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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not drive them to school?

60 replies

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 10:45

Our closest secondary school, and now rezoned 'catchment' school, is in the next town.

DS's have the option of riding, walking or being driven. No buses. The walk is around 1/2 hour to 3/4 hour, but the ride is only 10/5 minutes or so.

DS1 needs his bike tire fixed. I have said all he has to do is walk it into our town (again around 1/2 hr) and I will meet him there with the car to pay for it and he can ride home. He has refused to do this. So is currently walking to school. Other DS rides. (The bike will not fit in our tiny car) It has been this way for two weeks.

He is now really angry that I won't drive him to school. (tbh he does this though even when he does have his bike!)

My reasons being: We live in town A. They go to school on the closest edge to us of town B. But DD goes to school on furthest away from us edge of town A. I then have to go to work on the furthest edge of Town B.
So if I dropped them off I would go
home (A) -> closer side town B ->further side of A -> other side of B
rather than
A-> other side of A -> B.

So it takes probably an hour of going between two towns!

The timings are also tight. I need to drop DD by 8.30 or I will not get back to the far side of Town B by 9. Traffic is horrendous in both towns. Going to Town B frst then back to the far side of A makes us sit in even worse traffic flows (usually we are going against the main traffic) and DD is late, making me late. Add in the fact that DD is also SEN so kicks off if we have to interrupt her routine/rush her to get DSs to school.

So, am I being horribly mean to not drive them? I get it is cold and darkish sometimes (but he has a coat and gloves and hat) but millions of teens walk to school each morning, surely? or he can get his bike into town ffs!

OP posts:

ElizaDee · 26/10/2019 11:28

Or send him to the town on his own with his bike and the money.

Widowodiw · 26/10/2019 11:28

You need to help him get his tyre fixed don’t you and then problem solved. Either walk in together st the weekend or take Dd and bike with you in the car. Whilst you are there get them to teach you basic bike maintenance as if your expecting him to bike then your going to need to fix bikes when they are broke. You can teach your son to do this too.

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 11:30

I guess the problem is this isn't just an issue when the bike needs fixing either. He gets so angry and it starts the morning horribly. Not helped by the fact that when DD was at a closer school last year and I wasn't working the day time job I could do it as it was an easier juggle. I still didn't do it all the time though!

(for context, I work school hours during the week, plus evenings, plus Saturday evenings and all day Sunday)

I have offered to sort it today for him so the shop has time to repair it over half term and we can collect it in good time, but he isn't bothered and is putting it off until Monday. I only have Monday and Thursday off next week. My concern - which I have told him - is that he then won't want to on Monday and we will run out of time, making it not ready for next term as he tends to leave things to the last minute.

It is the front wheel, but no quick release. WIll have a youtube search and see what I can do - Have to do the weekly shopping today and housework then go to work, but perhaps I can give it a try on Monday.

Irritates me that he is not willing to put n the effort to make everyone's life easier and happier though!

OP posts:

KnifeAngel · 26/10/2019 11:37

The wheel will come off you can then take it to get it fixed. You don't need to take the whole bike.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/10/2019 11:41

Lots of replies have suggested ways of getting bike fixed, but you don't seem to be taking them in.

Here's another one: you and your daughter take the bike in the car to the bike shop. Your son doesn't need to be there.

I understand the problem is still there when the bike is fixed too (your son just wants a lift to school), but you can only remove the barriers /make it easier.

SunshineAngel · 26/10/2019 11:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable about him getting to school on his own. I DO think you're being unreasonable about getting the bike fixed. Why can't you just take it in the car, and then drive it back? Sorry but I can see why he wouldn't want to do all that after getting home from school - and particularly if he's SEN (whatever that means for him) and getting a bike fixed is unfamiliar to him.

All your problems could just be solved by getting this bike fixed, so just get it done for him for goodness sake! He's a child!

boilingstormyseas · 26/10/2019 11:44

Actions and consequences ... hard way/easy way ... you've given your DS options to help him solve the issue but he hasn't taken the initiative. The result is that until he does something about his bike - take it into town, work out how to fix it via YouTube/neighbour, then he has to walk to school. Explain firmly once more, reiterate what the consequences are of not fixing it and let him get on with it.

itsgettingweird · 26/10/2019 11:45

Well if he wants it fixed he needs to at least make some effort and compromise which your posts indicate he isn't willing to do.

It's interesting reading all the replies re distance walking to school though and how it's normal for secondary pupils to get themselves there (my ds gets transport as at different school on echp). I've often wondered if it's weird my neighbours drive their DD to school 1.1 miles away - and both parents take her. Didn't think that was usual!

Boysey45 · 26/10/2019 11:49

Get him to ask on Facebook if another cyclist will show him how to mend his puncture.Anyone who rides a bike needs to know how to do this themselves.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 26/10/2019 11:51

Do you have a partner?

What happens to the kids when you are at work every evening/weekend?

Might your sons anger be about more than getting to school?

Boysey45 · 26/10/2019 11:52

You just need a puncture repair kit, an adjustable spanner and some tyre leavers.Its really straightforward. You can get puncture repair kits from wilkos for a pound.

Gitfeatures · 26/10/2019 11:56

You've said he asks for lifts even when his bike is fine, so the bike is a bit of a red herring. He wants to be taken to school - the question is, why?
Is he being picked on? Is he lazy? Does he not want to leave so early? Is he a stroppy bugger in general?

How old is he anyway? Is he resentful of your D being driven to school (despite her age?)

FabbyChix · 26/10/2019 11:58

SarahTancredi · 26/10/2019 11:58

I've often wondered if it's weird my neighbours drive their DD to school 1.1 miles away - and both parents take her. Didn't think that was usual!

I've often wondered if the traffic would be as bad if people stopped driving their kids perfectly walkable distances.

It must take.longer to drive the 1.1 miles at times than it would to walk.

Weekday28 · 26/10/2019 12:02

You are not being unreasonable. That walk is the same I used to do at secondary school. The bike issue is up to him now, you have given him options and he doesn't want to do it so tough.

LolaSmiles · 26/10/2019 12:04

30minute walk is standard at many secondaries. They don't need a lift. There's solutions available if he's willing to take them

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 12:08

Thank you for all of the suggestions of youtube and taking the tyre off. I genuinely didn't know you could do it at home as they have those machines at the shop. It is surprisingly easy!

I have now taken the tyre off and it is in the car. I will drop it off to the shop whilst doing the weekly shop and pick it up after and put it back on.

Taking him completely out of the equation!

I guess my annoyance was it is all left to me to solve with a click of my fingers at the last minute with no initiative shown to fix the problem, other than rage at me because I am not able to perform miracles in nanoseconds!

Thank you all for the bum kick and help

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/10/2019 12:10

Yay! Good luck with fixing his attitude

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 12:13

You've said he asks for lifts even when his bike is fine, so the bike is a bit of a red herring. True. I think it is a combination of laziness and the early starts tbh.

He is 14 and at the grunting stage!

What happens when it’s pissing down or snowing personally I’d not walk that far to work and I wouldn’t expect my kids to walk that far to school. If you don’t work If day it’s your duty as a parent to drive them
Did you not read where I said I do work? And in fact, the second job is quite inaccessible by car during the snow so I regularly walk or ride there - and in summer when the timings for looking after the children work then I will ride or walk too. It isn't an onerous walk to work or to either school. and I would say it is safer for all to walk during the snow than take an hours journey in traffic back and forth across towns - it would also be quicker. To reach DDs school walking it also takes around half an hour, the same riding as she is quite slow and we were doing this until I took the day time job.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpottyDressingGown · 26/10/2019 12:15

Yay! Good luck with fixing his attitude grin I live in hope! The day DD and him get along will be a day for the history books! (competing SEN is the trigger!) Ideally, they would all live in separate houses and I would be split in three!

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 26/10/2019 12:15

I have offered to sort it today for him so the shop has time to repair it over half term and we can collect it in good time, but he isn't bothered and is putting it off until Monday.

I think you should remove the decision from his hands and get the bike fixed. This delay is feeding into his hands.

He'll carry on moaning, no doubt, but you can simply direct him to the bike every time.

Gutenfrau · 26/10/2019 12:20

Is there another way?
Your DD, she is going to a SEN school? Is there social transport you could get for her?
Then, it looks like you do not need to go to other side of town A, then the DS’ school is same place, B, where you work? So a ride there not make you late.

YANBU ok? It just sound like you are at your maximum with many jobs and three children. I don’t know how old your DS’ are but younger secondary school is pre-teenage. I don’t know your roads but they seem twisty and narrow whenever I visit the U.K. so I would worry about boy on bike in traffic on dark or rainy day.

Gutenfrau · 26/10/2019 12:24

Oh seeing your update now. Amazed you are doing so much on your own. I think 14 he can be ok going to school on his own.

stayathomer · 26/10/2019 12:33

Yanbu BUT your attitude (I mean this in the nicest possible way) is very much 'I don't get why he can't...' Maybe just consider this when talking to him 30/45 minutes is a long walk if you're tired and lugging a big bag. Also I assume you take him the odd time, ie if horrendous, lashing rain etc?

IsItChristmas · 26/10/2019 12:37

All sounds entirely reasonable but I think you need to be more involved in fixing the tire and making sure that your children know how to do it themselves in the future. I cycle to work every day and punctures are very frustrating, but will be doubly so for your DS1 if he doesn't know how to fix them. It's not hard but takes practice. You need to teach him how to do it or get someone else to teach him. I would totally prioritise this over everything else so that DS1 can get back on track. You need to fix it near the school or wherever the bike is. If you need a new tube, you need to know which one to buy - ask your DS1 to take a picture of the tire, all the parameters you need will be on there. Something like 700 x 32c.

I wouldn't ask anyone to walk for half an hour or more with the bike that has a flat tire. It's doable but really really unpleasant.

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