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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can't decide if this is a good idea or not for our Halloween wedding..

158 replies

fee1234 · 28/10/2019 14:20

We are planning to get married on Halloween next year in our local town hall. We just want a cheap and cheerful event, with a nice big party after for all our family and friends. We met at a Halloween party years ago so it's a special day for us. We were thinking of telling people it's fancy dress code too, as we will be running with a Halloween theme for the day (pumpkins etc). I know it's tacky, but I want a fun wedding where people don't need to spend a fortune on a new outfit and will remember it.

A close relative is getting married next year and is having a very expensive, full frills wedding, requiring most guests to stay a night or two, and I feel like a low key, fun wedding would be a welcome contrast to that.

So my question is, if you received a wedding invite for Halloween with fancy dress code, would you be happy to dress up? I was thinking of incentivising with prizes for best dressed..?

OP posts:
aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 28/10/2019 16:37

Maybe say 'fancy dress is optional, but would love it if you're up for a but fancy dress'

Mummytoonlychild · 28/10/2019 16:38

Can I come to your wedding that sounds so fun I do agree optional dress up and a dress up trunk are a great idea

TerribleCustomerCervix · 28/10/2019 16:40

Hmm I’m not sure the “optional fancy dress” would work tbh.

I’ve been to those kind of parties before and 90% of guests haven’t bothered their arses to dress up, meaning the two or three guests that did dress up feel like tits walking round dressed as Spider-Man or whatever when everyone else is in their civvies.

nevernotstruggling · 28/10/2019 22:09

I love the idea. I would love to go to this wedding and it's so meaningful. My local charity shop has a huge display of donated costumes it's not a huge spend. It sounds so fun

Popc0rn · 28/10/2019 22:34

I wouldn't look forward to a fancy dress wedding tbh, I don't have any fancy dress outfits and would feel self conscious.

Just a suggestion, what about making your own DIY Halloween themed photo booth?

Set up a camera with a timer, order a few spooky props from Ebay, sorted!
Loo

YourOpinionIsNoted · 28/10/2019 22:38

Oh god no. No no no.

Gertie75 · 28/10/2019 22:40

I've been to a Halloween wedding, it wasn't fancy dress though, the only downside was because it was so close to bonfire night there were local displays organised so us and a few other guests who own dogs who are terrified of fireworks didn't go to the reception.

PurpleDaisies · 28/10/2019 22:40

Asking people to wear specific colours is worse than optional fancy dress.

Absolutely hate this idea, although if you were my friend and invited me I’d politely accept without saying anything negative

Popc0rn · 28/10/2019 22:40

Something like this, but with a costume box of props instead of those stick things?

Can't decide if this is a good idea or not for our Halloween wedding..
MorganKitten · 28/10/2019 22:43

I’ve been to a Halloween wedding, everyone dressed up.

RachelEllenR · 28/10/2019 22:53

I'd love it!

DarkMutterings · 28/10/2019 23:00

If you're going traditional then I think you can't enforce fancy dress on others. I think fancy dress rarely works well and the only times it works is when the bride and groom go all in and embrace it. They sort of set the tone.

So I think a spooky theme could work versus Halloween, (although could kick off a lot of 'can I wear black to a wedding' threads!Halloween Wink)
I'd expect a lot of gothy glam from the ladies, dark suits from men, dressed up kids and possibly one or two OTT mates. People would happily use props for photos but unlikely to put on fancy dress clothes. And a face painter is a great idea, a friend of mine does this and creates incredible zombie faces for Halloween.

drspouse · 28/10/2019 23:02

I would love it. I love informal DIY fancy dress and I'd only wear a not particularly expensive dress even if new so I'd happily put on a wig and a cape.
Lots of kill joys on this thread!

LucheroTena · 29/10/2019 06:50

I would love it. I hate formal wear so fancy dress would be a welcome change. But I think you would need to join in, a formal bride and groom wouldn’t work. You could wear a black or red coloured wedding dress for example and groom in all black. Or a vintage bohemium lace dress if you wanted a light colour. If you want traditional bride and groom then I would not have a dress code for guests but instead have fancy autumnal decorations, piles of pale pumpkins everywhere, pale pumpkin and autumnal leaves table decorations.

dreaming174 · 29/10/2019 07:00

Rather than 'halloween' theme, couldnt you do more autumnal, with pumpkins and autumn colours?
Also, people have to either make or buy Halloween costumes, way too much effort for a wedding. It would massively put me off.

SimonJT · 29/10/2019 07:05

My friend got married on halloween last year, it was a fancy dress wedding, everyone dressed up and it was good fun.

He throws a big halloween party every year, his wedding didn’t have a particular theme, my son and I were Aladdin and Abu (we’re brown). Everyone dressed up, it doesn’t have to be hard or expensive either, a black outfit, ears and drawn on whiskers make a fairly decent witches cat.

Lysianthus · 29/10/2019 07:21

If you do decide to go for it, then now would be a great time to send out the "save the date" cards, because all the Halloween gear from this year will be on sale come 1 November and people could buy really cheaply. Good luck with the planning, very exciting! 🎃

Morgan12 · 29/10/2019 07:29

Have some nice Halloween touches for sure but don't do the whole fancy dress thing.

Halloween comes every year and you only get one wedding day. Make it more about the wedding than Halloween.

sashh · 29/10/2019 07:30

How about, "Dress code is Halloween, Halloween costume ios welcome but optional, if you would like to get into the spirit of the day black clothing is preferred but the most important thing is that you join us for our special day"

Covers everyone but gives preferences, you will probably have children in costume.

VanCleefArpels · 29/10/2019 07:34

Do you really want pictures of people in full on zombie makeup etc on your sideboard for the rest of your days?? Ridiculous idea even if some of your guests might be up for it

VaguelySkeletal · 29/10/2019 07:46

I would find a dress code more restricting than "We would love you to come in Halloween-themed fancy dress, but it's entirely optional". If I didn't fancy a full motley, I might dress elegantly and bring an elegant fancy dress accessory, such as a Venetian mask or Morticia hat. Whatever I wore, I think I would enjoy finding a selection of similar, classy, fancy dress accessories at the wedding.

Just one question, though - are you sure you want people in black with mourning veils at your wedding? Grin

Countryescape · 29/10/2019 07:50

No!! A wedding doesn’t need a “theme “. The wedding is the theme. Unbelievable...

Gillyhicks · 29/10/2019 07:54

Do you really love Halloween?
I know you met at a Halloween party but just checking that Halloween is really something you love and not just where you met. I met my partner at a coffee shop and I love coffee but I wouldn’t plan a wedding around it.

Also maybe think if you’d like your wedding pictures to be Halloween themed because they will be on the wall all year round.

I would absolutely love the idea for a Halloween party but I think with it being your wedding it might make it seem more like a party? I think you could have a lovely relaxed wedding without a Halloween theme!

Howlovely · 29/10/2019 07:57

Sorry OP but I would absolutely hate this. I really don't want to come across as a complete killjoy but I think it cheapens the marriage ceremony and what it means. I also agree with PPs who have mentioned photos - you might not even recognise who people are if they are in fancy dress.
I think saying that fancy dress is optional creates more anguish (noone wants to be the only one dressed up) and a divide between the guests. Plus if you're wearing 'traditional' wedding attire it seems a bit odd to expect your guests to wear fancy dress. Also, I don't like being told what to wear!
Fancy dress is definitely divisive - there are those who love it and go all out and those who really hate it and feel really uncomfortable to the point of wanting to cry.

cherryblossomgin · 29/10/2019 07:59

I would dress up and think it sounds fun but when I planned my wedding people having fun and being happy was my priority. I also love all things spooky and would wear something spooky but classy, maybe a classy witch.

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