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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Time does your 6yo go to bed?

68 replies

CrouchedLioness · 26/10/2019 17:26

DH has been bickering with me since I politely mentioned that 10pm is probably too late for his 6yo to go to bed. He has him from Friday after school through til Sunday tea time EOW. He has issues getting him to actually get in bed as he allows him to play video games up until it’s actually time so I imagine he’s still quite alert when it’s late. He gets up at 7am and is usually very grouchy from lack of sleep. I mainly mentioned it as I don’t want him to mess up any routine his son may have at home and then he’ll get it in the neck from his son’s mother. I have my own DD with him and she goes to bed at 7pm every night, she’s 4 so it’s probably easier I’m not sure? AIBU to think 10pm is too late? What time does everyone else’s under 10s go to bed?

OP posts:
SamsMumsCateracts · 26/10/2019 17:29

Oh my word, 10pm is far too late. My five and seven year olds go to bed a 7/7.30, asleep by 8. No wonder he's grumpy! What is his routine with his mum? Perhaps try to mirror that rather than throw him off kilter every other week. And drop the gaming!

Andbreatheout · 26/10/2019 17:33

Same here, 5yo goes to bed at 7 and is up 6.30, 7yo usually 7-7.30 and up 6.30. 10 is way too late! Weekends oldest can stay up to 8ish, he'd be cranky as hell if we let him up til 10!

Original poster
CrouchedLioness · 26/10/2019 17:34

I try my best to offer DH advice but he goes on the defensive with ‘he’s my son not yours etc.’. I don’t really help with the care as I usually use the time to visit family or have alone time with DD out somewhere so he can spend quality time with his son. I try not to overstep the boundaries but it’s my home too and getting a bit tedious having kids Netflix on until 10pm and not being able to sit down with a glass of wine!Grin I’ll see if he will ask his son’s mum about routine but they don’t talk much, contact is done through his parents they pick him up and drop him off

OP posts:
GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:35

10pm is way too late.
At 6 DD was in bed at 7-7:30pm

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:36

This might help

Time does your 6yo go to bed?
Her0utdoors · 26/10/2019 17:37

That a rediculously late bed time, and I bet it fucks up the beginning of the following week for ds mum. Dd sleeps 8pm-7am on average. If I didn't have to spend so muetime wresting 2yo ds every bedtime, she'd probably be asleep by just gone 7pm

Her0utdoors · 26/10/2019 17:38

My kids could do with looking at the above table, bedtime makes not difference to wake up time. Sadly.

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:39

Show him this too. His bad parenting choices may affect his DS in many ways.

www.nhs.uk/news/neurology/lack-of-sleep-may-disrupt-development-of-a-childs-brain/

Boobiliboobiliboo · 26/10/2019 17:43

I can count on the fingers of one had how many times my now 9 year old has been in bed at a time with a 7 in it.

As a baby she slept midnight till noon. At 3 it was 10:00 till 8:45am. At 6 she’d have been going to bed at about 8:30 and asleep by about 9:30.

Not all children are larks.

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:43

This is interesting too. Just posting these in case you need to show him that it’s not just you saying this. There are so many articles if you google it.

www.childrens.com/health-wellness/your-childs-sleep-affects-their-brain

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:44

I also second those PP’s saying his routine should mirror what his routine is mid week. Good sleep health includes maintaining the same pattern where possible.

It’s not so much about the bed time, more about the number of hours they get and good quality sleep too.

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 17:46

No DD’s bedtime never affected her wake up time. That was always fixed at around 6am. So I made sure she went to bed early enough to get in enough hours before 6am wake up.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/10/2019 17:54

7.30pm for my 6 year old. I get up at 6am in the week as I'm an early riser, I don't wake him then but he usually is up himself not long after.

I let him stay up a bit later on Friday and Saturday nights but no later than 9pm and he's not allowed to game at that time either.

ToxicOven · 26/10/2019 17:58

My 7yo is in bed around 8pm, asleep usually by 9pm but sometimes closer to 9.30pm. He sleeps 10 hours a night regardless of when he falls asleep.

Original poster
CrouchedLioness · 26/10/2019 18:00

Thank you for the chart GreySheep it’s really useful info! I’ll definitely forward it to DH. Even if he didn’t actually go to sleep until 9pm it would be much better for his son to be physically in bed at 7pm or such reading a book and winding down.

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 26/10/2019 18:01

The my son not yours comment is Hmm

And you mainly leave your own home in order for DH to accommodate his son.

It’s your home too and actually you should have some input into his child’s routine whilst he is in your joint house and care.

10pm is way too late for a 6 year old but I think the bigger issue here is your husband and where he sees you in this relationship

PeopleMover · 26/10/2019 18:05

4 & 6yo here. Both in bed between and 7-7.30pm . The 4yo falls asleep straight away, 6yo reads for about an hour.

10pm is far too late, poor kid must be exhausted.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 26/10/2019 18:06

10pm is way too late for a 6yo. I would be interested to know what time this child goes to bed during the week when he's in the care of his DM.

Crystal87 · 26/10/2019 18:08

Almost 6 year old goes up between 7 and 8, normally 7.15

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 26/10/2019 18:09

Far too late! My 7 almost 8 year old is in bed for 7pm.

ShinyGiratina · 26/10/2019 18:13

I've got a 6yo who has always needed a below average amount of sleep. It can be 10pm by the time he finally shuts down, but he is sent off to bed by 9pm and has a proper bedtime routine before that including no screentime for at least an hour before that. Even if he's struggling to go to sleep, he's resting.

Video games are awful for sleep, the light quality, noise and adrenaline/ excitement are all counterproductive to getting rest and gradually relaxing to sleep. A young child shouldn't regularly be stimulated and kept awake for so long, and they need regular routines.

MinnieMountain · 26/10/2019 18:13

DS (6 next week) goes to sleep at 8.15pm and wakes up at 6.15-6.30am.
We read to him for 30 minutes then lie with him whilst he falls asleep.

Venger · 26/10/2019 18:13

2yo goes at 7pm.
5yo goes at 7.30pm.
8yo goes at 8pm.
10yo goes at 9pm.

They get to stay up a little later on weekends and on holidays as needed but usually when they've had a late night they need a slightly earlier bedtime the following night to compensate, especially the 8yo and 5yo who both tend to be very grumpy if they haven't had enough sleep.

WreckTangled · 26/10/2019 18:19

Up to be at 6:30 asleep for 7 and have to wake him up for school at 7 in the morning usually. Although sometimes he wakes of his own accord.

10 is way too late and would annoy me as the evening is my time without the dc Grin

Nogoodusername · 26/10/2019 18:47

5 year old - in bed at 8, two stories and song, probably falls asleep about 8.30pm, up at 7.30ish

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