Aibu that everyone said the newborn was the hard bit?

[MissMarpletheMurderer]

The tough bit of parenting is the no sleep newborn stage. I accepted this it was bloody hard. I still kept a diary and I've just read back my feelings. It was hard, exhausting my marriage took a battering bit at least it was divide and conquer. We were a team.
Teenagers are a whole different ball game, they try to divide and conquer us. I am more exhausted and near to the brink than at any parenting age before. I have signed up to a parenting class but I'm very open with my friends and everyone is saying the same. Aibu to suggest the pre teenage part is the BYAGTG (best you are going to get?)

I agree. Teenage years by far hardest. And we had a dreadful non sleeping baby.
The lack of support doesnt help.
Loads for bsbies and toddlers but nothing now.

Just to reassure scared parents of adorable 4 year olds - teenagers are really hard and expensive, but they are also hilariously funny and keep you up to date with things (music, teenage trends, memes). Mine never knows what to do when I am sad, but she’ll sidle up to me and share a funny you tube clip. Hideous though this stage has been in so many ways, I am honestly going to miss it. It’s also been the stage where I’ve learnt the most about myself and how resourceful I can be.

That's really lovely, blue, and gives me hope!

YANBU in any shape or form. Dont give into them and make shre you lay down boundries now or your poor childs life will be made hell by your neice

I think my top tip would be - keep communicating. Even if it’s only by text messaging!

So, so far I have loved it all (DS is 2). Newborn was tiring at times but amazing and my DS now is just so funny, loving, polite and cheeky.

I'm absolutely dreading him going to school, like a PP said I dread the first time someone upsets him, learning about social behaviours and I just want to keep him in our little bubble now, he has a blast as do I.

And teenage years.......oohhh it gives me nightmares. Hopefully we bring him up to deal with all the shit thrown at him and we are not too strict and he can talk and be honest with us, but who blooming knows !!!!!! I bet everyone else thought the same of thiers.

I know I won't make myself popular but I love parenting teens. Mine are now 16 & 18, have their own interests and we don't see so much of them, but when we do they're really good company.

I think from 13yo (ish) onward you really do reap what you sow and benefit from having balanced firm boundaries with giving them adequate responsibility for their actions, which needs to start very young.

@Blueshadow I shall definitely keep that advice in my head as they grow. It was also my mums advice and what she tried to do with us (quite successfully )

Newborn is relatively easy although more sleep would be nice. Toddler years - sheer hell. Teenage bit - has its moments, but I am so incredibly proud of the amazing people they are becoming I'm actually in awe of them. I only want to kill them very occasionally.

For me, newborn was the absolute easiest. Their needs were simple, food, clean bum, and love. I was also lucky that both mine slept through from 4 months and even before that they’d only wake up once in the night for a feed and go straight back to sleep. It was a breeze.

Toddler stage got more tricky with tantrums and suchlike but they were pretty easily satisfied/soothed.

School is where the problems started. ASD son got bullied. DD (likely also ASD) struggled a bit. Teen years were hard. Not because they were difficult teens but because they started having problems that couldn’t be solved with a hug or a toy!

Adulthood (one is 30, one close to it) has in some ways been the hardest. Ok I don’t need to feed them or do other practical things for them but now they are having real adult problems and often all I can do is offering a listening ear. It’s not things I can “fix” for them. Hence I end up worrying about things I have no control over! For example my DS finds out if he gets his work contract renewed in November (he’s abroad in a place he really wants to stay) and I think I’m more nervous than him! DD is having some issues with depression. It’s quite draining in all honesty.

Wait till you have adult children, interesting is an understatement. However, it's still lovely.

Lovely isn't a word I'd have used to describe the last year with my young adult DD! She was a hard work baby, wild toddler, then suddenly, easy child and lovely, lovely teenager. Nothing prepared me for her becoming an adult, and moving in a boyfriend by stealth (I'm wiser now and it wouldn't happen again!) The ensuing rows over housework, money, privacy, respect, him boasting over driving his car like a maniac with DD in it, them treating the house like a hotel - the stress has been something else. Have finally said that's it, he has to go, so they are both moving out. It'll be relief and sadness all in one go. Nothing I faced in her babyhood or childhood prepared me for the pain of pretty much losing them to some unsuitable bloke who you just know is ultimately going to make them miserable, but there's not a thing you can do.

My teenagers(and one now in their 20s FFS!) , both my own and my stepchildren, are all trying to kill me. They are all awful in their own special ways. The last few years have been horrendous and it just gets worse, and worse, and worse.

StormBaby I relate so much. DD2 is easy at the moment compared to DD1 (has a nice polite friendly boyfriend who does not live with us, for one thing) but even with her away at uni I have a huge amount of emotional support to do - it's not easy. I swear they are trying to kill me off with stress.

I must be so fortunate as I'm.really enjoying my children's teenage years! They're lovely and easy going. How have I got so lucky! Don't get me wrong, there's the odd clash here and there, but nothing like when they were toddlers (they're twins) and I had a newborn to contend with too. Gah that was the worst!

I'll let you know in a couple of months as I'll have not only two teenagers, a ten year old and a (surprise!) newborn! Parenting is hard sometimes hey, hugs x

I'm parenting two adults and an almost teen. The baby years are so easy in comparison but you don't know that at the time. There are lots of positives about parenting adults though 😀

I hate the toddler stage. Boring and repetitive. Newborn was delightful

I like teens.I work with them and mine is mid teens.
It feels like judgement . Everything you have done comes back to haunt you. The too tough, the too lax. And they are themselves now.

It goes quickly though. People are very right about that.

The newborn stage was easier than my 10 month old...

As a gran I say Teens are the worst even DGC !! even when I love them

on more reflection Adult children are the worst because you can have no say in anything they do.

Like marry a man you know is the wromg one (proved in under 2 years) you cannot say I told you so.

You cannot comment on how they bring up their kids either.

I have been so hurt emotionally but it passes my AcCby, she doesn;t notice. I am mum and can take anything apparently only I can't.

So totally NO control and more scope for having to bite my tongue. I love the DGC so much which is a good thing because it really helps. Nothing is more fun than a DGC

The worrying, did I mention the worrying?
No wonder grandparents are grey haired!

Ha ha ha. The terrible twos, the frightful frees.

Then they hit teenager. Boundaries. FwB, mh issues, eating. It's truly brill.

I think the newborn stage is only exhausting if your baby does not sleep. All mine slept very well. Some teens are difficult but others easy. It really depends on the temperament of the child and the relationship you have with child over time. I don't think here is any universally difficult age.

The first 12 weeks of my first, non-sleeping, non-feeding properly newborn was horrendous.

My second was of the eating/sleeping variety and a joy.

But I can imagine the different sort of sleepless nights teenagers/adult children will give me and I’m not looking forward to it!

I have more than 1. Newborn was hard the first time, a breeze the second then a bit hard again for the last after a decade gap.

Now I am OK with my teen and youngest but my second is a preteen hormonal shouting pain that I struggLe to figure out.
So whilst the post exhaustion to around 11 is generally OK. As are teens. There's a year where its very fraught.

My twin newborns were a piece of piss compared to the toddlers they now are. In my limited experience of parenting, it seems to get harder the older they get, so the teenage years will probably reduce me to a gibbering wreck!

Teens can be incredibly difficult IME but also incredibly rewarding. They start becoming the personality they are going to be for life. It's up to us to guide them

OK so in reality it can be a massive pain and you'll have weekly occurrences of wanting to push them out of your moving car.

If they have MH issues then speak to everyone possible to get them support - school, GP, CAMHS, private counsellors if necessary.

Pick your battles. Don't sweat over stuff like "messy room" as long as it's not an active health hazard. Do sweat over basic behaviours like speaking respectfully to others.

Give them responsibility for something in the house. "Hey DS, you are really switched on about household security. It would really help me if you could be responsible for checking all the doors and windows are locked at night, and on the whereabouts of everybodies keys."

Spend time with them 1 on 1 as opposed to with all the kids. I know this can be difficult if you have many DC and work full time. But even an hour a week can make a big difference. It could even be useful if you get them to come do the shopping with you!

Every day, try to find 3 things to praise them for.
"You look really smart today!"
"Thanks for tidying up the sitting room before I got home, it really makes my day easier."
"It sounds like you were a good friend/student/whatever today, I'm proud of you."

Important note - I have never praised innate qualities like "beauty" or "cleverness". It can be divisive to siblings and can cause the child anxiety - what if I have an accident and then I'm not pretty? Always praise the effort that your child has made. Because that's something that they've done, not that they've been.

You mean it gets harder than age 8.... 😱🤣