To consider a baby at 44

[ReginaPhalangee]

For reference, I have 2 amazing DCs from a previous marriage. The joys of my life. Divorce happened, never considered having another - ever.
Met DP several years ago but we were nothing but friends until we recently admitted our feelings for one another. Our relationship is wonderful and something I never thought would happen to me. He also has two quite young DDs from a previous marriage.
I was sterilised about 4 years ago.
I never thought I would ever want to have another baby but the seed is firmly planted in my head.
I'm 45.
There are so many reasons why it's not a wise idea (he's not divorced yet, I've fought for everything for my DCs, my age, money...) but somehow it's taken over my thoughts.
Talk me down... or into it

It's not NECESSARILY too late - but - you gotta REALLY want it ......

Just wait for the grandkids!

Er...no. You already have 2 healthy children, you are in love...get on an enjoy! Do not put all this at risk.

I'm 44 and sterilised. Even if I could have it reversed I wouldn't want to have another child. Mine are early - mid 20s and it's great!

You're going to have enough to contend with blending your two families, don't complicate it more by bringing a new baby into the mix.

Accept the moments of 'what if'... day dream, and occasionally say 'if only'. But keep it as a fuzzy, perfect, warm dream. Not the nightmarish reality.

My friend gave birth to her second set of twins at 47. Her first set are 17!

@cptartapp.. that's an amazing story and shows it can still happen over 45.

I had DS at 41 and have no other DCs. We tried but nothing. It's hard to come to terns with but it wasn't viable to have anymore which is sad as i"m sure i'm still ovulating now at 47. The risks put me off and frankly i'm terrified of the worse happening. So DS will be an only child.
Good luck whatever happens x

Your DP is still married to another woman, never mind your age or sterilization, that would be a huge 'no' from me for starters!

We're all blaming hormones but I don't buy it. I think OP isn't confident he'll leave his wife for her she she's looking to give the situation a big giant push. Whoopsie!

Its the oldest trick in the book and it won't work. So suggest you back off, focus on your kids, maybe start dating, and if the bloke figures it out then wonderful.

NO. Get real.

Seriously. Im 45, sterilised 10 yrs ago. Its a ridiculous thought.

You are too old. And you can't have children.

I'm going to voice a slightly different opinion to most PPs . . .

I'm almost 40 and pregnant with my first baby through donor egg IVF (had a really early menopause years ago, so I guess technically/biologically I'm in the same position as @ReginaPhalangee). We have two frozen embryos and I fully foresee transferring them in the hope of having a sibling in 2-4 years time, by which point I'll obviously be 42-44 depending on when we start the cycle. It might not work, obviously, but my age will absolutely not hold us back. I'm strong, fit and healthy (well, a bit tired at the minute!) and feel I will continue to be so, barring unexpected accidents or illnesses that can happen whether you're 20 or 50.

I say go for it, as long as:

1. You and your partner are both absolutely certain you want a child together
2. You're both certain you're willing to put yourselves through an expensive, emotionally challenging process (donor egg IVF is a lot more expensive than 'normal' IVF)
3. You're both certain it won't have a negative impact on your existing families.

45 isn't old these days! Good luck with whatever you decide 😄

45 is pretty old for conceiving, no matter how many mumsnet poster chorus that they've had dc at that age. It's still fraught with risks. It's a new relationship, why not enjoy it at its own pace instead of rushing and putting pressure on it. There's already four kids - and his current wife - to contend with. And at least one dog. I think you've got plenty going on and this is pure mid-forties madness. Bet you'll soon revert to being glad you got sterilised so you couldn't make a rash decision now.

We're all blaming hormones but I don't buy it. I think OP isn't confident he'll leave his wife for her she she's looking to give the situation a big giant push. Whoopsie!*

Goodness me where did I say he was still with his wife?! They split up years ago. What a horrible opinion you've formed of me and completely unfounded! I would never in a million years get involved with someone who is in a relationship. Go and find someone else to pick on.

I appreciate the kind advice given by PPs though. Definitely helped me to realise it's not a great idea.

Entirely normal Last Chance Saloon hormone surge. Ignore it, it will go away. I remember my mother, in her forties, speculating whether she might be pregnant. At fifteen I was horrified!

Aside from all the other reasons, you haven't once mentioned your dp's opinion on it.
You say that you've only recently admitted your feelings for one another

Just a wild guess here... but I think the very mention of it might be enough to make him run for the hills!

Just a wild guess here... but I think the very mention of it might be enough to make him run for the hills!*

It was his idea...

However. Common sense prevails. We will cherish what we already have. Both of us are incredibly lucky to have wonderful, happy and healthy children. My youngest is 8, his is 4, so it's still a magical time for us.

@RedPandaFluff You're NOT too old to have babies now or later. I'm sick of people writing off women's fertility yet having no issue with men in 60's, 70's, 80's with their 20 something brides having kids. You're using eggs, they're using viagra so its even !!! Did you know the research is older women make better mother's AND there's evidence they have more intelligent kids too So don't let ANYONE stop you. DM and their 'penis pleasers' (love that) never report those facts now does it!!

I would look at this as an opportunity to be totally about each other. A lot of relationships suffer with the stress of a new baby and sleep deprivation. Here you have the opportunity to have a more selfish relationship without that added stress... But still with the benefit of having children already.

I'm 46 and can't imagine anything worse! I have a puppy instead although as she keeps waking up at 5.30am I'm even regretting that this morning 🐶😂

I kind of understand why you’re feeling like this OP, I think it’s a normal reaction when you meet someone new and fall in love but logistically it would be a huge mountain to climb. In every sense.

Things are wonderful for you now, keep that in your mind. Concentrate on what you have.

Go for it!!!

You might have to consider IVF + donor egg/s though.