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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House guest jumping whenever I'm in a room

85 replies

PinterStar · 27/10/2019 01:24

It's just weird!

This is my house, she knows it's my house, so why, every morning, does she feel the need to do this over exaggerated jump when I'm downstairs in the kitchen. Surely it's expected that someone will be in their own kitchen having breakfast in the morning?!

OP posts:

ChristmasOnTheIsthmus · 27/10/2019 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpookilyBadOooooooh · 27/10/2019 14:50

@TSSDNCOP it’s not just today.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 27/10/2019 14:50

Perhaps it's an exaggerated startle response

I'm like this - I just can't help it. I've thrown more cups of tea over myself (and others) when people speak to me and I'm not expecting it etc - I just can't not.

And yes - it is a PTSD thing. After the best part of 50 ears I still have occasional nightmares, but my nerves are absolutely rotten - so it may be that your guest is the same and can't help herself.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 27/10/2019 14:51

*50 years

FFS I am ashamed of my typing.

GunpowderGelatine · 27/10/2019 14:52

My mum does this and it drives me wild. I'm pretty sure she's doing it for attention as well

pictish · 27/10/2019 14:52

gwacky that would drive me mad. Ok she would startle...but you weren’t getting away with not paying her any attention over it were you?
Tedious.

gwackywacky · 27/10/2019 14:52

Oh okay then. Yes you're all right /thread over

lioness88 · 27/10/2019 14:55

I had a decorator working in my house earlier this year who jumped every time and clutched his chest in a dramatic manner every time I entered a room/ was in a room he was entering. I found it really odd, he knew I was home!

Bluerussian · 27/10/2019 14:56

She (or he) is just startled, some people are more easily so than others.

You could mention, laughingly, that there really is no need for her to jump when you come into the kitchen, tell her it has worried you. She'll try to correct it.

Queenbean · 27/10/2019 14:56

My DH’s best friend was a bomb disposal expert in Afghanistan and Iraq. He was very injured in an explosion which killed two of his colleagues and now suffers terribly from PTSD. One of the main triggers is the absolute silence (that comes from concentration of diffusing an IUD) and then the aprehension of the noise to come. He is very jumpy at sudden noise for this reason.

But I’ll let him know that he’s incredibly selfish, disrespectful of others and whatever other crap that poster spouted. Thank you for your public service @gwackywacky, I’m sure he’d absolutely love to hear just how selfish he is.

makingmammaries · 27/10/2019 14:57

How tedious. She could (a) try to figure out your normal morning habits and position herself so that she sees you coming into the kitchen, or (b) not go and stay with unsuspecting people if she really has such an issue. Or she could offer an explanation, if something had happened to make her act that way. Otherwise I’d tend to think it was attention-seeking behaviour.

RidgedPerfection · 27/10/2019 14:58

gwackywacky of course it isn't disrespectful and selfish; the last twice I have startled badly is firstly when a work colleague had come to stand behind me without me realising and tapped me on the shoulder to speak to me and a few days before that when a different colleague entered the office without me seeing (can't see past my monitors) and spoke to me. Both times I jumped and apologised for having jumped and we got on with our days. I don't shriek or fuss or clutch my chest or in any way make a big deal of it.

An exaggerated startle response and hyper vigilance are very real problems for some people. I never used to be like this at all, but life events have made it so. It's nothing to do with being selfish and everything to do with physiology and psychology.

Candymay · 27/10/2019 14:59

I have this issue. Mine’s even worse. I scream. My own family clap or shout as they walk around so that I know where they are. My older girl makes me upset because she doesn’t do it so to me she is creeping up. My toddler just accepts it as the norm to shout out when he’s coming through! It must be so weird for others but I feel it’s better to insist on this than to be constantly screaming at people. It’s a totally spontaneous reaction and I have no idea why it happens.

Queenbean · 27/10/2019 15:01

*defusing!!

That poster made me so pissed off it made me spell words wrong

Teacakeandalatte · 27/10/2019 15:03

Maybe you could start wearing a little bell like a cat so she hears you coming, or if feeling mean hide in her room and leap out shouting BOO!

Ronnie27 · 27/10/2019 15:03

I’m jumpy. My bedroom at my parents’ house was at the top of the heavily carpeted stairs and I’d scream frequently when my dad’s reflection would suddenly appear at the doorway in my mirror. I once bit my friend on the shoulder because her toast popped out of the toaster unexpectedly. Luckily they all found it funny but I am a bit anxious in general and it’s equally annoying for me if it’s any help, I just can’t stop it.

pictish · 27/10/2019 15:04

I think it’s unfair to all get the sulks at gwacky - she has made it clear that her flatmate didn’t just jump but also kept on about it too...which is fucking irritating however you look at it.

CruCru · 27/10/2019 15:04

Is she doing it on purpose or is it involuntary?

I used to have a friend who would do this every time the cat walked in. She knew we had a cat, she just wanted to make a fuss (she didn’t like cats).

This might be one of those times when saying something like “I’ve noticed that you seem to get a shock whenever I walk into a room. I find this weird because you know I live here. Is everything okay?” might be sensible. If she’s putting it on then she’ll realise it’s pissing you off and stop (or carry on if she is a pain in the arse). If she was the victim of a violent mugging, it would be kind of her to tell you so you can be understanding.

RidgedPerfection · 27/10/2019 15:05

Queenbean I am this way for a similar reason. Hyperacusis is also an issue.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2019 15:10

I think it’s unfair to all get the sulks at gwacky - she has made it clear that her flatmate didn’t just jump but also kept on about it too...which is fucking irritating however you look at it.

Then she should have made it clear that her flatmate’s behaviour was what irritated her rather than following it up with such awful words about how selfish people are AND also completely disregarding victims of PTSD by saying she thinks they should be “on the lookout”

Sparklfairy · 27/10/2019 15:12

Oh FFS. Just stick on a Halloween mask, sneak up behind her, give her a heart attack and be done with it

lighthearted for all the moany mners here today

VenusTiger · 27/10/2019 15:29

Maybe not woken up fully and in a world of their own.

Booksandwine80 · 27/10/2019 15:32

@butterybiscuitbasic

cherrytreesa · 27/10/2019 16:19

There's a difference between just being jumpy and the dramatics that some people display when they 'jump'.

I know some people who 'jump' and just say something like "Oh, what a fright I got, I never seen you there" and carry on with what they're doing. On the other hand, there's my dramatic family member who will do anything to try and get attention onto herself.

We were all sitting chatting, Aunts front door opens, not loudly or slammed...nobody jumps, everybody carries on chatting, the person who came in front door walks up the stairs. Dramatic family member shouts "OH MY GOD, WHO'S THAT, SOMEONE JUST CAME IN THE FRONT DOOR" whilst heavy breathing and hand on her chest. This is a busy house she's been in numerous times, there's always someone coming and going. We all just looked at her like and then carried on talking. Such a pain in the arse.

Dangerfloof · 27/10/2019 16:26

Its disrespectful to constantly be jumping when people come into a room
You joke right?
Jeez I startle cos I had a shitty childhood and I live on eggshells all the time. Even if I know someone will be entering the same room (hear the footsteps, whistle whatever) I jump out my skin. Its people that do this not noises. Oddly.

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