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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step kids

78 replies

Zoeangel123 · 27/10/2019 15:55

Hi so my partner has his children nights a week, these 3 days he works and he expects me to look after the kids as well as my own. Iv told him to change his days so he’s at home but he won’t doesn’t want to cause an argument with kids mother. Kids even say it’s pointless coming to see him when he’s not here but there mother makes them stay, I do everything for them cook, clean, iron uniform, pack ups literally everything plus work part time. He never watches my kids causes arguments said he’s been at work all day, I never ever get a break from my kids or he’s, even when I’m ill he never says I will tell kids to stay at home this weekend. He never asks if I have plans or if I mind watching them it’s just expected. It’s literally draining me out and everytime I mention anything he causes an argument, am I really been selfish? He jumps when kids mother says so but yet doesn’t think of me.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 27/10/2019 15:55

Dump him.

Winterdaysarehere · 27/10/2019 15:56

Well as he clearly isn't a partner you need to dump him. He brings nothing to your life does he? Your dc will become resentful imo.

gwackywacky · 27/10/2019 15:57

You are being taken for a complete MUG. Do you understand that? You sound lovely OP but they are both completely using you.

BeatriceTheBeast · 27/10/2019 16:00

You aren't his partner; you are his nanny, except he doesn't pay you!

Where do you live? Is it in your house or his?

He is really using you op and it isn't on at all.

Fantie · 27/10/2019 16:02

Why are you with him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 16:03

Chuck him out. He’s a crap dad and a useless using partner who’s taking the piss out of you. Sorry, but you deserve better and you’re showing all the children a really unhealthy dynamic.

Zoey123 · 27/10/2019 16:03

All He says is I put a roof over your head I can’t do that if you won’t watch my kids, one of the kids are 18 still doesn’t nothing for himself still shares a room with 2 of my kids but partner won’t do anything about that, literally anything I say just goes in one ear and out the other, side me of my sons is 10 he shares with 18 year old, 18 year old kept waking him up in a school night throwing things at him and shouting at him to stop snoring so now my 10 year old sleeps in my room when 18 year olds here. Which he shouldn’t have to really he should be in his own bed getting a decent sleep yet partner says it’s just for 3 nights he can’t stop the 18 year old from coming, in just sick of nobody taking me or my thoughts/feelings in to consideration

notthemum · 27/10/2019 16:06

Is it your place or his ?

lunar1 · 27/10/2019 16:07

Did you move into his house?

Zoey123 · 27/10/2019 16:10

we rent our house both names in book, he pays most of bills he’s on a better wage but I pay some bills and kids stuff etc

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 16:14

Why did you agree to a set up where your 10 year old child has to share a room with an adult? And why are you ironing uniforms?

Do you work and can you afford to move out and rent somewhere of your own?

He’s not going to change. He doesn’t have a reason to. You can vent if it helps but you’d be better off making plans to leave him.

TrebleBadger · 27/10/2019 16:16

Get rid

CupoTeap · 27/10/2019 16:18

Seriously what are you getting out of this relationship?

Nc77 · 27/10/2019 16:18

I hate it when people jump straight in with leave him.

You need to have a frank conversation with him and tell him you will not be watching his kids and that something needs to change. Remind him that he doesn’t ask and it’s expected and it’s not fair having you do it all the time. Tell him he needs to change his working days or the days the kids come over. He needs to do this. Sod upsetting the mother, they come round to see their dad, not you. I’d be stopping ironing school uniforms, make him do their lunches. I agree he is taking the piss

feistymumma · 27/10/2019 16:19

@gwackywacky I can't help chuckling at your reply but spot on. OP, what Gwacky said.

salcombebabe · 27/10/2019 16:21

Does he do anything when he’s at home either with the kids or to help you?

Witchinaditch · 27/10/2019 16:31

What this is ridiculous. You massively need to re think this.

cacklingmags · 27/10/2019 16:33

This git is using you as a nanny and a skivvy. If he won't listen to you he has to be got rid of.

DriftingLeaves · 27/10/2019 16:39

Just don't have them. If he won't look after them tell their mother they can't come and go out.

Zoey123 · 27/10/2019 16:41

We was only aloud a 3 bed off the council one for both girls, one for us and one for boys, his eldest was only 13 then and he rarely does anything when home I do it all. He’s family agree with him apart from he’s sister in law who said 18 year old shouldn’t be stopping now and he should watch his own kids but he never seems to listen said I’m all for my kids

Bellringer · 27/10/2019 16:48

Surely they come to see him? He needs to step up, stop facilitating. 18 yr old can babysit younger one if mum goes out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 16:52

Your children must be miserable.

Zoey123 · 27/10/2019 16:56

My children are not miserable apart from when other kids come and have to share bedrooms

DriftingLeaves · 27/10/2019 17:17

First thing is to ban the 18 year old. Put your foot down and protect your children.

Zoey123 · 27/10/2019 17:30

He said I can’t stop the 18 year old from staying it’s his child