far preferable to the angst involved in smart wedding outfits/shoes/make up etc and far cheaper

SpiderCharlotte · 29/10/2019 08:25

Oh ignore the killjoys, I would love it and so would all my family

Well, presumably you're not going to the wedding, so perhaps the OP shouldn't base her wedding on what you would like? It's ok for other people to have a different opinion to you and me, it doesn't make them killjoys. The OP asked for opinions.

OP, I love Halloween and would absolutely love a Halloween themed wedding, but I think you could possibly have a lot of people decline if you asked them to dress up. It's your wedding of course, but it would be a shame of people didn't want to come just because of that. I agree with PP"s that a 'nod' to Halloween may be preferable to the majority of guests. Autumnal decorations/pumpkins would be gorgeous and you could have lots of little Halloween touches around the hall? Whatever you do, I hope you have a fabulous day.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 29/10/2019 08:30

It really fucks me off the people saying you're a kill joy or miserable for not wanting to do fancy dress. I hate it, even as a child I hated it.

If I received an invitation to a wedding that was fancy dress, my first question would be is it compulsory?

I'd echo a PP too on whether there's kids going. My eldest is terrified of people dressed up and even some Halloween masks are scary for a small child. If we were invited as a family I'd either decline or not bring the kids. Obviously if you were my sister/best mate/etc this isn't that easy!

TooManyPaws · 29/10/2019 08:39

Perhaps suggest more gothic type outfits? Lots of lace, velvet and dark colours - perfect for a late autumn/early winter wedding.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/10/2019 08:45

It sounds absolutely brilliant OP. I usually swerve traditional (boring in my opinion) weddings, but I’d definitely go to yours and dress up to the nines! A dressing up box is a great idea for people who are unsure about turning up in fancy dress (possibly embarrassed about being ‘the only one’) but want to get into the spirit on the day. Maybe a suggested colour theme/palette of black, orange, green or purple for people who really don’t want to dress up as such? Have a great time!

LILLYSHILLINGS · 29/10/2019 08:49

Yes to the Gothic theme! That would be amazing.

DrinkReprehensibly · 29/10/2019 08:58

I was employed to work at a fancy dress wedding once (musician... Didn't know the people). It was strangely downbeat and quite clear everyone hated being in the costumes and having to dress up. It was a very odd day!

Personally, I'd decline unless it was someone close.

onanothertrain · 29/10/2019 09:00

I do think it would be tacky and is likely to make a lot of your guests uncomfortable especially if you're not even going to be in fancy dress. Telling people what they have to wear to your wedding when you turn up in traditional bridal wear makes you a bit of a CF. However it's your wedding so do what you want but it seems a bit mean to come on here and ask people to agree with your choice of wedding when you're making sly digs at your relatives choice of wedding. I know which I'd rather go to.

malificent7 · 29/10/2019 09:06

Just say dress up if u want...no biggie

Grasspigeons · 29/10/2019 09:10

Id dress up but mamy would hate it. I see its been suggested but a photo booth with lots of halloween props would be a great option.

BelfastNonBlonde · 29/10/2019 09:15

Maybe just provides dressing up box of random bits and bobs that people can pick as choose from for the evening. Rather than have everyone wear or bring a separate costume
Will be fun and good for pics but not a burden for anyone

Userzzzzz · 29/10/2019 09:18

While it’s your wedding, think about both sets of parents and what they might feel comfortable with. By the sounds of it your I laws might not be that happy. Also think about pictures. Some of our wedding photos were the last nice ones of grandparents that have now died. They really are a record of family history and just think carefully about whether you’d be happy in 20-30 years with pictures of people in costume, possibly with masks where you can’t see faces etc. You might be fine with that. In which case crack on but do think it through.

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