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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish something could be done about this girl? Constant headlice

74 replies

Ifeelreallybad · 25/10/2019 16:42

Dd's best friend, they are both in year 4, is known for having constant nits. So bad you can actually see them crawling in her hair. I've met the parents briefly before when they came to pick her up from mine but don't really know them. Dd also manages to catch the nits every few weeks or so, even though we tie her hair back for school and tell her not to touch heads with anyone. She does know her friend has nits as she's been bullied for it in the past so I'm glad Dd is there for her friend. She doesn't seem to mind about them, she tries not to touch heads, but they're 8, of course they will end up huddling together or something. School even know she has the nits, they send periodic nit letters telling parents to check their child's hair, but her parents don't seem to be doing anything about them. I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents, I just wish I could help Dd's friend. I'm almost wondering if I should offer my help getting rid of them? I have enough practice doing Dd's and she could come round after school. Or would that be way out of order?

OP posts:

MrsJoshNavidi · 25/10/2019 16:44

Whether or not it's out of order, you can't just treat the girl.
If she has persistent lice it's likely the whole family would have them. You'd need to treat bedclothes, clothes, towels etc too.

TheCanyon · 25/10/2019 16:51

I would do her hair. My dd is friends with a girl who has the worst nit infestation i've ever seen, she often wears her hair in pigtails and the eggs form a crust pretty much over the back of her head, its heartbreaking. The school have eventually taken action and they now treat her hair...

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2019 16:51

I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents

That may be the case in your school but it's certainly not in the school I'm a governor at.

The HT has occasionally had to ask parents into her office to tell them headlice have been spotted in their children's hair and she's given advice on how to treat them.

She's also had to get rather tough on one or two 'repeat offenders' whose children are simply not being treated, by pointing out that it is seen as neglect. I don't know if she's 'threatened' them with SS though.

BTW I'm talking about extreme cases of one or two kids constantly crawling, just like the child in your OP.

PrincessScarlett · 25/10/2019 16:54

Surely severe and persistent headlice infestation left untreated could be considered as neglect. At the very least it should be flagging up concerns at the school about concerns for the welfare of a child.

I think it would be inappropriate for you to treat the girl yourself (and could leave you open to allegations yourself) but perhaps you could raise it with the head teacher although I wouldn't mind betting the girl is already on their radar.

endofthelinefinally · 25/10/2019 16:57

Back in the 70s we inspected and sent letters to individual parents. We also provided advice and treatment. It was expected that children would not return to school until they had been treated.
Then it all changed and nobody was allowed to do anything other than send a general letter to all parents.
It is the same with threadworms.
There are always a couple of constantly infested children in each class. It is really sad and it is neglect.

64sNewName · 25/10/2019 16:59

I’d speak to the school - it does seem neglectful. Poor girl. Glad she has a solid friend in your DD.

Pinkypurple35 · 25/10/2019 17:01

It’s very neglectful, I’d raise it with the school before the parents.

NellyTimes · 25/10/2019 17:04

Could you say to the parents that your DD has headlice so you thought you'd let them know so they can check theirs? That way you are bringing it up with them but without an accusing tone.

isitxmasyet · 25/10/2019 17:06

But how do you know they aren’t treating them?
Maybe they do and then your DD passes them back to her.

You seem to be assuming this girl gives them to your Dd when the likelihood is that they pass back and forth surely?

FriedasCarLoad · 25/10/2019 17:08

Do year 4s have sleepovers?

If so, if she comes for a sleepover, could you call her parents and say you’ve noticed both girls have nits, and ask if you can treat hers at the same time as treating DD’s?

By the way, you and your daughter both sound lovely

AllStarBySmashMouth · 25/10/2019 17:09

God this kind of thing infuriates me. Head lice are not something to be left untreated, and it's unfair on everyone else in the class to be forking out on treatment because one child's parents won't get their act together.

I'd raise it with the school and make that very point. It's also unfair for the children to be repeatedly suffering. I have a right phobia of head lice and the twice I got them in secondary school caused me constant panic attacks just knowing they were on my head. It's not okay to ignore it.

Original poster

Ifeelreallybad · 25/10/2019 17:11

@isitxmasyet well I can't be sure obviously but the girls have been friends since year 1, she's had noticable headlice every time I've seen her practically. I'm not saying Dd doesn't give them to her as well if she gets them, but I always treat them as soon as I notice and I check her hair every week. The amount she has (visibly crawling) does kind of indicate that they aren't being treated, or at least not efficiently.

OP posts:

LoyaltyBonus · 25/10/2019 17:12

There's no reason school can't say anything. They can't do much, in that she can't be told to stay away but they can and should speak to the parents. They can't discuss whether they have haven't done that with you of course.

brightonroc · 25/10/2019 17:14

I'd wait til my Dd had nits again and invite the girl over - treat them both and tell the parents sweetly that they both needed doing so you did it.

SummerHouse · 25/10/2019 17:15

Some PP missing that you are suggesting offering help as opposed to squirreling the girl off for secret treatment. I think you absolutely can offer and you sound diplomatic enough to pull it off without causing offense. Good on you OP and your daughter.

user764329056 · 25/10/2019 17:15

Poor girl, she must be suffering, very cruel to leave untreated

edenhills · 25/10/2019 17:19

I would send a text saying 'sorry i just realised my dd has nits, hope she hasn't given them to your daughter when she was round for playdate.' And see what they reply. It might be that they haven't noticed, some kids don't get itchy heads from nits.

FloofenHoofen · 25/10/2019 17:20

That girl will be suffering and her parents are neglecting her, I know this because my dad did the same to me.
Had them for years. Persistent checking and washing as pp has said needs to be done and can guarantee the parents aren't doing this so this needs reporting as it's neglect.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2019 17:20

My dd is friends with a girl who has the worst nit infestation i've ever seen, she often wears her hair in pigtails and the eggs form a crust pretty much over the back of her head, its heartbreaking
Poor kid surely it is neglectful.
OP you can't treat ger gead unfortunately, I'd speak to the school, ask them to speak to her parent's.
In the meantime get a water spray bottle with tea tree oil, also tea tree shampoo and conditioner, I use it weekly the DC haven't ever had nites. Yet.

CalmdownJanet · 25/10/2019 17:21

Of course the school can say it to the parents don't be ridiculous. The school have a duty of care to the nit infested child, kids don't get and remain nit infested constantly unless there is something wrong at home so they are absolutely failing her by not talking to the parents.

They also have a duty of care to all the other kids and they are failing them too by not addressing this.

We had it in our school constantly and while it took a stupid number of ignored notes the school did act after a number of parents went in and said the school had to act as they were absolutely sick of it. They did act, they called the parents in and I believe said the kids wouldn't be allowed in school with lice, not sure if they would have followed through but the threat worked.

22Giraffes · 25/10/2019 17:23

Thank you for being so kind towards this poor girl I was that child who lived with a heavy infestation for many years. I would brush as many out into the sink as I could every morning and I even cut chunks of my hair out. I knew other children whispered about me and I was absolutely mortified. This lasted from primary school and well into secondary school until finally I worked out how to clear them myself. I would have given anything for someone to care like you do.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 25/10/2019 17:23

Do you use tea tree shampoo on your child? Also get an empty spray bottle and mix a few drop of tea tree oil with water. Give your child's head a spritz every morning before going out. Headlice don't like it and it might discourage them from hopping on to your daughter's head.

If you don't know the parent very well talk to the school. I'm sure the teacher has also noticed but it would be worth bringing it up as a concerned parent. Some parents don't care. Some parents can't cope. Report it to an official body and let authorities decide which these parents are.

Span1elsRock · 25/10/2019 17:24

I would report them for neglect. That's bloody cruel. And shame on the school for not doing so.

holidays987 · 25/10/2019 17:27

I'd say something to the parents I think. If the school won't do it. It's really unfair on the child, the whole class and the teachers(!) that the head-lice situation has been going on and on like this.
I'd say you spotted headline in child's hair while she was at your house, you'd love to have her over for tea again next week, the girls have a wonderful time together, but could the head lice be treated first so as not to pass on to the family. Perhaps suggest the treatment that you've used on your DD and know works.

It's really awkward, but it is their neglect that is causing the awkward situation.

CAG12 · 25/10/2019 17:27

If this girl constantly has them and shes spreading them around to others SURELY its a public health concern and the school would be negligant for not doing anything about it?

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