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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for how to deal with nightmare friend on holiday

98 replies

FizzyPink · 27/10/2019 23:30

Currently on holiday of a lifetime with a friend due to another friend having a wedding the other side of the world. I did a week on my own which was incredible and utter bliss, then this friend arrived on Friday and we have until Saturday night together when I fly home and she stays for another week.

She’s always been a difficult person but this trip has cemented that we won’t be friends when we get back home. She always has to be right about everything and gets upset and offended if you don’t want to do exactly what she does. Apologies for the stereotype but she’s the stereotypical headstrong, loud, bossy American character. You can’t say anything she doesn’t agree with or she’s either offended or just blanks you. She’s well known in our group for getting into strops and leaving events early for ridiculous reasons.

I have some food issues which mean I don’t eat loads or drink a lot. She’s massively into food and drink and so has booked fancy restaurants for the entire time we’re here. So today we have a surfing lesson from 2-6 and then have to rush back to get ready to go to a 5* seafood restaurant when all I’m going to want to do is chill! She also got in a huff with me at the wedding to the point where someone asked me if she was actually my friend because I decided to stop drinking at 11pm and then she walked 3 meters in front of me the whole way back to the hotel.

The problem is that it’s a different place every night kind of holiday so lots planned and not like I can just go off on my own easily. Please give me some coping strategies as I don’t want her to ruin my holiday but I also just can’t wait to get home now! She’s also not the type of person you can reason with and would be terribly upset if I mentioned what a bitch she is!

OP posts:

Durgasarrow · 29/10/2019 03:32

There doesn't have to be "confrontation" and there doesn't have to be avoidance. At least not confrontation in the sense of an explosion of anger at the other woman. This person has done nothing wrong. She has expressed her preferences frankly and openly. So good for her. Maybe she should have listened more, and maybe you should have asserted yourself more. It's not too late to change the balance now. The only thing you need to do is rid yourself of blame, shame, and anger.

Durgasarrow · 29/10/2019 03:36

This is your time this week, so take responsibility for it, OP. When you talk to the other woman, you can say that you realize that you have some things you really want to do with this very special once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There is a limited amount of time. If there are things you might like to do together, name them. If there are things you'd prefer not to do, like go to fancy restaurants, tell her you'll find your own places to eat, or suggest attractive alternatives that she might be interested in, too, that suit your preferences. Don't be passive.

Durgasarrow · 29/10/2019 03:37

Is there a chance she's been aggressive because you haven't come up with concrete plans and timetables of your own? That IS something that can happen when people travel together.

Jack80 · 29/10/2019 18:40

I would excuse myself and say I was poorly. Then go home and distance yourself and don't go away with her again

ddl1 · 29/10/2019 18:50

It occurs to me that she may be defensive about her eating and drinking, and may consider your wishing to eat less than she does as a criticism of her own eating/drinking habits. Perhaps emphasize that 'we just have different tastes in food' and avoid giving reasons (unless they're connected with your having a definite medical condition), in case she interprets it as criticizing her choices. And suggest something else that you'd like to do. And try if at all possible to get your own room. Sharing a room with someone you don't know extremely well can be stressful even if your personalities are compatible.

Stevesone1 · 29/10/2019 18:52

Tell her to clear off and get a life with someone else. Blank her and enjoy yourself. You willgain plenty and loss nothing because there was nothing there in the first place. Spolt bratt comes to mind.

joanne2020 · 29/10/2019 19:14

A kick in the fanny should shut her up 😂

spiky54 · 29/10/2019 19:26

Is fish and chips keto?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 29/10/2019 19:49

Book your own room and then fake a migraine tomorrow and tell her you can't do the road trip as even the next day you will have a migraine hangover. Tell her to go alone, then refuse to discuss it anymore as your head is so bad.

FelicisNox · 29/10/2019 20:45

The way I see it she is making your holiday hell, she is not behaving like a true friend and she is in a strop most of the the time anyway so just do as you please..... you've nothing to lose.

First rule of being an independent woman: 1st take no crap. She behaves like this because you all let her get away with it so some of this is on you.

Just tell her you are tired of her overbearing, entitled attitude and you will be doing as you please for the rest of YOUR holiday... then do it.

Sod her.

Havelesstravelmore · 29/10/2019 21:20

A four hour surfing lesson!! Absolute holiday hell 😩

B9ddy · 30/10/2019 06:32

How many people are there on the planet !
Just get on with your holiday and ignore her
It is you making the decision to be with her
Walk away
Make new friends
On holiday of a lifetime
Talking on social media
Does't that tell you something ...

Twinkled · 30/10/2019 06:36

Do your own thing and learn to feel and jet go of the uncomfortable feelings that will come about from you standing up to get . She is a bully and you are letting her getaway with bullying you . STOP . Many adults are bullied , Google ' how to handle being bullied as an adult' etc . You can say no and it will be a new bhvr so it is tough to make the changes. MN is here for you . Go do your own thing .

Twinkled · 30/10/2019 06:42

Also be kind to you, watch negative self talk . Kindness to me 💞

GoodbyeRosie · 30/10/2019 06:54

Well, if you're not going to do anything or say anything to her, then this has been a pretty pointless thread!.

I personally would have said exactly what was on my mind - this is a holiday of a lifetime , and that I'm not prepared to do stuff I don't want to do.

The inevitable falling out putting your foot down will cause will provide you with yhe independence you crave.

quincejamplease · 30/10/2019 06:58

Why would you spend thousands of pounds then put up with a miserable experience so someone else can have a perfect experience? Other than because you're a doormat. It's completely ridiculous.

Just be assertive - not aggressive, assertive. That way both of you are respected, not one at the expense of the other.

FamilyOfAliens · 30/10/2019 07:31

I’ve posted this before, but I’m shocked at how many threads on here are to do with people getting into difficult situations because they think it’s not ok to disagree with someone.

Ginfordinner · 30/10/2019 07:42

I agree Family. They don't even have to be confrontational about it, just quietly assertive. People don't ride roughshod over me because they know that I can stand up for myself.

Or maybe I just don't have difficult people in my life.

JavaQ · 30/10/2019 08:17

Do your own thing.
Then get new friends!

endlessstrife · 30/10/2019 09:30

My first reaction was, if you know all this about this woman, why on earth have you met up with her? I know it doesn’t help you now though. You’ve said the friendship is now dead, so you’ve got nothing to lose by just telling her how you feel. You could even show her these threads. It’s a shame, because she may actually have no idea she has this affect on people. Behind all badly behaved people are other people putting up with it! Presumably, you’ve done the wedding, and you did have your week alone, so would it be so bad if you had to leave early? Just be honest, and good luck🤗

Localocal · 30/10/2019 10:26

I would tackle it head on and just ask her to please stop trying to control you. Tell her you need to be able to do what's best for your health, including drinking or eating what you like, and having some down time on your holiday, so would she please stop insisting on including you in everything she does.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 30/10/2019 14:27

Sorry but your friend doesnt represent all Americans. I'm American. That type of personality I cant tolerate. Sorry you are in this position. I would definitely not have a friend like that.
Get a different room. Feign sickness. Whatever you have to to stay away from her. Best wishes to you.

urkidding · 31/10/2019 09:19

Tell her how you feel, and that you're not prepared to put up with strops. If she wants to be with you, she needs to change or you'll go your own way. Why make up lies and hints? It is normal not to want to drink too much or have a quiet night in. Peer pressure about drinking too much and having expensive meals is a way of some people lumbering your with their lifestyles and bills.

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