To consider a baby at 44

[ReginaPhalangee]

For reference, I have 2 amazing DCs from a previous marriage. The joys of my life. Divorce happened, never considered having another - ever.
Met DP several years ago but we were nothing but friends until we recently admitted our feelings for one another. Our relationship is wonderful and something I never thought would happen to me. He also has two quite young DDs from a previous marriage.
I was sterilised about 4 years ago.
I never thought I would ever want to have another baby but the seed is firmly planted in my head.
I'm 45.
There are so many reasons why it's not a wise idea (he's not divorced yet, I've fought for everything for my DCs, my age, money...) but somehow it's taken over my thoughts.
Talk me down... or into it

Sorry... I'm 45 not 44 denial

I doubt that a sterilisation reversal (if it is at all possible) will be available on the NHS.

If you were 'sterilised' 4 years ago how are you going to have a baby in your mid 40s? Are you thinking of adoption? Wouldn't that be highly unlikely given your age and possibly other factors too?

Get a ddog???
Manypaws instead of Menopause is the way to go.

At 45 your chances are low. Sterilised - nil...

I don’t think your age is the issue here - in principal at least although it obviously affects fertility.

But having a child with someone who’s still married to someone else, and in a pretty new relationship? Doesn’t sound wise.

It's not available on the NHS. I'd have to pay. I already have a lovely dog. Just feel strange in a way as I was never ever broody but suddenly I have a feeling I never felt before.
You're all right though, I should give myself a bit of a shake
Thanks

At 45 and having been sterilized, you will only get pregnant through IVF with donor eggs.

This will be hugely expensive, may impact on your health and may not even work. With 2 existing children it isn't reasonable to consider this.

you are bonkers, sorry. you both have 2 healthy biology children each already.

At 45, you have increased risks of all sorts - chromosome disorders are much more likely (and most cannot be screened out unlike Down syndrome), pregnancy and birth is in itself more risky with your aging body. Unless you are fully prepared to care for a child with additional needs...

apart from that, your eggs are probably way too old for another baby (very very few women manage to conceive at that age).

and then I do wonder how you intend to get pregnant anyways reading that you had a sterilisation.

You’d need bloods first to see if reversal is even a viable option then if the results favourable you’d have to have it done ASAP

It's probably just your biological clock ticking telling you to have another before it's too late. It's already too late, just ignore it. It will pass. Get a puppy or a kitten instead. 🙂

Thank you. I just need a dose of reality I guess. I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world who would potentially suffer, none of us would.

I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world who would potentially suffer, none of us would.

Every child who has ever been born will endure at least some suffering during their lives.

But anyway, as others have said, it's almost certainly impossible for you to have another child at this stage in your life. Why not just enjoy the ones you have?

I’m 44, in great health, my hormones are great, we TTC every month, have two healthy children but I can’t get pregnant for love nor money. In your position I honestly wouldn’t even try. Enjoy your life OP.

Thanks. Head been given a wobble. I will enjoy our lives and the beautiful heathy children I'm lucky to be blessed with

Funny how hormones can affect common sense

Your odds of actually getting pregnant are slim to none. Then add in massively increased risk of miscarriage and serious/fatal chromosomal abnormalities.

Don't build this up in your head and decide you really want it, OP. It's not going to happen and I think you know that.

aged 45, been sterilised, already has two kids, it's a no from me.

Sounds like your brains reaction to being almost menopausal. I think hunks it’s common to get broody as your fertile window begins to close.

No I’d get a kitten instead.

I'm 48 so only three years older than you OP and couldn't think of anything worse. Get a dog. Get a hobby. Get that idea out of your head LOL

OP - you don’t say how old your dc are or if you live with your new partner?

If you do live with him and assuming your dc are still young and living at home and also assuming you have his kids stay at least 50/50 split with their Mum, then that’s 4 children between you under one roof. 4 little humans who need love, time, attention, support both emotionally and financially. And you want to add to that??

I think its crazy to even contemplate it especially as a woman’s fertility significantly declines past 35 not to mention the risks of defects aswell. Throw in the fact you have been sterelised..... nuff said.

Be happy and enjoy all the children you already have between you x

You could always look into fostering? You clearly still have love to give to a child, so that could be a sensible alternative? I’m younger than you, but had my dc early, and I do sometimes feel like I’m not fully “done” with babies. If health and space allowed I’d definitely look into fostering after my dc are grown.

Classic perimenopausal thinking, completely normal though OP :)

My ds sent me this ages ago....