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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what an acceptable sleep in time is?

108 replies

Cravingpies · 27/10/2019 10:12

DH is having a lay in. He has one once a week and will usually spend the night playing on the PlayStation with mates until the early hours. He was playing until 1am this morning.

DD is 8 months and has a stomach bug (I slept on the floor in her room last night as I was the one dealing with her) so I called him for help at 6.30am just to help with her for a second. Then suggested he go back to bed which he did and is still asleep now.

It’s 10am and he is still in bed.

We need to do a food shop, need to take the dog, need to tidy, I need to wash DDs clothes and sheets from last night etc.

Not that it makes a difference but we both work although I only do 3 days. I don’t usually sleep in as I’m physically unable to so I don’t know what is an acceptable time to wake him?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 27/10/2019 12:11

A lie in is 9am latest here. We have a 1 and 3 year old and it's just so much easier with 2 of us. Plus at the weekend we always have stuff to do and places to be.

Original poster
Cravingpies · 27/10/2019 12:23

He’s awake.

He’s now got DD asleep on him (she was asleep on me and I couldn’t put her down without her screaming and waking up so hence why I couldn’t do the washing etc before)

In relation to the “can’t people do anything without a partner” comment 🙄 I said in one of my posts that he had been away all week for work and was put up in a hotel. I
Managed to do all the washing, cooking taking the dog, dropping DD off at her childminder and getting myself to work all by myself so I can cope without a partner thanks 👍 it’s just DD was unwell and I
Couldn’t put her down this morning.

But he’s up so we will take it in turns to tidy and I’ll probably get the food we need for the week from the shop in a bit

OP posts:
Natsku · 27/10/2019 14:19

Lie ins are until whenever in our house. I have one lie in a week and usually stay in bed until 11ish then get up in time to give DS his lunch and put him down for his nap. But for instance today OH was feeling a bit ill so asked that I didn't sleep in too long so I got up just after 9 (we all have a cold but I'm at the tail end of mine while his is just starting)

If a child is ill then that's a different matter

Bluerussian · 27/10/2019 14:20

I'd say 11 am.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2019 14:26

Genuine question: why do people who are natural risers think they’re so much better than people who go to bed and get up later?! You see it on every thread like this. 7am being a lie in?! Shock

I also can’t quite understand why people on MN are so competitive with making their husband do chores and treating them like they’re not adults. In our house, sometimes one of us sleeps in, sometimes one of us goes out for drinks, sometimes one even has a hangover (gasp). The other is nice to that person and just gets on with what needs to be done and brings them a coffee when it’s needed. I always find these threads baffling.

NormaBean · 27/10/2019 14:39

In our house, sometimes one of us sleeps in, sometimes one of us goes out for drinks, sometimes one even has a hangover

Gosh, Shirley it’s almost like you and your OH are grown individuals who respect each other. That has no place on a thread like this.

I’m baffled by it all too. I sometimes get up at 2am to let the cat out - does that mean I win?

SoyDora · 27/10/2019 14:50

In our house, sometimes one of us sleeps in, sometimes one of us goes out for drinks, sometimes one even has a hangover (gasp)

I was out last night and have a hangover today. DH got up with the DC at 6.15, I got up at 8.30 which still felt like a lie in as that’s 9.30 to my body clock!). I then occupied the 3 DC while DH watched the rugby, after the rugby DH took them all out while I nursed my hangover had a bath, painted my toe nails and watched Strictly. Now I’m off to a spa for a massage! All swings and roundabouts here Grin.

Original poster
Cravingpies · 27/10/2019 14:57

I wish I could lie in. I’ve just never been able to, even as a teenager :(

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 27/10/2019 14:58

I don't like to lie in either so my 'lie in' is often getting up and going for a run.

YolandaN · 27/10/2019 15:05

Definitely do your food shopping online, who has the time or inclination to go to a supermarket, especially with young children? He most probably hasn’t realised how hard your night was and the things that need doing. Just wake him up and tell him. Leave the washing till later if it’s a hassle, get him to walk the dog or look after the baby.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/10/2019 15:12

Saturday is my lie in day, and I can easily stay in bed until lunchtime! I’ll wake up about 10/11, but then drink coffee / eat breakfast in bed, and read or play about on my phone. Sundays I’m usually up for 9, then wake the kids for church. I have teenagers though, not babies.

Pinkblueberry · 27/10/2019 15:22

A ‘lie in’ to me is sleeping as long as you want, and then lying in bed dosing for as long as you want. If someone comes and wakes me up it’s not a lie in. I wouldn’t appreciate someone coming in and waking me up telling me to get ready (as though they were my parent telling me to get up for school Confused) if they’d agreed to me having a lie in. If your DH does this once a week why don’t you have a general idea of when he’ll be awake?

Bluerussian · 27/10/2019 15:22

I love a lie in, so did my husband but not for so long. I never had children who were early risers, so we suited each other quite well.

Pinkblueberry · 27/10/2019 15:26

7am is a normal time to wake up and isn't a lie in. Although these threads always attract "my child wakes me up at 3am every day so 5ams a lie in for me". It's silly.

I agree. The superior early morning martyrs are out at the ready - anyone sleeping past 7.30 is a lazy slob.

Visioncroquet · 27/10/2019 15:31

Leave him to sleep, next weekend you take a turn having a lie in - even if it's just sitting in bed with a cuppa & a good book. Till 10am.

If your child is sick, just try have a quiet day yourself. Bung a wash in, do an online shop to come tomorrow & get him to treat you guys to a take away delivery for dinner.

steff13 · 27/10/2019 15:32

Where are you taking your dog?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 27/10/2019 15:40

7am on a Sunday is not a lie in! I think until 11/12 is fine

I have Saturday as my lie in, DH has a Sunday. On mine I stay in bed 12, not always asleep I just love my bed so read or watch something while in it. DH however gets up about 8am then goes for a run and a bacon sandwich I’m the village cafe.

I’m not really sure how much help one can possibly need for 1 8 month old child with a tummy bug tbh. As for shopping well shops open until 4pm if your in England (later in Scotland I think) so as long as his up by then. Doing washing well it takes a couple of minutes to load the machine

ShipShapeandBristolFashion · 27/10/2019 15:47

We don’t even have kids and struggle to sleep past 7am! I’d be ok with my husband sleeping until 10am as a one off, or if he’d been ill. Past 10am would start to feel a bit obscene to me!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 27/10/2019 15:54

I stayed in bed until 11 today as I'm slightly under the weather and have had a busy week, including Saturday. Our DC are 14 & 11 so they can get themselves up.

Plus it's raining and I want to hibernate! If DH had been caring for a sick child, though, I would've got up earlier. As it is, he's been acting virtuous because he got up at 9. Grin

Embracelife · 27/10/2019 15:56

Buy the minimum and do an online shop for whenever the delivery cost is low.
No one needs to go out to do a big food shop. Ever. Because online is available

OrchidInTheSun · 27/10/2019 16:02

It's funny how it's always men who stay in bed until lunchtime at the weekends when they have babies. It's even more funny how many women on MN fall over themselves to defend them opting out of the crappy early starts.

The bar is set so very, very low by so many. Sad

itllneverfitinthecar · 27/10/2019 16:07

No one needs to go out to do a big food shop. Ever. Because online is available

Maybe it is where you live, certainly not where I do.
Some people use cash only - can you shop on-line doing that?
I understand that there is a minimum order cost - not everyone will have that money spare.
Not everyone has 24/7 internet access.

Sorry OP - I am not referring to your personal circumstances (which are none of my business), but shamelessly glib posts like this make me very annoyed.

MaryMoffett · 27/10/2019 16:31

@DDIJ you post some very bizarre things on lots of threads ...

Asta19 · 27/10/2019 16:53

Part of a nice lie in is being able to just chill in bed with a coffee, reading or whatever. I wake up anywhere between 7 and 9 on a weekend but no way am I getting up at that time (no young DC/no partner). I’ll go and make a coffee and go back to bed. Sometimes I lie back down for an hour and doze. A good lie in is an experience, not just an extra hour of sleep Grin

Pinkblueberry · 27/10/2019 17:35

It's funny how it's always men who stay in bed until lunchtime at the weekends when they have babies. It's even more funny how many women on MN fall over themselves to defend them opting out of the crappy early starts.

It’s not ‘always’ though is it? I always have a lie in at the weekend - DH sometimes does but generally isn’t that bothered, so I always get a lie in on a Saturday and usually on a Sunday as well, cup of tea brought to me too. It’s a bit of a silly generalisation to make. Often on threads like this the lie ins have been pre-arranged - if someone is sleeping despite the family making plans for the day that’s not on, but more often than not it turns out the partner who wants to wake the other partner up agreed that they were happy for them to have a lie in. If my DH said he was happy to get up with DS and I could sleep and laze in bed, but then decided randomly in the morning to wake me up at 10 because actually we have x y z to do, I’d be livid.