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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not drive them to school?

60 replies

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:45

Our closest secondary school, and now rezoned 'catchment' school, is in the next town.

DS's have the option of riding, walking or being driven. No buses. The walk is around 1/2 hour to 3/4 hour, but the ride is only 10/5 minutes or so.

DS1 needs his bike tire fixed. I have said all he has to do is walk it into our town (again around 1/2 hr) and I will meet him there with the car to pay for it and he can ride home. He has refused to do this. So is currently walking to school. Other DS rides. (The bike will not fit in our tiny car) It has been this way for two weeks.

He is now really angry that I won't drive him to school. (tbh he does this though even when he does have his bike!)

My reasons being: We live in town A. They go to school on the closest edge to us of town B. But DD goes to school on furthest away from us edge of town A. I then have to go to work on the furthest edge of Town B.
So if I dropped them off I would go
home (A) -> closer side town B ->further side of A -> other side of B
rather than
A-> other side of A -> B.

So it takes probably an hour of going between two towns!

The timings are also tight. I need to drop DD by 8.30 or I will not get back to the far side of Town B by 9. Traffic is horrendous in both towns. Going to Town B frst then back to the far side of A makes us sit in even worse traffic flows (usually we are going against the main traffic) and DD is late, making me late. Add in the fact that DD is also SEN so kicks off if we have to interrupt her routine/rush her to get DSs to school.

So, am I being horribly mean to not drive them? I get it is cold and darkish sometimes (but he has a coat and gloves and hat) but millions of teens walk to school each morning, surely? or he can get his bike into town ffs!

OP posts:

IsItChristmas · 26/10/2019 12:42

Caught up on other messages and can see now that you've already dealt or have plans in place to fix the tire. Great. I still think fixing the tire is where you really need to step in with all the enthusiasm and positivity you can master. You need to teach him that it's no big deal, because sooner or later it will happen again.

mankyfourthtoe · 26/10/2019 12:46

Take the tyre off the bike and get it fixed?

Pringlesfortea · 26/10/2019 12:51

Why aren’t you trying to help your son ,instead of making life difficult for him

ASandwichNamedKevin · 26/10/2019 13:05

Why aren’t you trying to help your son ,instead of making life difficult for him

Exactly Pringles!
My parents went out of their way to help us kids and I'm very grateful they did.
Usually had to walk home from school as they were working but got a lift there in the morning and could dawdle on the way home.
This kid needs to learn bike maintenance but it doesn't happen overnight, they need help.

Notodontidae · 26/10/2019 13:08

Both boys walk to school, half an hour exercise is great for them even if it snows, you dont want to be raising a pair of wimps do you. That is fair for both of them, and they learn to do what they are told. If they are lucky enough for you to be able to take them all to school when DD goes to secondary School, they will appreciate the comfort. But DD will probably benifit from the walk to school when she reaches 11, fresh air and exercise is good for people with SEN

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 13:39

I am NOT trying to make life difficult for him The whole reason I wanted him to take the bike to the shop with me was so he could get to know the guy in the shop, have a conversation with him, learn about what goes into getting a bike fixed (he cannot do it himself, despite his age) rather than him thinking things get magically fixed cos mum runs around after him. Kids with SEN, especially through the teenage years, need this introduction into if you can't do it yourself, here is how to get help. He knows the corner shop owner and confidently gos in there on the way home from school to get bits - but this did not happen overnight.

I WAS facilitating the bike getting fixed. Clearly, it was too much as he was putting it off constantly. So, if you read my updates, I have taken on board posters suggestions of youtube etc and managed to take it off myself and am taking it in to the shop and getting it fixed without him. Now I know how to do it, I can learn the next step of changing the actual inner tube (I will ask which one we need when I take it in) and when it happens next time I can take him through how to do it in a calm, non stressed way - did you miss where I have two SEN kids with competing needs to juggle?!

Re the driving, I have explained why it is difficult. And other posters have said I am not unreasonable in that part. This is a new situation. Previously I wasn't working during the day in an office - I was working from home. We just need to get into the swing of a new routine I think. Changing DD school and a new job have had their impact.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 13:41

My parents went out of their way to help us kids As do I - as much as I can! read my responses. I do everything I can to facilitate everything that needs to happen. From rotas and schedules to teaching chores to teaching how to live in the world to catering for all of the various needs and clubs and appointments. :(

OP posts:

CheshireChat · 26/10/2019 20:04

Don't take this the wrong way as I assume you don't work so much just for the heck of it, but do you get any quality time with the kids term time? You work during the evening and both days during the weekend, who's watching the kids?

As maybe he's playing up as he's simply looking for attention.

Another thing is- do they have where to leave their coat and rain gear etc whilst at school or do they have to lug it around all day? As I can understand how that would get very old, very quick.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/10/2019 10:48

As do I - as much as I can! read my responses. I do everything I can to facilitate everything that needs to happen. From rotas and schedules to teaching chores to teaching how to live in the world to catering for all of the various needs and clubs and appointments.

Sorry Spotty it does sound full on for you especially with 2 jobs, my parents didn't have SEN to contend with (just stroppy teens!).
To me a 45 minute walk with schoolbag etc would be a pain but I think teens now probably carry less heavy books than many years ago (we didn't have lockers the first few years of high school).
Good luck with it all

Notodontidae · 30/10/2019 11:07

Im not confident or able to visualise to what extent your SEN DCs would be able to do this task. I do know that walking a dead bicycle a mile or two into town can be somewhat embarrasing to a sensitive teen. DCs that I know who could change a bike tyre, were probably first shown at 6YO, had a go with help at 8YO, and then did themselves at 10+ Tyre levers can flick out in your eye if your not careful, rim edges can cut your fingers. Children who go dirt-biking, doing wheelies, and using their bicycles for things other that going to school are the ones who learn. Your DC that would rather walk, doesn't seem interested, and forgive me as well, but you do seem like you are overwhelmed, which is why suggested they both walk, they will be safer on the footpath, and the walk will be good for them. I am only trying to help, you will know best what to do.

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