in thinking that 'english' weddings are a nightmare?

[cylon]

so many rules and regulations. so much money spent.no one enjoying themselve. everyone s toes stepped on.
i havent heard a single post on here with something positive to say about weddings.
why?

[jojosmaman]

My Dp hates weddings for reasons that have mostly been mentioned, dress codes (suits in 90c!), seating plans, terrible food and even worse music (I'm thinking the Grease medley, Jive Bunny, Mambo number 5 etc etc).

I've been to a few weddings recently, one trad one on one of the hottest days of the year and I felt v sorry for bride as most of the guests stood outside for the eve so all the money spent on DJ and buffet went to waste- only about three people saw her first dance.

Best ones, my mums second marriage which was in Greece, v informal and incl. 5min service outside a chapel in early eve sunset followed by boat trip around to the taverna where the reception was being held to a lovely meal of mezzes. Greek dancing (but no plate smashing - a wonderful day.

Another that stands out is friends, quick ceremony, meal in nice restaurant not a function room, eve party in marquee at their home with brilliant DJ and fab tapas buffet. Even first dance was memorable (an Ian Brown song so not trad but special for couple).

I would just like to be asked to get married.. boo hoo poor me!

[ScottishMummy]

i am sure lots of MN have happy wedding experiences to share - just ask them..

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Really? I did at mine. And my mum gave one at my brother's.

[jj131]

I'm not English but have been to a number of English weddings -- mostly the summer "posh" types.

The first one was lovely, but as I started going to more it became a bit boring because they were all exactly the same. There's nothing at all personal about the church wedding itself (the ones I saw, anyway) and the receptions are completely formulaic, for ex. the custom about the best man toasting the bridesmaids, the groom toasting the bride (or whomever they all toast).

But the one thing that really bugs me, and maybe you ladies can explain, is that in all the weddings I've been to I've never once seen a woman give a toast/speech. What's up with that?

[loisstella]

cyclon - I'm woth you on your original statement... most "english" weddings are horrid. Its the forced seating, the speeches that go on and on, the often poor quality of food (If i eat one more plate of overcooked vegetables and dry chicken / potaotes this summer i will scream).
Exactly because of this reason our wedding was a casual affair - Big Fat Barbecue with very varied selection of foods - lots of live music (gospel in church, "hornsection" swing-band at party), no dress code, speeches only if they were spontaneous.
It threw my husbands parents, but since we have had so many compliments and people planning their wedding more relaxed because they were inspired by ours.
Its all a matter of personal taste and some people love the formality of a good old english summer wedding - I'm just not one of them.

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

Our wedding was very informal - just as we wanted it. No "line-ups", no official photos, no real top-table either. We sat people in groups that we knew they would be comfortable in, plenty of drink, dancing and totally relaxed fun. We also invited people for the whole day - no evening invitations.

[RedFraggle]

totally love the guestzilla idea! that is my reading of people who moan about other peoples weddings. Or they haven't had to pay for one and therefore limit numbers due to budget...

My evening only guests got fed too btw. we had a big hot buffet in the evening as well as the big sit down affar in the daytime.

[Blu]

Cylon, Ah yes...standing in the community...I caught my MIL trying to pretend to a neighbour that I was the same woman who they all saw married to her son in the enormous block-the-road-with-makeshift-tents-for-the caterers-and-1000 guests 3 day extravaganza of 8 years ago. I am twice as tall as the now-divorced former daughter-in-law, but that didn't deter her...and even when DS piped up 'but my Mummy and Daddy haven't had a wedding' she managed to brush it off by saying 'you don't know what happened before you were born!'. A least the standing in the community aspect means that she can't admit that i am not the original DIL so is NOT pressurising us to get married

[cylon]

rach the village wedding is so romantic.

[cylon]

you have all restored my faith in people.
i love weddings. and enjoy them even when i am plus one who knows no one.
mumsnet has had sooooo many moany threads about weddings recently. coupled with all the talk about people not getting married etc. i'm glad i am not the only one who enjoys weddings.

blu, i'm not hindu. asian yes, but not hindu. saturdays' wedding should be interesting as the couple have actually been married for five years. they ran off and had a registry office thing. but her mother has decided it is imperative she have a hindu ceremony because otherwise her standing in the commumnity....blah blah blah. and i have been hearing so much of the mayhem being caused by her mother. it should be so much fun

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

Rach - loving that village wedding . Sounds brilliant!

[Rachmumoftwo]

The best wedding (apart from my own of course) I went to was when the whole village contributed something to the party, as the couple were very nice people who were a bit skint. There was a hog roast, mulled wine, the venue was a barn cleaned and decorated for the occasion. It was so fun and so relaxed for everyone. Mine was just the 2 of us on a beach in the South Pacific, so we only had to consider ourselves and that made it stress-free!

[3andnomore]

that was german not erman

[3andnomore]

oh...maybe it's cos I am erman and teh wedding itself made no difference aslong as teh dh was the right onw and my dress was teh one I wanted at the time (now, todays time I would av chosen a differnt dress, but at the time it was what I loved and wanted...sigh)
There were minor bits where I would have liked more input,like the cake and teh flower bouquet, but it was my own fault to let dh tell his parents to just go ahead...
but my wedding was a nice family do, nothing big, weatehr was crap so we couldn't even hold teh reception at the planned destination of Inlaws backgarden but held it at their next door neighbours house who were so kind to offer their place...
A wedding , for me, is about the 2 peple that love eachother to make this commitment, not about what service they held or what recpetion they held...marriage is for life, afterall, not just for the wedding day and the ceremony...but sadly that seems more important to to many people nowadays!

[mm22bys]

YABU.

Whoever said "noone enjoys themselves".

When we got married I am sure not too many toes got stepped on.

You haven't heard too many positive things simply because people much more enjoy complaining about things than being positive....

[madamez]

Evening-only invites are for when you want to invite lots of people but don't have that much cash to feed them all - and most couples in that situation have enough sense not to invite people to the ceremony-and-evening but leave them out of the reception as that is such a PITA for guests particularly guests who've come a long way.

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

What is this 'evening only' invitation? Do you not get to see the ceremony? [hmmm]

madamez - the 'plus one guest' is exactly why seating plans are good - so they are seated with a lively bunch of people and not stuck with Great Aunt Maudie who is deaf and hates foreigners or Uncle Bill who bangs on about the terrible state of English cricket for 3 hours without pausing for breath.

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

I love weddings. Our wedding was best party I've ever been to. Even the most ancient guests were still dancing at 1am. We did a 4am breakfast and then lots of people slept in the house and some camped in the fields. We BBQ'd from about 10am the next day and there was a constant stream of bleary-eyed guests throughout the day. It was brilliant!

It was also very trad - church, seating plan, speeches etc.

I don't like the sound of the wedding described by cylons 17.17 post though - I'd deffo decline the invitation!

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Guestzilla. I like it ...

[madamez]

I think most of the moany types are what you might call 'guestzillas' - everything's got to be done the way they would do it and everything's got to be arranged for their convenience (even if they're only invited because their DP works with or is an old schoolmate of one of the couple or something). I've been to loads of weddings and admittedly the one or tow I didn't like that much it was more down to having been invited as the date/guest/plu one or whatever of a person who knew the bride and groom, and not really knowing anyone else (oh, and in one case, quarrelling with my date all day and all the way home because he thought it would be nice if we got married too and I didn't think so at all).
But you know (because I might as well) I'd just like to put in a plug for humanist weddings, where you can arrange it pretty much how you want (indoors, outdoors, kids giving the bride away, 100s of mates or no oone at all),
Oh and those of you moaning about the desperately restrictive white-frock-country-church-home counties type extravaganza might spare a thought for the couples who've been bludgeoned into having every cliche in the book by their parents when they'd rather have had a beach wedding with there ten best mates and left it at that...

[Caroline1852]

Perhaps a bit odd, but I always have a more enjoyable time at funerals than weddings.

[QueenofBleach]

Ours was lovely thank you everybody very pissed an enjoyed themselves, very relaxed. lots of kids and really crappy weather

[SweetyDarling]

I have to admit, the whole morning/evening thing does seem v odd (if you're not English). And having to get married indoors - why??
Still - I lurve a wedding!

[catnip]

Oh well, it's allowed sometimes

[handlemecarefully]

Meant you're