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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that 'english' weddings are a nightmare?

85 replies

cylon · 16/08/2007 17:14

so many rules and regulations. so much money spent.no one enjoying themselve. everyone s toes stepped on.
i havent heard a single post on here with something positive to say about weddings.
why?

OP posts:
littlerach · 16/08/2007 19:34

I went to 2 weddings this year, both friends, and they were excellent.One was a school friend, rather a posh affair, but relaxed enough with children.
Other was an old colleague, much more frmal - catholic - but just as relaxed.
Really enjoyed them boith.

meandmyflyingmachine · 16/08/2007 19:41

I love weddings. Even when I am cynical about the long term prospects , I love to see two people in love celebrating that with the people they love.

And I can't get upset about rules and regulations. If I can make it, I do. If I can't, I'm sorry for it.

I can't believe how much resentment I see on here about weddings. It's .

catnip · 16/08/2007 20:03

I just don't get the "I don't like weddings brigade". How can you not like going to a fantastic party at which two people you like (presumably) tell everyone how much they love each other? I love it all, from the standing around with a glass of fizz to the dancing to Abba. Especially like the ones at which small children do that twirling round thing on the dance floor. I actually feel sad that there aren't many more on the horizon for me as most of my friends/family have done it or aren't likely to

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 20:10

catnip so many of my friends have had disastrous marriages that the lovely public display of affection seems rather depressing sometimes

catnip · 16/08/2007 20:26

Depressing if you know/suspect that to be true at the time. Do you really look tho and think oh god I don't know if this is going to work out? I have only done that once - and it was only a couple of years ago so too soon to tell really.

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 20:29

Yes I DO always think that

Although usually it is the ones that I think make good couples that end up with one of them in prison

unknownrebelbang · 16/08/2007 20:36

Guess it depends on your personal perspective doesn't it?

Although I know lots of people who have divorced, I also know a lot who are still together, happily so.

A wedding day, to me, is a day to share in the happiness of the bride and groom, however they choose to celebrate their day.

catnip · 16/08/2007 20:36

Hmmmm. Suspension of disbelief no bad thing sometimes imo

handlemecarefully · 16/08/2007 20:38

Yes your talking bolleaux love

CatIsSleepy · 16/08/2007 20:38

if they're your mates, it'll be a good wedding.
The formalities may get a little dull, I admit.
And if it's held in the middle of nowhere, you pretty much have to fork out for a hotel room unless you want to camp. But I quite like staying in hotels occasionally, so I don't really mind.
Oh and my wedding was fab, obviously

handlemecarefully · 16/08/2007 20:40

Meant you're

catnip · 16/08/2007 21:10

Oh well, it's allowed sometimes

SweetyDarling · 16/08/2007 21:20

I have to admit, the whole morning/evening thing does seem v odd (if you're not English). And having to get married indoors - why??
Still - I lurve a wedding!

QueenofBleach · 16/08/2007 21:22

Ours was lovely thank you everybody very pissed an enjoyed themselves, very relaxed. lots of kids and really crappy weather

Caroline1852 · 16/08/2007 21:27

Perhaps a bit odd, but I always have a more enjoyable time at funerals than weddings.

madamez · 16/08/2007 21:35

I think most of the moany types are what you might call 'guestzillas' - everything's got to be done the way they would do it and everything's got to be arranged for their convenience (even if they're only invited because their DP works with or is an old schoolmate of one of the couple or something). I've been to loads of weddings and admittedly the one or tow I didn't like that much it was more down to having been invited as the date/guest/plu one or whatever of a person who knew the bride and groom, and not really knowing anyone else (oh, and in one case, quarrelling with my date all day and all the way home because he thought it would be nice if we got married too and I didn't think so at all).
But you know (because I might as well) I'd just like to put in a plug for humanist weddings, where you can arrange it pretty much how you want (indoors, outdoors, kids giving the bride away, 100s of mates or no oone at all),
Oh and those of you moaning about the desperately restrictive white-frock-country-church-home counties type extravaganza might spare a thought for the couples who've been bludgeoned into having every cliche in the book by their parents when they'd rather have had a beach wedding with there ten best mates and left it at that...

meandmyflyingmachine · 16/08/2007 21:40

Guestzilla. I like it ...

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 16/08/2007 21:50

I love weddings. Our wedding was best party I've ever been to. Even the most ancient guests were still dancing at 1am. We did a 4am breakfast and then lots of people slept in the house and some camped in the fields. We BBQ'd from about 10am the next day and there was a constant stream of bleary-eyed guests throughout the day. It was brilliant!

It was also very trad - church, seating plan, speeches etc.

I don't like the sound of the wedding described by cylons 17.17 post though - I'd deffo decline the invitation!

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 16/08/2007 21:56

What is this 'evening only' invitation? Do you not get to see the ceremony? [hmmm]

madamez - the 'plus one guest' is exactly why seating plans are good - so they are seated with a lively bunch of people and not stuck with Great Aunt Maudie who is deaf and hates foreigners or Uncle Bill who bangs on about the terrible state of English cricket for 3 hours without pausing for breath.

madamez · 16/08/2007 22:00

Evening-only invites are for when you want to invite lots of people but don't have that much cash to feed them all - and most couples in that situation have enough sense not to invite people to the ceremony-and-evening but leave them out of the reception as that is such a PITA for guests particularly guests who've come a long way.

mm22bys · 16/08/2007 22:45

YABU.

Whoever said "noone enjoys themselves".

When we got married I am sure not too many toes got stepped on.

You haven't heard too many positive things simply because people much more enjoy complaining about things than being positive....

3andnomore · 16/08/2007 22:55

oh...maybe it's cos I am erman and teh wedding itself made no difference aslong as teh dh was the right onw and my dress was teh one I wanted at the time (now, todays time I would av chosen a differnt dress, but at the time it was what I loved and wanted...sigh)
There were minor bits where I would have liked more input,like the cake and teh flower bouquet, but it was my own fault to let dh tell his parents to just go ahead...
but my wedding was a nice family do, nothing big, weatehr was crap so we couldn't even hold teh reception at the planned destination of Inlaws backgarden but held it at their next door neighbours house who were so kind to offer their place...
A wedding , for me, is about the 2 peple that love eachother to make this commitment, not about what service they held or what recpetion they held...marriage is for life, afterall, not just for the wedding day and the ceremony...but sadly that seems more important to to many people nowadays!

3andnomore · 16/08/2007 22:56

that was german not erman

Rachmumoftwo · 16/08/2007 23:04

The best wedding (apart from my own of course) I went to was when the whole village contributed something to the party, as the couple were very nice people who were a bit skint. There was a hog roast, mulled wine, the venue was a barn cleaned and decorated for the occasion. It was so fun and so relaxed for everyone. Mine was just the 2 of us on a beach in the South Pacific, so we only had to consider ourselves and that made it stress-free!

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 16/08/2007 23:26

Rach - loving that village wedding . Sounds brilliant!

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