Is he being unreasonable or am I just hard work?

[Isitmeoryouorwhat]

I'm really not sure!

DH was going to do his hobby this morning but decided he didn't want to because he was hungover yesterday and it needed preparing for. He doesn't go out often and it was a special occasion and so this morning instead I encouraged him to have a lie in while I got up with DS as usual. In that time I cleaned downstairs, made breakfast, dressed DS etc. I am on mat leave and do this most weekends.

He did a couple of DIY things which was great and watched a bit of TV and then asked if there was anything he could do as we have family visiting tomorrow and he was bored. I said it would be really helpful if he could clean the fish tank as he is good at it.

He said sure and then half way through announced "I knew my day would be all cleaning for tomorrow, if only I'd gone out"

I said why ask if you can do something if you don't want to? Then when I said that he said he knew I'd be stressed about preparing for tomorrow - I'm honestly not, the house is clean and tidy so I'll just whizz over the bathrooms and floors again tomorrow morning and that's it really.

Then I got cross and now I think I've overreacted to that comment although it's a really typical situation.

What shall I say next time to keep cool and dignified? I'm not sure if he does it on purpose to wind me up but either way I'm sure there's a better way to react. It just needles me so much!

I was quite happy for him to go out too, and encouraged him yesterday

I wouldn't say anything to be honest. He seems determined to play the victim about something so trivial so I'd just carry on with my day as normal and leave him to it.

Whose family are visiting? Surely he knows entertaining guests requires preparing beforehand? He sounds like a moody teenager.

He’s the one that sounds like hard work. You sound like you do a lot of hard work whilst he does exactly what he wants and still moans about it.

I'd be reminding him that he had a lovely lie in, and now he's upset he's having to do ONE job around his own home. You're on mat leave, are you having another baby? When's your lie in?

Just count to ten and ignore him, he's determined to play the martyr and make his mood your fault and your problem. Just smile sweetly and ignore it.

He does do things about the house - he's great with DIY, he sometimes cooks and loads the dishwasher.

His friends and the men in his family do absolutely nothing whatsoever around the house or with childcare so I think he feels like he's doing a lot.

In turn I feel like a naggy old housewife though if I ask for anything - which he jokes about, but I don't find it funny. I don't want to be a nag or boring but have to be responsible. On the the other hand he does generally do things if I ask him to so maybe there's a certain level of martyrdom on my part because I just can't be arsed with the comments about it?

I don't know but really he's a pretty good husband, generous with money, kind to me in other ways etc. I know I can't change his behaviour and only mine so how do I learn not to react? I just can't help it!

Count to ten and smile sweetly. I'll do that

Sounds like he's hungover, feeling crap, and probably annoyed at himself for getting pissed and screwing up his chances of doing his hobby. As a result he's taking it out on you.... just roll your eyes. If This only happens on rare occasions it's not worth getting into a fight you can't win.

What is the hobby? Is it outing?

He sometimes cooks and loads the dishwasher

Well that makes him a superb, committed member of the household then.

What is the hobby

Three guesses TheQueef

1. Fishing.
2. Cycling.
3. Iron man Triathlon.

Amirite OP?

It is one of those yes 😂

It is both sides of family to answer a PP question

😂 @TheQueef

Winner 🏆

Bloody cycling???

“ What is the hobby? Is it outing?”
Of course it’s outing. There is only one man in the entire country who uses cycling as an excuse to avoid family life.......

He sounds like hard work, he clearly wants to be the victim. I’d have a conversation with him when you’re both calm and explain that really he isn’t doing that much around the house and it isn’t all down to you.

He doesnt sound like hard work and neither do you.

Id put this down to a hungover snappy reaction. I wouldnt read anything into it!

I would tell him i don't find his naggy wife jokes funny. You need to up your standards. He does occasional diy, cooks and loads the dishwasher sometimes. That's not really pulling his weight in a family.

Unless he asks a direct question that requires a direct answer then I'd just say nothing. What he said was just a statement. A woe-is-me statement. So I'd let him woe, and go merrily about my business.

Cycling again .... these dudes on bikes why do they behave like children?

Well, unpopular though it might be for me to say - I'd say you are completely over reacting. I genuinely can't see what he has supposed to have done wrong here. If I had decided to stay in and catch up, it's a comment I might make myself.

He sometimes cooks and loads the dishwasher

Do you honestly think that's acceptable? I'd expect an 8 year old to contribute to their home more than that.