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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish something could be done about this girl? Constant headlice

74 replies

Ifeelreallybad · 25/10/2019 16:42

Dd's best friend, they are both in year 4, is known for having constant nits. So bad you can actually see them crawling in her hair. I've met the parents briefly before when they came to pick her up from mine but don't really know them. Dd also manages to catch the nits every few weeks or so, even though we tie her hair back for school and tell her not to touch heads with anyone. She does know her friend has nits as she's been bullied for it in the past so I'm glad Dd is there for her friend. She doesn't seem to mind about them, she tries not to touch heads, but they're 8, of course they will end up huddling together or something. School even know she has the nits, they send periodic nit letters telling parents to check their child's hair, but her parents don't seem to be doing anything about them. I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents, I just wish I could help Dd's friend. I'm almost wondering if I should offer my help getting rid of them? I have enough practice doing Dd's and she could come round after school. Or would that be way out of order?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 25/10/2019 17:28

Have you spoken to school? I would.

In the meantime I’d arrange a sleepover, “discover” the headline whilst playing hairdressers for the girls, and cheerily text them offering to treat there and then, “might as well now I’m in hairdresser mode 😂” Bet they would say yes.

Then when they pick up offer them “the other half of the bottle, so you can do the second treatment next week - we’ve got another bottle in, always seem to need it” all delivered in a cheery fashion.

I’d also do a bit of talking with the girl herself about how important the second treatment was so she’ll nag her parents to do it.

NoSquirrels · 25/10/2019 17:30

22Giraffes Sad Poor you. Flowers
Horrible.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 25/10/2019 17:33

I wouldn't put nit stuff on her hair without permission from her parents. But I might well invite over and then call the parents and say you've noticed both kids have nits and do they want you to treat their DD at the same time?

If they say no, I would have a hair pamper session with the girls and nit comb her hair as part of that using some leave in conditioner. You can get the good Nitty Gritty combs that strip the eggs and lice from the hair.

Definitely speak to school though, I do think it's neglect if it's ongoing.

isitxmasyet · 25/10/2019 17:39

Could you not then just ring the parents and say the girls seem to be getting bits a lot so you are planning to treat your DD this weekend and maybe if you both treat the kids at same time there is less chance of them coming back?

You can then offer to do her DD too ‘whilst you have all the stuff in’ if she came over for a play date or something?

ArthurtheCatsHumanSlave · 25/10/2019 17:39

I'm shocked there are schools who don't intervene. At our primary if a girl was noticed to have lice crawling, the DC's would quietly tell the teachers, and the teachers would quietly, and without fuss, remove the child to the sick room, and call the parents in to pick them up. They were not allowed back unless treated, and proved free from nits.

Not necessarily neglect as such either. Two regular offenders were from "nice" middle class backgrounds, whose parents were just a bit flaky and inattentive, and always so surprised that their DC had nits Hmm.

TheDarkPassenger · 25/10/2019 17:40

Our school started sending kids home when they had them. Only needed to do it for a few weeks and they got sorted out

57Varieties · 25/10/2019 17:41

I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents

Why not? I’m not disagreeing with you as I don’t know not being a teacher, but why can’t they say anything?

I’d offer to treat her. I know nits are a thing, I know they come back, but to not even be fucking arsed to try and get rid at all is lazy, neglectful parenting

Beveren · 25/10/2019 17:41

I am a teacher so I know the school can't say anything to the parents

Absolutely not true. It could be worth gently asking the teacher what they're doing as this is evidence of neglect.

SalemShadow · 25/10/2019 17:43

God how fucking neglectful to leave your kid with nits. To be that visible they must be there for weeks. That's well out of order. I'd tell them do they know she has tons of nits!!

handbagsatdawn33 · 25/10/2019 17:45

"Nitty Norah" used to be a regular visitor to schools, & she treated infested pupils.
Shame this doesn't seem to happen any more.

slipperywhensparticus · 25/10/2019 17:45

Our old school could directly tell the parents if another parent complained to them they couldn't on observation 🤷‍♀️ it was ridiculous

My friend had social services in for constant headlice took her years to get rid of them because it was an indication of deeper problems

3luckystars · 25/10/2019 17:50

This makes me so angry. I wouldn't let my daughter be friends with her any more.

I would call the school and ask them to send a letter home to all parents explaining that's its no use just putting stuff on the hair and forgetting about it, you have to comb regularly, re treat and keep combing.

Headlice here in this house is a nightmare, we all have long thick thick curly hair and it would be all weekends wasted combing.

If it was me I would speak to her parents and the school and even the public health nurse about it.

SarahTancredi · 25/10/2019 17:50

This is a good example of not being able to hold parents accountable causing problems.

What about the families having to choose between heating the house or forking out for nit treatment all the time because the kid causing the infestation cant be dealt with.

It's not fair on the girl or the rest of the kids.

Even when not having to choose between eating or medical treatment , with 2 adults 2 children and 3 out of the 4 with long hair in my house its 2 bottles a tune to treat us all. Then again another 2 bottles a week later . Best part of 40 quid . Its alot of money to keep forking out.

ThreeLittleDots · 25/10/2019 17:51

Make a direct report (anonymously if you must) to children's social services, because this is neglect and they might also need deeper support with any underlying issues.

Buunylover · 25/10/2019 17:51

A little girl I knew was infested with nits and she had a terrible rash on the nape of her neck where they had bitten her. Her mum so was blasé it was untrue, told her that she couldn't under any circumstances play with my daughter until it was sorted, the poor kid was suffering.

mumwon · 25/10/2019 17:53

use nit comb just before parents come & say you were doing dd hair & hair friend asked you to do hers - & - Oh dear - look what we found! (been there done that - my scalp is now itching)

foxychox · 25/10/2019 17:56

My DD2 had pretty constant nits for a few months, and I was treating (combing through with nitty gritty and conditioner) almost every week. It was just that she was getting re-infested - so it may not be as neglectful as some people think. In the end I went for NitWits and did it right before a half term and that got shot, but it was mortifying every time I thought I had treated and they came back. BTW none of the rest of us had them at this time...

Lindy2 · 25/10/2019 17:57

Untreated headlice is neglect. I would also worry about what else was going on in the household that could be having a negative impact on the children. The headlice is unlikely to be the only form of neglect going on.

It might well be worth asking to speak to the safeguarding lead at the school.

If you know this child well is there anything else that you have seen or heard that has caused you any concern?

ILoveDolly · 25/10/2019 18:02

The vosene spray works quite well as a preventative. I know your pain, our school is hell for nits and reinfestations. My two dd and now my youngest son constantly get nits. We comb every few days, use nit lotion where necessary, I know it's not just us because we have some blissfully nit free weeks during the summer, then back to school where the nits appear again. And, as soon as my oldest went to high school, she hasn't had them again. Plenty of people seem oblivious to the need to comb regularly, tie back long hair or cut it short!

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 25/10/2019 18:10

Are you sure that the school can’t say anything to the parents? Just sounds like a lazy headteacher to me! I’m a teacher too and have never heard of a school not contacting parents if a child has nots.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 25/10/2019 18:11

Nits not nots bloody spellcheck!

ilovetofu · 25/10/2019 18:14

Bloody arsing nits drive me INSANE!! the kids keep getting them. We get rid of them in the holidays then back to school & BAM they have them again! WISH the school would send personalised letters home. The teachers must know who's not being treated ffs 🤷‍♀️😤🤬

ActualHornist · 25/10/2019 18:18

Absolutely nuts that the parents can neglect her to the point she’s bullied about it, but if you treat her without their permission you’re in the wrong!

I’d speak to the school first i think, make it known you think it’s neglectful. If they refused to do anything then report myself.

hazell42 · 25/10/2019 18:22

Love, YOUR child is known for having nits.
Nits is so common in schools, you cant pin it on one kid
My daughter had them regularly for 3 years. As did her friend. They passed them back and forth between them
It was a nightmare
I treated my daughter constantly 10 years on and she still talks about it. I also know that the other mum did the same
Dont assume she is doing nothing. She is probably cursing your kid under her breath.
Suck it up and get combing

Sparrowlegs248 · 25/10/2019 18:25

If so, if she comes for a sleepover, could you call her parents and say you’ve noticed both girls have nits, and ask if you can treat hers at the same time as treating DD’s?

By the way, you and your daughter both sound lovely*

I'd do this.