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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for how to deal with nightmare friend on holiday

98 replies

FizzyPink · 27/10/2019 23:30

Currently on holiday of a lifetime with a friend due to another friend having a wedding the other side of the world. I did a week on my own which was incredible and utter bliss, then this friend arrived on Friday and we have until Saturday night together when I fly home and she stays for another week.

She’s always been a difficult person but this trip has cemented that we won’t be friends when we get back home. She always has to be right about everything and gets upset and offended if you don’t want to do exactly what she does. Apologies for the stereotype but she’s the stereotypical headstrong, loud, bossy American character. You can’t say anything she doesn’t agree with or she’s either offended or just blanks you. She’s well known in our group for getting into strops and leaving events early for ridiculous reasons.

I have some food issues which mean I don’t eat loads or drink a lot. She’s massively into food and drink and so has booked fancy restaurants for the entire time we’re here. So today we have a surfing lesson from 2-6 and then have to rush back to get ready to go to a 5* seafood restaurant when all I’m going to want to do is chill! She also got in a huff with me at the wedding to the point where someone asked me if she was actually my friend because I decided to stop drinking at 11pm and then she walked 3 meters in front of me the whole way back to the hotel.

The problem is that it’s a different place every night kind of holiday so lots planned and not like I can just go off on my own easily. Please give me some coping strategies as I don’t want her to ruin my holiday but I also just can’t wait to get home now! She’s also not the type of person you can reason with and would be terribly upset if I mentioned what a bitch she is!

OP posts:

HaveeeeYouMetTed · 27/10/2019 23:37

If you're certain there will be no friendship when you both return back home then I would just do exactly as you please for the rest of the holiday. don't go to the restaurants if you don't want to, go on day trips or activities that you will enjoy. Make the most of your time there & make memories for yourself.
If you're not staying in the same room, just lose yourself around the local area.

CalishataFolkart · 27/10/2019 23:38

Are you sharing a room? Sitting next to each other on the flight home? If not I would say here and now that you are going to do your own thing and she can join you or not. If you’re not going to be friends when you get home, what difference does it make?

avamiah · 27/10/2019 23:39

Oh I feel for you OP , as I was on a cruise many years ago with a friend like this and she was a nightmare after 3 days, I ended up hiding from her, it was a good job that it was a huge cruise ship that’s all I can say . Lol
You just have to stand your ground and just tell her you want to have a relaxing day and do nothing and plan nothing.
My friend had me up for breakfast at 7.30am and I always remember we were like the only people at the buffet .😬

Original poster

FizzyPink · 27/10/2019 23:39

This is the issue, it’s a tight knit friendship group so will most likely have to stay friends although I will distance myself from her.
It’s tricky as we’re sharing the same hotel room and from tomorrow the trip is basically driving a well known route so essentially in a car together all day and stopping off at various points so I’m hesitant to create too much of an atmosphere!

OP posts:

ClemDanFanGoul · 27/10/2019 23:43

She sounds like an awful bully who gets her own way for the sake of people wanting to keep the peace.
Stand up for yourself, if she strops off like a fucking child then all the better, saves you having to deal with her any longer.

OytheBumbler · 27/10/2019 23:47

If it's a holiday of a lifetime then you don't want her to spoil it. She's got a week on her own to do her own stuff so you don't have to pander to her this week.
Do what you want, do the stuff that works better with 2 and tell her you're happy to spend time on your own for the rest of it.

cauliflowersqueeze · 27/10/2019 23:48

Can you afford to book another room?
I would do that and say you just want to do your own thing. At least if she sulks and strops you won’t need to see it in the room.

If you can’t afford the room can you afford to change flight and go home earlier?

Otherwise I think you may have to put up with it.

frazzledasarock · 27/10/2019 23:53

Feign a headache and insist she doesn’t ruin her trip for your sake, you’ll just lie quietly on your own.

And keep inventing ailments that necessitate regretfully bowing out of joint planned excursions and being on your own and quiet.

I’d be terribly upset and insist she must continue her itinerary and don’t worry about you.

Original poster

FizzyPink · 27/10/2019 23:54

Booking another room may be a good idea. She sleeps a lot and gets up in the night frequently whereas I’m a very light sleeper getting 6 hours max so she already knows I’ve not been sleeping well sharing a room so could be an easy excuse

OP posts:

avamiah · 27/10/2019 23:56

I really hate situations like this, a holiday is supposed to be relaxing and getting away from it all .
I love putting a bath robe on and ordering a coffee and a sandwich from room service lol , as I’m always cooking and making drinks for everybody at home, so for somebody to bring me a coffee and sandwich is luxury .

Original poster

FizzyPink · 27/10/2019 23:57

A headache sounds a great idea for getting out of tonight actually, we’re in one of the most chilled out places ever where lots of people walk around bare feet and she wants us dressed up to the nines every night!

OP posts:

cauliflowersqueeze · 27/10/2019 23:58

Brilliant.

Get another room and then a scorching case of the shits that requires you not to join in her shenanigans. Once she’s out at her surfing crap you can pop out and do your own thing. If she sees you, you felt a bit better but as soon as she mentions the next activity just run to the toilet.

Look as horrified as possible and apologise. Enjoy that week.

cauliflowersqueeze · 28/10/2019 00:02

Ok. The setup. Find out from reception if there is a spare room first. Assuming there is, when she’s in the room, take your phone in with you and a glass. Lock the door. Fill the glass with water. Put your phone volume on high and play the “3 hours of farting” YouTube recording.

Pause it every now and then to gasp and pour water into the loo which will sound like diarrhoea. Flush repeatedly.

Pause for a bit as “things settle”. Then say to her you really want your own room.

She won’t argue.

Bluerussian · 28/10/2019 00:07

Do try and get a room of your own, that would make life so much easier, however tell the friend that you really don't want to do all that stuff with her, you were enjoying yourself before she came and want to carry on doing the same. There's nothing wrong with that.

HoliBobber · 28/10/2019 00:12

Headphones for travel.

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/10/2019 00:26

She sounds extremely nasty but she also sounds pretty thick so it shouldn't be too difficult to out manoeuvre her?

managedmis · 28/10/2019 00:28

Was gonna ask if you were sharing a room and see that you are.

Definitely see if there's a room free in hotel as surely you are past giving a shit.

DonKeyshot · 28/10/2019 00:34

What a dreadful shame that the last week of your "holiday of a lifetime" is going to be ruined by headaches, stomach aches, and, depending on which side of the globe you are, rampant attacks of Montezuma's revenge or Dehli belly.

How disappointing that you won't be able to participate in that car trip or visit those fancy restaurants and will have to lounge by the pool sipping cocktails stay in the hotel feasting on delectable room service treats.

It goes without saying that you'll be far too weak to tart yourself up every night and, on those rare occasions when you're able to stagger down to the hotel restaurant, or flop in the nearest bar, you'll blend in with other tourists/locals be barefoot and dressed for the climate.

Enjoy, OP

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/10/2019 00:52

It’s amazing how quickly migraine can hit. Being left alone in the quiet is often the best solution.

VenusTiger · 28/10/2019 01:06

Use one of her famous excuses to leave the holiday early, and go home OP. You’ve attended the wedding. Go home.

underneaththeash · 28/10/2019 01:06

Eh? so why did you invite her. I don't like going on holiday with many people and people with food issues annoy me too. You have issues...she has issues......you either don't do it in the first place or you learn to live with it for a week.

Original poster

FizzyPink · 28/10/2019 01:31

@underneaththeash there was originally supposed to be more of us going which would have been fine but ended up being just the two of us as the flights alone ended up being about £1,000 so other friends just couldn’t afford it

OP posts:

ZoeWashburne · 28/10/2019 07:58

I mean, is it really that hard to just say no? When she booked restaurants without talking to you, just say "sorry, I have dietary restrictions so I can't eat there but I hope you have a great time. Still looking forward to surf lessons". When she guilts you or throws a strop just let her do it. Be clear with your boundaries in the situation. When she asks if she is still your friend, reply "Why would my decision to drink have any bearing on our friendship?" if she keeps pushing just say "Look, I am not going around in circles with this. I simply cannot go to that restaurant. We don't have to do everything together." and repeat.

I mean, if she blanks you, so be it. It sounds like that would solve your problem if you got another room. Who cares if she is throwing a tantrum. Remove yourself from that situation and let her spin. Get your own room and have your holiday on your own guilt free and not hiding from her. Don't waste your time on silly lying excuses- that just seems exhausting. Just be clear and fair.

Boundaries are a good thing. Draw yours clearly and firmly. And walk away with a clear conscious.

regmover · 28/10/2019 08:11

As above but don't say sorry. "I have dietary restrictions so I won't be able to eat at that restaurant. Hope you have a great time".

Redspider1 · 28/10/2019 08:15

If you’re arriving/departing at different times, why are you in the same room?
I don’t see why you have to spend every day and night with her. Why has she booked restaurants without your agreement? Sounds odd.

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