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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that 'english' weddings are a nightmare?

85 replies

cylon · 16/08/2007 17:14

so many rules and regulations. so much money spent.no one enjoying themselve. everyone s toes stepped on.
i havent heard a single post on here with something positive to say about weddings.
why?

OP posts:

dal21 · 16/08/2007 17:44

Am a tad lost by the singling out of 'english' weddings. Not sure why they are being singled out. I have been to weddings of different cultures - yes some are not as enjoyable as others; but am completely in agreement with fraggle - it is a lovely ceremony/ event for celebration and to be invited to join in with that celebration is an honour.
Restrictions? Well they can be put in place by whomever and money/ lack of can play a huge part in restrictions, so I would simply say a little understanding is required.
If you don't enjoy them; don't go and let everyone else have a nice time.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 16/08/2007 17:45

i had an 'english' wedding, registry office, hall with bar, only close family and friends, me and dd in lovely but inexpensive dresses, pg with ds, dancing till the early hours, food we prepared ourselves (there were some tears there, but only from me, then my mummy sent me to bed! ), it was a lovely day! everyone enjoyed it! no seating plans and plenty of room for the kids to run!!!

did go to a very posh wedding recently and was rather when the brides daughter (who was bridesmaid) was being told off by brides sister (another birdesmaid) because she wanted to stand with her mummy in the recieving line and that wasn't allowed!!

my dd ran riot and when we signed the register at the wedding she said 'grandad do drawing (my dad was a witness) i want to do drawing' we had to fine her a pen and paper to stop her from drawing on our marriage cert.!

Blu · 16/08/2007 17:45

That's not just about weddings, though is it, Cylon? It's about all family occasions. When I was younger I used to love great big everyone-in-sleeping bags type family get-togethers, but have become much more anti-social and keen on personal-space as I have gowon older. Are you part of a Hindu family? I just came back from my Hindu In-laws, and have to admit to feeling horrified when my MIL organised a massive family party and wanted me to share a bed with 2 (2)of DPs second cousins (the wives of his second cousins). For them, a big queuing-for-the-toilets family get together is the best of times, I admit to thinking 'I'm going to a hotel'. In the end it was decided that they would go home as they had commitments so the dilemma didn't materialise. Different expectations about personal space - and I think that that does sometimes extend to a formality and a perceived lack of hospitality in English occasions. I say English specifically.

And obviously there are people who relax, welcome, hang out and enjoy weddings as well as anyone!

jacksma · 16/08/2007 18:06

I'd have thought, Mrs Cellophane, that if you co habit prior to marriage the act of getting married is even more meaningful as there is no pressure to do so other than the unadulterated desire to make that statement - much less meaningful when people had to get married to safely shag I would have thought?

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 18:17

Jacksma - what I'm getting at, is that for me and DH, marriage was the start of our life together - and that was by far and the best aspect of our wedding.

I do hasten to add though, that we married fairly young, and we both lived at home still - so it wasn't hard for us not to live together, prior to getting married. I'm not judging everyone who chooses to live together first (and were I dating now, at 33, I would probably do the same) - I just can't see how the day can be as monumental for them?

bookwormtailmum · 16/08/2007 18:27

My sister lived with her bf before she got married and she had a fairly small wedding - afternoon wedding, reception to follow and no evening party since they dashed off on honeymoon (the more cynical amongst us reckoned they couldn't wait to get away from us). Everyone just piled back round my parents house then til about midnight when they were finally chucked out. I guess it could be classified as an 'English' wedding - June bride, country church etc.

kerala · 16/08/2007 18:32

Think the English (and I am) need to sort out the dancing thing. At almost all english weddings the dancing is weedy to say the least. At a massive Indian wedding I went to the minute the bangra music started after the meal everyone (and I mean everyone from grannys to trendy lads to children) hit the dance floor and went for it. And stayed dancing. At English weddings people drift up there for abit of Abba/Grease then drift off again.

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 18:35

Can't comment on the dancing bit. The main say I had in my wedding, was NO DANCING, Dad. - DH and I can't do "proper" dancing and I wasn't about to make a tit of myself in front of loads of people, doing the "first dance". Tacky. Bleurgh.

RedFraggle · 16/08/2007 18:35

Can't get my family off the dancefloor! Will always remember my Nan and her sister trying to do the Steps dance routine thing to Tragedy on the dancefloor at my wedding. Hilarious1

I have a very big family though and they love getting together for a northern knees-up...

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 18:43

RedFraggle - you wouldn't get me off the dance floor, if we were talking about normal music. I just objected to being asked to bloody waltz!

RedFraggle · 16/08/2007 18:49

Urgh Mrs Cellophane - no waltzing for me. We're not "posh" enough for all that malarky!

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 18:51

Me neither. Dad's a different matter tho' ....

Jacanne · 16/08/2007 18:59

I just got married and it was fabulous. It cost under £4000, there were children everywhere and I had an amazing day - and I actually don't like weddings as a rule.

I guess it depends on how relaxed the occasion is. I don't really do formal - ours was very much family driven but it had to be as we have 2 small children. Perhaps it's because I never ever had the big wedding dream that every girl is supposed to have. If you have that dream then you want it all to be just so and the bigger picture can get lost in the detail.

I actually think that organising weddings is the real nightmare - even when they're low-key .

amidaiwish · 16/08/2007 18:59

i never dance at weddings - am far too busy chatting and catching up with friends & family.
my idea of a nightmare wedding is a really loud disco or band and nowhere to escape to and chat.

i love weddings btw. never been to a "bad" one.

hatwoman · 16/08/2007 19:04

I've never been to a wedding I haven't enjoyed. ok so there might be stress and expense for the marrieds, for their families, for some of their guests - arranging baby-sitting, travelling etc but one you get there it's great. what's there not to enjoy? two happy people, a load of friends, and some wine. anyone who sits and whinges during the wedding itself is, imho, a miserable bugger who shouldn;t have bothered coming

Jacanne · 16/08/2007 19:06

Just read Mrs Cellophane's post. DP and I have been co-habiting for 16 years. Even I was surprised at how meaningful and emotional an event our wedding was. This sounds so cheesy but when we were saying our vows (in a registry office) we both got quite tearful and that was despite the fact that DH had to hold DD2 throughout the ceremony. For me it was an affirmation of our relationship, it didn't mean any less because we waited - I think it actually meant more because we've been through so much together.

It doesn't make a lot of difference on a day to day basis except that after 16 years, 2 children and a few increases in dress size I know that he still really loves me.

Cue vomit smilie!

saadia · 16/08/2007 19:09

As an Indian myself I've always thought that English wedding were more under the bride and groom's control whereas in my culture there is a lot more family involvement and IMO too many unnecessary traditions.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 16/08/2007 19:12

oh they're SO much simpler compared to other weddings - we had what we called a Zimglish (Zimbabwean and English) wedding and the "Zim" bits were much more of a nightmare thatn the "glish" bits

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 19:16

I hear a LOT of bride's saying "Oh but MY wedding was great!" but not many people saying "Oooh I went to a good wedding..."

which I think is very revealing

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 19:16

morningpaper · 16/08/2007 19:18

I've never been to a "formal" wedding that I've enjoyed

And I've definitely never, ever ever sat through "official photographs" and enjoyed it

TheQueenOfQuotes · 16/08/2007 19:18

ooo you'd have loved our official photographs - it was like one big extensions of the reception (I hate having photos taken - but even I enjoyed them LOL).

MellowMa · 16/08/2007 19:19

Message withdrawn

FioFio · 16/08/2007 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

unknownrebelbang · 16/08/2007 19:26

Went to two weddings over the same weekend a couple of months ago, one was quite formal, and the other was very laidback village hall type event.

Both were lovely.

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