To consider a baby at 44

[ReginaPhalangee]

For reference, I have 2 amazing DCs from a previous marriage. The joys of my life. Divorce happened, never considered having another - ever.
Met DP several years ago but we were nothing but friends until we recently admitted our feelings for one another. Our relationship is wonderful and something I never thought would happen to me. He also has two quite young DDs from a previous marriage.
I was sterilised about 4 years ago.
I never thought I would ever want to have another baby but the seed is firmly planted in my head.
I'm 45.
There are so many reasons why it's not a wise idea (he's not divorced yet, I've fought for everything for my DCs, my age, money...) but somehow it's taken over my thoughts.
Talk me down... or into it

OP, I wouldn't. You and your partner have young children. The (hard) baby/early childhood years are behind you. Enjoy your children and relationship. This is a great stage for all of you.

@RedPandaFluff - don't let anyone rain on your parade. I had my children aged 42 and 44. I'm 52 now. The early childhood years are behind me, and family life is just grand. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Thank you @iwunderwhy and @NightLion - I know our decision has been right for us but wouldn't necessarily be the best thing for another couple. I can't tell you how grateful and excited I am to finally be pregnant and I know I'll be a better mother in my forties than I would have been in my thirties or twenties - looking back, I may have been a tad selfish in my younger days 😁

You both have DC so why don’t you just enjoy being together and enjoy being in a loving relationship. Not sure why you would even consider adding a baby to the mix. Especially given your sterilised. Why don’t you work to ensure both sets of current DC are happy with the new set up.

You didn’t say he was still with his wife but you did say he hasn’t got divorced yet! That’s an issue in itself if you are moving in together/buying a home/blending families and adding a new baby into the mix.

I think this feeling is normal. At least, I certainly had it! I have kids with my ex husband. We split, I met DH2 (also has kids) and after we got married I had a really strong craving for us to have a baby. A lot of the feeling cane from wanting to go through the experience with him, knowing he'd be wonderful at everything that my ex wasn't. 😆

He's had the snip though, and I'm in my 40s, he's 50. The risks are really high. And his face when I suggested it was like, where did this come from?

So we didn't. The feeling passed and I'm not mooning around wondering what might have been.

I think it's natural to get these feelings in certain relationships.

I'm sick of people writing off women's fertility yet having no issue with men in 60's, 70's, 80's with their 20 something brides having kids.

1. lots of people have an issue with men 60+ having babies. Including science which is showing children of older fathers have increased rates of all sorts of health and developmental issues

2. men 60+ having babies with 20 year olds are extremely rare, complete straw man and irrevelent to OP's situation

OP you have already been sterilised. The chances of you having a baby are almost nil, even if you can reverse the sterilisation or attempt IVF success rates for 44 year old eggs are not great. I would be happy with what you have already and look forward to the day your DP is divorced first.

I get why you feel this way OP

At 47 I feel very broody, my older teens would so not be impressed

But I have a real surge in hormones, or something. Feeling broody and thinking “I am not THAT old” (I am) and wondering if I may be the one unlikely super fertile late 40s woman

I melt when I see babies and cute little kids (my boys are 6ft3, shave, have GFs... it all happened so quick)

It must be a trick by nature to make be feel this way (whilst menopause is imminent....I guess)

Allow your feelings, but maybe think carefully before actually doing it

I'm sick of people writing off women's fertility yet having no issue with men in 60's, 70's, 80's with their 20 something brides having kids.

I assume you slept through your biology lessons?

I've often said that too about parenting in my 20s and 30s @RedPandaFluff. I had 24 adult years of carefree fun and travel, and was more than ready for a complete lifestyle change. Good luck with you new phase in life - first pregnancy is an exciting and magical time!

No I wouldn't. I was sterilised at 29, 2 years ago and was told to be 100% sure, as reversal is expensive and has a very low success rate. Added to that your age, being realistic, it could be a waste of time and money, not to mention getting your heart set on something that could likely never happen.

Yes you are being unreasonable. Why on earth would you want a child at your age? Your (Theoretical) child won’t even have had a 21st birthday and you’ll be at retirement age!!

I'm still with husband no.1, not sterilised, 46, 3 children, 2 with SEN, and I've had a massive broody spell. There is no way I could manage another child, but I find myself craving to be pregnant and have a newborn again.

I think there is a last shove from our hormones in our mid 40s, and you just need to be aware of this and think firmly of all the negatives!!! But I understand your craving.

Thanks for all the comments. I've read them all, made some considerations and DP and I have had a long chat. Sensible Regina understands that this is probably about DP and how we feel about each other rather than the 'need' for another baby. We aren't going to pursue it, though I know he'd like to. Both of us had very unhappy first marriages.

However I wouldn't judge anyone who gave it a go. Life circumstances are different for everyone and things don't always happen at the 'ideal' time.

Best of luck to the PP who is expecting - Enjoy your new baby and remember that we ARE wiser as we get older