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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu that everyone said the newborn was the hard bit?

153 replies

MissMarpletheMurderer · 25/10/2019 20:26

The tough bit of parenting is the no sleep newborn stage. I accepted this it was bloody hard. I still kept a diary and I've just read back my feelings. It was hard, exhausting my marriage took a battering bit at least it was divide and conquer. We were a team.
Teenagers are a whole different ball game, they try to divide and conquer us. I am more exhausted and near to the brink than at any parenting age before. I have signed up to a parenting class but I'm very open with my friends and everyone is saying the same. Aibu to suggest the pre teenage part is the BYAGTG (best you are going to get?)

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 26/10/2019 08:25

Mine not got to that age yet. But please spare a thought for us teachers - we have the pleasure of 30 of them all together in one room & trying to get them to do work which mostly they don't want to do. There are so many threads on here moaning about teachers. I say try having your own teenager then add another 29 into the mix.....
Joking apart I do genuinely like teenagers. They're funny & get a bad press imo.

woodlands01 · 26/10/2019 08:37

I am a teacher too - love my job, love the kids. However, very difficult to be that positive, supportive person to other peoples teenagers when yours has gone off to a different school with all sort of issues going on that you really don't think you can influence.
That singularly has been the most difficult part of my life.

BeatriceTheBeast · 26/10/2019 08:39

Teens are evil

No wonder my mum loved that phase. She was a bit evil herself 😈😂. In the best possible way.

Joking apart I do genuinely like teenagers. They're funny & get a bad press imo.

Yes, my mum worked in a school too (school matron) and she absolutely loved teens. She got on best with the ones the teachers struggled with... I think it actually really helped, as they would come to her with things they weren't inclined to tell their perfectly lovely teachers for reasons known only to themselves.

woodlands01 · 26/10/2019 08:41

I think from 13yo (ish) onward you really do reap what you sow and benefit from having balanced firm boundaries with giving them adequate responsibility for their actions, which needs to start very young.
Spoken by someone who has easy teens. Thanks from all of us who are struggling. Another PP mentioned parenting being judged.

M0nsterpumpk1n · 26/10/2019 08:41

I don’t know how secondary teachers do it. Just how do you have the patience and resilience?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/10/2019 08:43

I found the newborn stage easy to be honest. DS was a fairly good sleeper, I recovered fairly quickly after childbirth and I managed to keep on top of the housework easily as he just slept all the time!

6 months+ was when I started to struggle and found the toddler stage difficult. When he started school it got easier again.

He's 6 now and life's plain sailing. I don't know what the teenage years will bring yet though!

Grumpos · 26/10/2019 08:46

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH People who say newborns are the hardest obviously gave their children away at a year old.

My 1 year old is the most gorgeous funny cute little thing but MY GOD he’s also a screaming wreckhead who’ll throw a wobbler at anything and lay on the floor sobbing bc I won’t let climb into the dogs water bowl.
Also have SC who are pre teens. Stuck in this period of wanting to do teenage and adult things but also aren’t capable of actually brushing their teeth and tidying room without close supervision.
It’s exhausting.
My newborn was just a squishy pile of loveliness who didn’t answer back, only cried when he needed something and didn’t move when I put him down to make a cuppa.

CottonSock · 26/10/2019 08:51

I had post natal depression and the first year was hard with both. Esp new born first child, but also having toddler and baby. It won't likely ever get harder to be honest.

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 08:56

New born stage far harder physically. Sick of sleep. Constant nappy changes etc.

Teenage years easier physically as they’re independent but oh so much more worrying!

At least as little babies I had control. Now I’m hurtling towards having no say in her life (as it should be of course) and it’s so worrying & scary Shock

OvalCanvas · 26/10/2019 08:57

I find newborns the most difficult. My youngest is now two and is so much fun in comparison to the screaming , windy baby he once was.

I've got two teens as well as the 2 year old. They're exhausting in their very own ways.

GreySheep · 26/10/2019 08:58

*lack of sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m never sick of it Grin

Crystal87 · 26/10/2019 09:51

The newborn stage was alright for me, but reflux made it extremely hard with my fourth child.
I have an 11 year old and had a few strops and arguments but nothing that gets out of hand. For me, each child brought a different stage of difficulties. I think the hardest thing I've gone through during parenting is the toddler stage for my two DDs, one has SEN and the other one potentially has undiagnosed something, so their behaviour has been hard to manage.

formerbabe · 26/10/2019 09:55

Newborns (providing you have no older children) are so easy to look after imo...they don't back chat, don't make a mess of your house, you can literally just sit on the sofa watching tv and cuddling them.

Toddlers are the most physically exhausting imo.

TeenPlusTwenties · 26/10/2019 09:58

OP. There's a thread on the Teenagers board you may be interested in.

jelly79 · 26/10/2019 10:01

I found the newborn stage lovely and pretty easy. Toddler stage is so much fun but hard work and frustrating.

I remember pre teen with my daughter the tough one. Wanting to grow up quicker than she needed to. But the actual teenage years haven't been an issue

RockinHippy · 26/10/2019 10:01

I think from 13yo (ish) onward you really do reap what you sow and benefit from having balanced firm boundaries with giving them adequate responsibility for their actions, which needs to start very young.

Pahahahaha😂😂😂

There goes the voice of someone who doesn't have a clue, that stuff works well for younger kids,with teens it's just more to kick against or ignore

Beatrice

Thank your mum for me please, it's a lady just like her running the school loos, who made a huge difference to how my DD coped in school. DD could use the substantial school support & counselling network, but just wouldn't be seen to be doing so, so refused. She often ran into the loos to hide her tears after a frustrating or overwhelming day though & the lady like your mum was always there with the kind sensible ear that made a huge difference to her carrying on

tigger001 · 26/10/2019 12:35

I think from 13yo (ish) onward you really do reap what you sow and benefit from having balanced firm boundaries with giving them adequate responsibility for their actions, which needs to start very young.

My Mum said exactly that same, and she had no real problems from us, we respected her and didn't want to upset her, so behaved reasonably well.

I'm just crossing my fingers that me doing the same will produce the same result for my DS (while worrying that it will be so different)

timeforawine · 26/10/2019 12:38

Mines 3 and loved it all so far, dreading teen years though....

JeezyPeeps · 26/10/2019 12:40

Teenage stage was my favourite, by far!

Loved having political debate around Scottish independence and Brexit, taking them to his (music, comedy), and films that we all fitted the target audience.

Basically, no two families are the same. There is no one stage that everyone loves.

RockinHippy · 26/10/2019 12:44

My Mum said exactly that same, and she had no real problems from us, we respected her and didn't want to upset her, so behaved reasonably well.

I'm just crossing my fingers that me doing the same will produce the same result for my DS (while worrying that it will be so different

Exactly the same thing here, but though compared to some, DD is an angel she is way more disrespectful than either I or DH ever was

Wobblywobble321 · 26/10/2019 12:45

I have a toddler and teenager. My toddler is full on but parenting him is a breeze compared to parenting the teenager.

I think it's so hard because it all external stuff that is out of our control. My teen is all hormonal, emotional and going through a breakup so mentally I need to be on top form, saying and doing the right things and listening whenever she needs me. It's so bloody exhausting. My and dh often comment on how we didn't appreciate how much easier it was when we were their whole world and hormones weren't involved.

Wobblywobble321 · 26/10/2019 12:47

Probably should have said, my teen is a bloody angel compared to me at her age. She respects boundaries and is an absolute darling so isn't challenging in that way. It's dealing with the teenage hormones, emotions and dramas that I find hard. She needs so much more mentally that I was prepared for

DonPablo · 26/10/2019 13:26

See, I hated 1-2. Not tiny babies, willful, walking, almost talking terrorists that steal your sleep and your brain.

Teenage? Like the toddler years: jump in with both feet, pick up the odd pile of washing without moaning, and go wherever they're taking you kind of thing.

The main difference is toddlers think you know everything. Teenagers think you know nothing

goldfinchfan · 26/10/2019 13:55

the teen years are hard because
1 they can be very rude, they do know everything
2 you worry about sex and drugs

Adult years are hard because
1 you now have zero control over them and will worry when you can see the problems that they can't
2 If they don't live nearby you will miss them

StormBaby · 27/10/2019 14:19

@musicposy it's been... Interesting. Shock
My eldest is incapable of being an adult. At all. He gets a job. He loses it. He moves out. He comes back. He eats and eats and contributes nothing. He gets a college place, but either flunks or just doesn't start. He's now worked for and been got rid of by every agency in the area. At this point I'm actually thinking his future will consist of benefits for life at best. Park bench at worst. Maybe knocking up his girlfriend so they can get housed? Hmm This IS NOT the way he's been raised. I've worked continuously throughout his life to provide for him, he's seen me work three jobs at once at times! I stopped buying things for him the day he left school in the hope it would inspire him to work. Nope. He just wore shoes with holes in for 3 years. And went without a mobile phone. He has zero shame.

The best bit is he likes to lie to people and about how hard done by he is. I've had grown adult women in their 50s that he's manipulated posting awful things about me on Facebook, how I'm a terrible mother who doesn't deserve my kids, people donating him clothes etc. I'm starting to think he has a personality disorder to be honest.