Is he being unreasonable or am I just hard work?

[Isitmeoryouorwhat]

I'm really not sure!

DH was going to do his hobby this morning but decided he didn't want to because he was hungover yesterday and it needed preparing for. He doesn't go out often and it was a special occasion and so this morning instead I encouraged him to have a lie in while I got up with DS as usual. In that time I cleaned downstairs, made breakfast, dressed DS etc. I am on mat leave and do this most weekends.

He did a couple of DIY things which was great and watched a bit of TV and then asked if there was anything he could do as we have family visiting tomorrow and he was bored. I said it would be really helpful if he could clean the fish tank as he is good at it.

He said sure and then half way through announced "I knew my day would be all cleaning for tomorrow, if only I'd gone out"

I said why ask if you can do something if you don't want to? Then when I said that he said he knew I'd be stressed about preparing for tomorrow - I'm honestly not, the house is clean and tidy so I'll just whizz over the bathrooms and floors again tomorrow morning and that's it really.

Then I got cross and now I think I've overreacted to that comment although it's a really typical situation.

What shall I say next time to keep cool and dignified? I'm not sure if he does it on purpose to wind me up but either way I'm sure there's a better way to react. It just needles me so much!

And if one of us said "I knew my day would be all cleaning for tomorrow, if only I'd gone out" the other would say “ha! Shouldn’t have given yourself a hangover then ya daftie!”

The fact this has led you into an argument must mean there’s unresolved issues somewhere. Do you ever get to stop doing chores? Or get a break from childcare?

I'd have just said 'it was your choice', shrugged and ignored him. My DH has long since learned I don't respond to guilt-tripping, sulking or passive aggression and if he wants to martyr himself that's entirely his look out, he'll get no reward from me.

I think you have to really cement the truth in your own mind, you know you do the lions share and he has it easy so there's no reason for you to pay his hard done by act the slightest bit of attention. If mine offers to do something I just say 'yes please darling' and leave him to it, any moaning and I'll say 'you offered' deadpan and walk away. I think it's a case of making it clear him doing jobs isn't something he gets rewarded for, it's just expected.

I give the appearance of being oblivious to huffing, moaning or heavy hints that he's doing me some kind of favour. I never react and I must have 'faked it til I made it' because I no longer even get irritated by it, it's water off a ducks back. He does it considerably less often these days though, I guess because it gets him nowhere.

Thank you for these replies and the honest posters who thought I was overreacting. Although his comments are annoying, you are right. He does work hard in the week (yes yes I know but I feel like I am lucky to be at home with DS at the moment, although I did previously work much longer hours than DH and I'm sure I will again) so I'm usually happy to give him lie ins and do most of the work around the house.

It's not cycling by the way but one of the other two.

DS was up in the night a lot last night so I asked DH if he could get up with him at 6 (DS obviously thought it was 7 when he normally gets up due to clocks). DH was horrrified even though we discussed it yesterday and was cross that I "got DS up" while most of you will know that DC get themselves up and there's no reasoning with a baby.

We've whizzed around the house now and he commented this time that he knew he would "spend most of the WEEKEND cleaning" which was the fish tank yesterday and kitchen today. We're all done now.

I used the strategies here and they were effective and now we will enjoy our day without strife!

I do love him and he is good to us so this is a little tongue in cheek although you are right about the principles here

Thanks all