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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not drive them to school?

60 replies

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:45

Our closest secondary school, and now rezoned 'catchment' school, is in the next town.

DS's have the option of riding, walking or being driven. No buses. The walk is around 1/2 hour to 3/4 hour, but the ride is only 10/5 minutes or so.

DS1 needs his bike tire fixed. I have said all he has to do is walk it into our town (again around 1/2 hr) and I will meet him there with the car to pay for it and he can ride home. He has refused to do this. So is currently walking to school. Other DS rides. (The bike will not fit in our tiny car) It has been this way for two weeks.

He is now really angry that I won't drive him to school. (tbh he does this though even when he does have his bike!)

My reasons being: We live in town A. They go to school on the closest edge to us of town B. But DD goes to school on furthest away from us edge of town A. I then have to go to work on the furthest edge of Town B.
So if I dropped them off I would go
home (A) -> closer side town B ->further side of A -> other side of B
rather than
A-> other side of A -> B.

So it takes probably an hour of going between two towns!

The timings are also tight. I need to drop DD by 8.30 or I will not get back to the far side of Town B by 9. Traffic is horrendous in both towns. Going to Town B frst then back to the far side of A makes us sit in even worse traffic flows (usually we are going against the main traffic) and DD is late, making me late. Add in the fact that DD is also SEN so kicks off if we have to interrupt her routine/rush her to get DSs to school.

So, am I being horribly mean to not drive them? I get it is cold and darkish sometimes (but he has a coat and gloves and hat) but millions of teens walk to school each morning, surely? or he can get his bike into town ffs!

OP posts:

Whattodoabout · 26/10/2019 10:49

Most secondary school kids make their own way to school so YANBU at all. It would have been embarrassing to have a parent drop you off when I was at school. My DH had the opposite experience in private school, it was only embarrassing if your parents had a shit car 🙄 but other than that, everyone got a lift because the majority lived rurally miles away from the school.

I do feel for your DS if it’s raining though not having a bus to at least take the edge off but it is only a half an hour walk so he’ll survive.

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:51

oops forgot to add, DS does have SEN, but is very high functioning. Can travel into both towns to socialise quite happily in the holidays. I think it might be the early time they have to leave if walking

OP posts:

MarvelMum3 · 26/10/2019 10:51

YANBU. 30-40 minute walk to school the entire way through secondary. Absolutely fine - and I didn't have a mobile phone for the first year! Or he can ride his bike? Seems reasonable to me! My school wouldn't even let parents drop off in the car so wasn't an option!

Although playing devil's advocate here - maybe he doesn't want to walk alone, especially if your other DS rides his bike! Would also explain why he doesn't want to walk into town to get his bike fixed? He could just be being lazy but something to think about!

GreenTulips · 26/10/2019 10:52

Doesn’t his wheel clip off and go in the car?
Could he ask a friend to help him take the tyre off - tools are £3 inner tube £5

DS big bike goes in my small car with the seats down - and one child - it’s possible

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:53

And DD is only in primary. When she goes up to secondary, at the same school as DS's then I can possibly just drop them on my way to work if it is absolutely tipping it down. Yes, it sucks walking in the rain though. But if it snows then I have no idea how I will even do the shorter trip between the towns without everything being late argh!!

OP posts:

SarahTancredi · 26/10/2019 10:54

That's not Particularly long walk. No way I'd be combatting traffic if they could walk for half an hour instead.

If he wants to ride then he just needs to get his arse in gear. His choice.

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:55

Doesn’t his wheel clip off and go in the car? Hmm, I have no idea! But then he would still have to walk into town as I would need to take DD because she is too young to be left and both wouldn't fit in the car.

OP posts:

BeatriceTheBeast · 26/10/2019 10:56

Yanbu re driving them to school, but I don't really get why you are asking him to get his bike into town on foot while you drive? If it's not a long walk, would you not walk together? Or if you really want to drive, would you nor unclip the wheel that needs to be fixed or get his bike in your car?

I'm not necessarily saying YABU with this either, I'm just wondering what the reason for it is.

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:58

maybe he doesn't want to walk alone, especially if your other DS rides his bike! Maybe - but they aren't getting along at the moment anyway as DS had to walk with his brother for a time to make sure he got to school safely due to some medical problems. This is no longer an issue but DS2 only started riding because DS1 was being horrible to him.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 11:00

@BeatriceTheBeast- Simply due to timings. They would get home before me and be able to get into town while I collect DD after work. So it makes sense rather than waiting till late in the afternoon when the bike shop is closing and possibly miss it. I also have a second job in the evenings so need time to get home, do dinner, thrown some washing on, etc before I am out the door again.

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/10/2019 11:04

You can get mobile bike repairs - they come to you - and get bike tyre fixed that way. Would be more expensive though.

Wellmet · 26/10/2019 11:07

You don't have a car big enough for both of your children? I'm a bit lost.

Hecateh · 26/10/2019 11:08

Distance is immaterial, if walking his bike into town solves the problem then the solution is in his own hands. If you give him a lift then there is even less incentive for him to get his bike fixed.

HunnyMummy1993 · 26/10/2019 11:15

If it’s only a flat tyre, can you both not waste YouTube and figure it out.

Or ask a neighbour for help. I frequently do bike fixes for friends and neighbours.

HunnyMummy1993 · 26/10/2019 11:15

*watch

frogsoup · 26/10/2019 11:17

Not relevant, but when I first read the OP I thought 'going to school by horse, wow'
(And of course he should cycle!)

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 11:19

You don't have a car big enough for both of your children? The car is a small one, four seats. The bike would take up at least the space of two. So mea driving, DD who can't be left, and the bike. No room for DS.

Normally, all the children and me fit in the car!

OP posts:

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 26/10/2019 11:20

Is it the front wheel or the back one that needs fixing?

If it's the front one then either it'll have a quick release lever on the axle to remove it or you'll need tools. Ask neighbours if you need tools you don't have. Don't forget to disconnect the brake too otherwise it wont release the wheel.

A cyclist of secondary school age should really be able to do this themselves. Then you can take the wheel to the bike shop in the car, or he could take it himself on the bus, or he could figure out how to repair it himself. If it's a simple puncture then again a cyclist of secondary school age should really be able to do this themselves.

If it's the back wheel that's a bit more complicated because of the gears, but it's not as hard as it looks at first - look for YouTube videos to help.

Once the bike is sorted he has two good options for getting to school, walking or cycling. Leave him to it and let him choose.

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 11:20

@frogsoup

OP posts:

Passthecherrycoke · 26/10/2019 11:23

I’d just get the bike fixed. DIY, strap it to the roof, remove the wheel etc and take it in the car. It’ll need to be done at some
Point

Passthecherrycoke · 26/10/2019 11:23

Or, you walk it with him or without him at the weekend

BeatriceTheBeast · 26/10/2019 11:25

Thanks for clarifying. Yanbu at all. It looks like there's no other option really than for him to walk the bike in and meet you there. Would his brother go with him for company? Or could you go together on a day you don't work?

ElizaDee · 26/10/2019 11:27

If it's too much to get the bike fixed in the evening, do it on a Saturday

BigFatLiar · 26/10/2019 11:27

Take him to school in the car and stop near his friends, get out, give him a big kiss, ruffle his hair and tell him to have lovely day and mummy will see him later.

AJPTaylor · 26/10/2019 11:28

Ask amongst your friends. Someone will have a bike rack.
Ring the bike shop and ask how much repair will be. Pay over the phone or give ds the cash
For whatever reason your ds doesn't want to do it the way you think is obvious..

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