Aibu that everyone said the newborn was the hard bit?

[MissMarpletheMurderer]

The tough bit of parenting is the no sleep newborn stage. I accepted this it was bloody hard. I still kept a diary and I've just read back my feelings. It was hard, exhausting my marriage took a battering bit at least it was divide and conquer. We were a team.
Teenagers are a whole different ball game, they try to divide and conquer us. I am more exhausted and near to the brink than at any parenting age before. I have signed up to a parenting class but I'm very open with my friends and everyone is saying the same. Aibu to suggest the pre teenage part is the BYAGTG (best you are going to get?)

Ugh. Our ds1 is recently 18. 15 16 and 17 have been horrendous. Never imagined it would be so hard. It totally took me by surprise. I thought I was halfway prepared but I knew nothing. I still have two kids to go through the teenage years yet. It might finish me off.

Oh and I loved 3 and 4, between toddlerhood and school. A lovely age.

nope - I love my teens. Yes they are sometimes challenging but mostly they are fascinating. I love their madness - my son (16) is obsessed with watching Death In Paradise. There's a whole gang of teens in Herts who watch the most vanilla BBC drama ever and discuss on Whatsapp. My daughter is 14 and just fabulous. She's so fierce and a massive eco warrior.I may eat my words in a few years but teenagers give me hope for the future. I'm greedy for time I spend with them. I find them endlessly fascinating, challenging and wonderful. I struggled through babydom and sleepless nights. Teens are a joy.

Teenagers are tossers. Babies are really easy, especially mine who slept through right from the start. They were hideous as early teenagers though. Thankfully, they are really decent again now.

There is no One Model. My DSs, 18 and 20 are lovely, tho 18 still into sulking from time to time.

I knew I'd hate babyhood, and did; toddlerhood was hard but tolerable.

Mid to late primary, a dream. The sunlit uplands of late childhood. Reasonably independent, biddable. But from there, I saw the storm clouds of adolescence massing on the horizon.

But we avoided a direct hit.

We had attitude, some defiance, an odd door slam. But no police visits or 2am Where The Fuck Is He? Moments.

Thank god.

Now a lovely 20 year old at uni (who I am currently trying to support through the loss of his best mate to illness resulting in him leaving uni- DS is devastated but trying to hide it). If it not one thing, it's another.

But it isn't always a drama-packed roller coaster. And I don't think our parenting made much difference, either way. We did our best, and were lucky.

My almost 7yo is just lovely

The almost 5yo is ghastly

2yo is registered disabled, non verbal and all bets are off. But she is also quite lovely.

I think it depends on the child. I've got 5 and I had the easiest pregnancy with dc3, easiest birth with dc 3, easiest newborn stage with dc5, easiest older baby stage with dc3, easiest toddler stage with dc2, easiest primary age with dc1. Can't really compare teenagers yet as only have 1 and a pre-teen but at the moment dc1 is making up for being a nightmare toddler and is now the perfect teenager who is doing well at school, has 9 badges on his school blazer and loves to play the piano. Meanwhile dc2 who was a very angelic toddler is now making up for it by becoming a little "kevin" who accuses me of ruining his life several times a day.

Someone once said, lightly, that whatever stage they're currrently at is the worst, memories fade of worse times.

I'm finding the teenage years interesting. I'm lucky that I have a good relationship (so far!) with them both and they confide in me and we have lots of laughs.

However I'm mentally exhausted. They both need daily 'counselling' and taking through their emotional responses to friendships, academics, romance, ambitions etc. Having to facilitate their social life is almost a full time job (we live fairly rurally).

I'm finding that I'm having to find the more time to be with them after school. They seem to need me more than when they were little in a psychological sense.

I'm exhausted. I'm also 10-15 years older than I was!

I do love them though. Is also agree with a PP in saying that it takes time to understand a teen - understand that they want to fit in, don't lay down the law on an extra hour of screentime or a tidy room. Don't dismiss their feelings or conversation starters.....they lead onto some great stuff.

I'll trade my 2 year old twins with any multiple number of newborns.

Not willing to trade up though....terrified of having to deal with two teenagers at once 😖

I found the New born stage hardest. I just don't do well with lack of sleep!

Loved every day up to the ages of 13.
When they hit year 9, take cover and arm yourself with chocolate. You’re going to need it.
Still waiting to come out the other side.
It’s not that everyday is horrendous, it’s the unpredictability and hormonal rollercoaster, the shitty friend issues and acts of selfishness that drive me insaneeeeeeeeee.
Give me a newborn any day!

I found the newborn stage easy, slept thru pretty early, and you are in full control. Baby/toddler yes super cute, but i am thinking of getting sterilised so i never have to go through the mind numbingness of this stage again. Avoid.

I enjoy 3/4+ when they can hold a vaguely logical conversation and are still innocent.

Now in early primary they are sweet but have their teenage moments. One gets all emo/moody/sensitive and slams doors on me and the other whinges to get her way. Both lazy.

I dont enjoy kiddy stuff like arts and craft, museums, parks or national trust. Sometimes i look forward to them growing up so this thread is interesting to see what its really like! But im sure every child and parent is different so there isnt a universal answer

@M0nsterpumpk1n my local council run it, you don't have to be referred you just sign up, it's 7 weeks, 2 hours each. I start next month.

*Mollycoddle in order to manipulate
-Being too harsh about rules and ‘while you’re living under my roof...’ (2 threads recently on MN with people freaking out about tidy bedrooms)

• having academic standards that are too high
• not loving enough because they demonstrate unpleasant behaviour
• having no sense of humour
• having no interest or even worse, being demeaning of the teenager’s interests
• being disappointed that they are no longer biddable, easily pleased and cute.
• putting their own social life before their teens
• only wanting their teens to follow their choice of career or hobbies
• overlooking how important it is for teenagers to fit in with their peer group.*

God this was my teen years.

Too true op. I'm on number 4 and fed up with it all.
I actually teach therapeutic parenting and always start by saying how important it is to understand that few teens are easy so you need to prioritise what is tackled and what is ignored.
You are doing the right thing in getting armed before hand.
The biggest advice I'd give is to pick your battles but also Dont be afraid to parent no matter how big they get.

It's the narcissism and selfishness I struggle with mostly.
Dd17 is also extremely lazy and disorganised which does impact on the rest of us. Missed busses and deadlines etc. 9 dirty cups in room etc.
However she can be lovely and works hard at college and a part time job. so I cut her some slack.
Between times it can be also frustrating with the self centred yack yack yacking about dramas with friends or belly button peircings, wanting to get a tattoo etc. All usually spoken about just as I'm winding down for the night and have zero head space.

This featured so heavily in the decision to just have 1 child. My brother died from an overdose in his teens, my other brother is so traumatised (still) that he needs pretty much constant care, and has been in and out of MH hospitals for years. I have pretty much floated by, trying to make a life for myself but affected by it every single day; so just in case it's horrific I don't think I could manage more than 1!

@Wearywithteens that was such an insightful post, you could have been describing my mother in my teen years. I was a bright, cheeky teenager who did well at school but the way my mum carried in you’d have thought I was a step away from being packed off to borstal. I hope I have more perspective about my own kids.

I find 6 months - about 2 quite hard. The sleep is still all over the show, you’re back at work, the bugs from childcare kick in, teething, they can’t tell you what they want ... once DS was about 2 it started to feel more manageable. That said DD is 16 months and still quite screechy but just so SO cute.

I hope I like them at every age 😢 - and them me! Awful to think of those darling little things not wanting to hang out with me any more 😭 That said maybe then DH and I can finally spend sometime together...

Personally think infancy is the easiest a child will ever be. The newborn days are exhausting of course but they don’t last very long. You have to remember how easy it actually is to take a baby anywhere compared to when they get older and start whinging at every given opportunity... sigh. Plus once they become mobile that’s it really and when they start to talk, all peace and quiet is gone .

I found the toddler years far more draining than baby stage. Oh the tantrums! And when they learnt to climb over stair gates, I had to have eyes in all directions.

Children aged 0-11 is easy children aged 12-the end of your life is the hard part. When they are babies you know exactly where they are, what they are doing and what they eat and drink, you dont have to deal with the nightmare of them going to senior school clubbing or on holiday to shagaluff, the worry of them going through a abusive relationship or divorce. Parenting little ones is a doddle compared to all of that.

This thread really scares me.
Newborn was hell. Absolute hell. I didnt sleep for more than 40 mins at a time for about 6 months, then another 2 years of no more than a couple of hours in a block. When I finally got more than 4 hrs most nights, I started to feel human.
There is no way I can deal with worse than that - indeed, I think I would walk out and leave them all if it got worse. I have already destroyed my career and self confidence. How much more can family life do to me?

With teens you can sleep, you can negotiate you cqn watch over 12s programmes you can leave them they are independent but still need you.

I think it really depends on the family and child as well as kind of surroundings/community you are in. Im sure its very hard having black teen boys in london for example.

My two are out the other side of it all now. Looking back, I would say that every stage had its benefits and drawbacks, but we were very lucky in that both of ours were quite easy-going and biddable.
What I would say though, is that at least when they're small you know exactly where they are at night and who they're with. That's a challenge when they're teenagers, particularly once they, or worse, their friends, start driving!

It depends on the newborn and depends on the teenager, some are easy some are difficult. It’s the person not the ‘stage’

YADNBU!!

I remember feeling slight.y panicked about how I'd cope when handed a newborn & then found that despite raging colic, allergies, some serious life threatening stuff like pneumonia etc making those early years tougher, I fell into it all & instinctively coped pretty well. By 8, I'm smuggly thinking "I've got this licked"

HA! How wrong I was 😐 & she isn't even that bad in that she works hard & does well with school or college, but somehow she makes me feel like a failure every bloody day & so much worry, not least because her teen rebellion is against all of the stuff we've put in place to support her health problems & then complains she feeling worse, like it's my fault. & don't get me started on the Prom dress. I've literally dressed royalty & some very stroppy sleds in my time, but DD was the worst customer ever by far, never in my life have a had my confidence in my trade shaken so badly as those few weeks. Teens are evil