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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish something could be done about this girl? Constant headlice

74 replies

Ifeelreallybad · 25/10/2019 16:42

Dd's best friend, they are both in year 4, is known for having constant nits. So bad you can actually see them crawling in her hair. I've met the parents briefly before when they came to pick her up from mine but don't really know them. Dd also manages to catch the nits every few weeks or so, even though we tie her hair back for school and tell her not to touch heads with anyone. She does know her friend has nits as she's been bullied for it in the past so I'm glad Dd is there for her friend. She doesn't seem to mind about them, she tries not to touch heads, but they're 8, of course they will end up huddling together or something. School even know she has the nits, they send periodic nit letters telling parents to check their child's hair, but her parents don't seem to be doing anything about them. I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents, I just wish I could help Dd's friend. I'm almost wondering if I should offer my help getting rid of them? I have enough practice doing Dd's and she could come round after school. Or would that be way out of order?

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2019 18:27

@22Giraffes
I'm sorry the school didn't help you.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2019 18:31

If so, if she comes for a sleepover, could you call her parents and say you’ve noticed both girls have nits, and ask if you can treat hers at the same time as treating DD’s?
Unfortunately it wouldn't last long unless you washed her bedding, pillow, towels etc.
OP is there many other issues standing out around this DC.
I hate the usual quick advise of involving SS unless really necessary, this sounds like the DC needs real help, have you considered reporting it.

Andysbestadventure · 25/10/2019 18:32

Sorry but why wouldn't you just speak outright to the girl's parents?

"Your daughter has nits. Constantly. Please do you job and sort it out as it is neglectful and has been an ongoing issue for years".

Who gives a toss if they're offended? They're neglecting their child.

Applesanbananas · 25/10/2019 18:50

Why on earth cant the school speak to the parents??
At our schools the child isnt allowed back until its treated!

NoSquirrels · 25/10/2019 19:04

Unfortunately it wouldn't last long unless you washed her bedding, pillow, towels etc.

They can’t live more than 24 hours off a host. So if you had her fur a sleepover you get past that pretty much.

3luckystars · 25/10/2019 19:08

Yes and keep all brushes and combs in the freezer.

sparkles07 · 25/10/2019 19:15

When my daughter had nits the school rang and said I could pick her up or they would keep her in isolation until treated. Can't believe other schools don't act!

WorldEndingFire · 25/10/2019 20:01

I would be mindful as other posters have said that this may be an indicator for issues of wider neglect or abuse that may not be obvious from the outside. Would definitely have a discreet word with the class teacher about your concerns.

Nicpem1982 · 25/10/2019 20:48

Op I could have written you post but it's my Dn that has them I've treated her in the past but dbil never does the follow up so they keep coming back. Now he denies she has them despite them being visible weve put distance between Dn and dd now as dd was repeatedly getting them despite constant treatment. She's been nit free since we did this it's sad but necessary unfortunately

3luckystars · 25/10/2019 21:00

Fuckers

RandomMess · 25/10/2019 21:11

If a child has constant large adult lice infestation that is visible to the naked eye it is neglect and can make the child ill hence the term feeling "lousy". They feed off your blood,

I would go into the school and tell them if they don't report this NEGLECT you will.

A child with a parent battling with constant re infections will not have a scalp that visibly has lots of adult moving lice one it.

ArthurtheCatsHumanSlave · 26/10/2019 12:06

"Its alot of money to keep forking out"

You can't use this as an excuse. It is just as effective to comb out every couple of days for two or three weeks. This is just time and care needed, not cost.

SarahTancredi · 26/10/2019 12:13

Arthur

You still need conditioner or something to comb out with. Even that costs a fortune here as due to eczema dds shampoo and conditioner costs several pounds a bottle...

And where did I say I didnt treat my kid. I have in fact have shelled out 40 quid on hedrin and replaced conditioner at 8 pound a bottle plus deliever combing the damn things out.

People who don't treat are selfish it would cost them far less to treat once than it does everyone else who has to keep treating re-infestations

BeesKnees4 · 26/10/2019 12:14

@SarahTancredi
You can get the treatment free as a minor ailment at a pharmacy here in Scotland I’m not sure elsewhere

RuffleCrow · 26/10/2019 12:21

My dd had nits like you describe. Honestly i did everything in my power to get rid of them: treating and combing everyone daily daily, washing all our bedcovers and soft furnishings on a high heat afterwards; tieing her hair back so she wouldn't get reinfested. It went on for years! Please don't assume it's neglect or that her mother doesn't care. Some children just seem to be especially beloved by nits.

justilou1 · 26/10/2019 12:23

We had “That Family” at school that didn’t believe in treating them as they were “natural”, and the kids turned out to be also infesting their friends with parasitic worms for the same reason. The Aussie equivalent of SS was called in. The kids had been described as “doughey” - listless, starry, absent, vanant, a bit thick. They were malnourished due to extreme vegan diet, parasitic infestation, lack of nutrients, etc. parents lost custody, which is much harder to achieve here than in UK. Poor little kids. The grandparents were a driving force behind their removal. I hope they ended up with them, and I hope they ended up thriving.

RuffleCrow · 26/10/2019 12:38

This is where i think a bit of direct communication would help: try speaking to her, tell her your dc keeps getting nits and you're trying to keep on top of it and see what she says: she may well have a nit horror story to match mine. She may be feeling just as frustrated as you are. I just think the modern approach of 'judge first, communicate never' is so unneccesarily damaging to relationships. Just because you know this child better than the others in the class and therefore see the top of her head more it doesn't necessarily make her 'the ultimate source'. 30 kids to a class etc.

DobbyLovesSocks · 26/10/2019 12:49

@22Giraffes that's heartbreaking - I'm so sorry.

I had near-on constant headlice when I was senior school - all caused by one person in my class who's parents never treated her. My mum spent a small fortune trying to rid me of them - threatening to shave all my hair off once even though she knew it wasn't my fault. Your idea of saying your DD has them and hope she hasn't passed them on sounds good - alternatively PP suggestion of sleepover and treating them also sounds good. only thing is you need to keep re-checking after initial treatment to kill any eggs that have hatched into lice.
My DS has had them once (so far - touch wood) and after treating him I wash his hair once a week with Alberto balsam mint and tea-tree conditioner.

It is such a shame the school cannot (are you sure about this?) speak to individual parents. I wonder if its because some parents today simply don't know how to deal with them? I see a few threads about worms but would have no clue if DS got them as he at an age now where he toilets himself completely. He no longer wants me to help bath him ( I can manage mummy) .

22Giraffes · 26/10/2019 12:53

@DobbyLovesSocks Thank You, I'm ok now and didn't mean to derail the thread in any way! Just wanted to give a perspective from the poor child's point of view and to thank the op for being so caring

NoraThePessimist · 26/10/2019 12:55

so I know the school can't say anything to the parents

I've never heard of this policy. It's never been the case at any school I've had experience of. In fact, regular head lice checking was the norm I thought?

And Comms to parents if found.

This level of neglect would surely warrant further investigation re social services...

stayathomer · 26/10/2019 13:03

Whatever you do, just to let you know, the persistence of them being there could be just that she's prone to them. My ds (5) has had them SIX times now. First time we treated they were back within weeks, we thought it was the type of treatment. Did it again with a stronger one, back a few months later. Took them to a clinic sure now it was our fault. He went back for a check up two weeks after his second check and they're back. Lady says he's just prone and gives us everything we need to keep them at bay. A few months later, guess what? Sister comes over to do them for us (partially as she doesn't believe we're doing it right, I can tell!) Comes back for the week after thing, says they're gone and a few weeks later, bam! We scrubbed everything, boiled bleached, they just FIND him!!! My other child has gets them twice but other two have never had them, it's crazy (and also sad that my friends now ask me for advice on their kids, I do not want this to be my area of expertise!!!!)

stayathomer · 26/10/2019 13:05

Ps you might want to talk to your school as all schools here talk to the parents

Frouby · 26/10/2019 13:18

Had a similar situation when dd ws that age. Poor dd ended up with really bad eczema on the back of her head from repeatedly treating her. School refused to intervene, said they 'weren't allowed' to. There were 3 dcs in the family, all girls, all with long hair. In the end I said something to the father. Went something like this. 'Hi, not sure if you are aware but your dd has nits. I would say nits again but the poor little bugger has had them since the start of term. You can see them crawling. Please can you treat her, her sisters and yourself. You can get stuff free from boots if you can't afford to buy it. Am sick of treating dd, other parents have told their dcs not to play with yours so they don't get them, that's not fair on your dd. Sort it please. Thanks.'

I was glared at for a week or so, but it did seem to improve the issue a little. I had hinted heavily prior to this conversation to him by showing other school mums more nit lotion I had bought, talking about the hated Friday night nit check, pointed out his daughter scratching 'oh dear, looks like nits is going around again, better get her checked!', reading outloud another nits letter, telling teacher in ear shot dd had nits again and so on.

Every kid gets nits sometimes but a persistent ignored case in 3 dcs is fucking neglect. Put your best teacher voice on, pull up your big girl pants and tell them she has nits and needs treatment and then checking once a week.

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 26/10/2019 13:19

Poor girl. Surely it's the schools responsibility to deal with it not yours?

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