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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a wedding day worth it?

160 replies

CallieCat19 · 25/10/2019 13:48

Hi,
Posting on here for traffic

Just wondering what people thoughts on their wedding day was really, is it worth the money?

Like most girls I’ve been imagining what my wedding would be like since I was little but now I’m older I’m wondering if it’s worth all the money? I’d feel so guilty spending thousands of pounds on a day when there’s so much more important things the money could go on. But then if I didn’t have a wedding day I think I would feel a bit sad because it’s what I always imagined.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
mencken · 25/10/2019 18:05

do 'most' girls always dream of their wedding day from childhood?

another memo missed...

do what you can afford and want. I haven't been to that many weddings but the only really enjoyable one was where two dear friends got married and there were lots of other friends there. If you don't know many people a wedding is just a day-long bore.

adaline · 25/10/2019 18:07

We spent £500 including our outfits and that was plenty enough!

I don't understand people who spend thousands of pounds on what is essentially a party Confused

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 25/10/2019 18:10

I am not married but I'm not going to lie, every wedding I have ever been to has made me not want to bother.

It just seems like a huge waste of money for what is, quite frankly, quite a long and boring day.

I can't remember anything in particular from anyone's weddings and if I am honest would rather not be invited.

HoldMyLobster · 25/10/2019 18:10

I don't understand people who spend thousands of pounds on what is essentially a party

Just to really baffle you, we spent thousands on DH's 50th too.

Doilooklikeatourist · 25/10/2019 18:12

We had a lovely wedding , and have been married 25 years now , I still think the wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life

Not big and flash , but a lovely ceremony in a local church , flowers by a local florist who we’d known for ages , cake made by a local lady , my dress and the one bridesmaids dress made by a local dressmaker

The church grounds was decorated with flowers from friends in the village , who bought them down in wheelbarrows

About 60 in the church and for a sit down meal , then more for a party later

Worth every penny , and it wasn’t a huge amount

adaline · 25/10/2019 18:13

Well @HoldMyLobster that's your choice and I wouldn't criticise someone for it.

But I think I just find it shocking when someone spends more than my annual salary on one day!

riotlady · 25/10/2019 18:21

I don’t feel like it is, but we’re on limited budgets and would rather save for a house deposit. We’re getting married just the two of us and our DD on a weekend away in Edinburgh

Marellaspirit · 25/10/2019 18:27

Given the type of people me and my DP are, I think when we do get married it will be low key, probably just close family. Whether we do it at home or abroad will determine the budget! My sister had a big wedding, country hotel, 100+ guests and it was a lovely day, but all the bits of decoration they bought for it are still cluttering up the house unused 5 years later which to me seems a massive waste.

The best wedding I've ever been to was my cousin's. She got married in the local registry office with just immediate family, then we extended family all met up at her favourite beach (risky in the North of England even in July!) We all took a picnic, deckchairs, games for the kids and spent the evening together until the sun came down. She wore a dress she already had, picked wildflowers from her garden and made cupcakes for the wedding cake. Simple, but beautiful, and very her.

Leafyhouse · 25/10/2019 18:29

@WhatsInAName19 I totally agree with you, it depends on family size. 16 siblings across two families meant a guest list of 175 at the minimum. We spent £18k back in 2005, (equivalent to £27k now), but we didn't get into debt for it, and already had a property. As for the people suggesting 'putting the money towards paying off your mortgage' - Christ almighty, couldn't imagine anything more dull! When you are lying there on your deathbed, I'm sure you'll look back on those extra mortgage payments with such fondness...

Anyway, one point that hasn't been mentioned is that you're usually on a 'circuit' of weddings with friends / family and so on, and we went to some fairly expensive weddings, one was 3x what we'd paid. At least we could hold our heads up and say we'd thrown a good party. Would have felt a bit guilty throwing a £1,500 wedding and then turning up to a £75k one.

jennylouisaa · 25/10/2019 19:07

We got married abroad with 10 or so close family guests. It cost us around 6k including a ten day holiday, definitely better than 25k for 12 hours!

bridgetreilly · 25/10/2019 19:41

You can have a really lovely day without spending crazy money just to show off. A high street dress (Phase 8 have gorgeous ones), minimal flowers/decorations etc in the church, normal taxis, buffet food etc etc. None of the stuff people get carried away with spending on is worth it, but a nice day with people who want to celebrate with you, definitely is.

ShipShapeandBristolFashion · 25/10/2019 19:47

My SIL will be getting married at 36 (next year) and will have spent 2 years planning for it and it’s going to cost about £10k. They’re in their first little flat and have made it clear they want kids. I think they are crazy to:

  • waste 2 years when they could be trying for a baby
  • throw away money they could spend on their home or use as a buffer if they do become parents.
We eloped and I’m so pleased we didn’t have a big wedding. I get how some people will find that mercenary/depressing, but blowing £10k on a day is, to me, obscene.
TORDEVAN · 25/10/2019 19:50

Honeymoon was worth every penny, wish we'd spent all the money on that

I only spent 5k on my wedding, and with hindsight I'd probably spend less if I was to marry DH again. It was a lovely day, but We went traditional and parts just didn't fit us. E.g. We had a disco, but our families And friends were probably better suited to tea and chatting.

sophiestew · 25/10/2019 19:55

Spent less than £1k on our wedding day and it was absolutely lovely.

I honestly don't understand why people spend many thousands on a party. Dreadful waste of money.

Babybel90 · 25/10/2019 21:01

I mustn’t be like most girls because I never thought about my wedding day until I started planning it, I went in with a very much “that’ll do” attitude and thoroughly enjoyed the whole day from beginning to end, much more than I thought I would.

We invited children and made it as easy as possible for our guests to attend, we picked a venue near a premier inn as quite a few guest had to travel to us, so it didn’t cost too much for them to come.

I think if you try and plan a “perfect” wedding then you’ll be disappointed if it’s not how you imagined.

Cantrememberpassword · 25/10/2019 21:04

Big wedding equals pain and stress and very often is a waste of cash as divorced a year or two later. I never dreamt of a white wedding as I already know that I am a fairy princess and don’t have to pretend for a day.

Confuseddotcotton · 25/10/2019 21:14

I have been to about a dozen weddings and to be honest they all kind of blur into each other. I struggle to recall specific details from each. Of course, when asked by the couple I gush about how wonderful the day was.
In reality most wedding days are too long, especially if distance means staying overnight, food is mediocre and the entertainment standard party fare. It’s lovely seeing the ceremony, catching up with people and having a party, but most weddings are much of a muchness.

BackforGood · 25/10/2019 22:26

Big wedding equals pain and stress and very often is a waste of cash as divorced a year or two later.

Can you provide any back up evidence for that ?

I've never seen anything to suggest any correlation between amount spent on wedding and length of marriage.

I'm not sure what you would class as a 'big' wedding, but mine was a fair size, and didn't cause me any pain nor stress.
I've just been to my niece's wedding, and it was a wonderful, lovely occasion which she and her (now) dh enjoyed immensely. Again, no pain. No stress. Confused

7125r · 25/10/2019 22:29

We spent £450 total (for legal fees, dress and rings) and it was totally 100% worth it. Would have been £650 but parents kindly paid for the lunch afterwards.

Was an amazing day, worth every penny.

MiniPanda · 25/10/2019 22:48

We got married last week and spent a small fortune on it. Yes there were plenty of other things that money could have been spent on, but we had an absolutely perfect day with all our friends and family and have such wonderful memories that we absolutely don't regret the amount we spent, even if it was a lot for just one day.

ConFusion360 · 25/10/2019 22:55

We invited children and made it as easy as possible for our guests to attend, we picked a venue near a premier inn as quite a few guest had to travel to us, so it didn’t cost too much for them to come.

We went one better than that and provided a field for people to camp in. It was a surprisingly popular option. Some guests arrived a couple of days before the ceremony and left a couple of days after it.

Babybel90 · 25/10/2019 23:01

@ConFusion360 I’m not sure my 90 year old granny would’ve liked camping in a field 🤣 but yes, weddings where everyone is welcome and there’s a real feeling of caring that the guests have a good time, rather than wanting to look good on Instagram, are the most enjoyable weddings (in my humble opinion anyway)

SunshineAngel · 25/10/2019 23:02

I won't be having even half as much as most people do.

We will be getting married at the local Register Office, and then having an evening party (speeches, buffets and dancing) to get everyone together and celebrate the day. That will be all. Nothing fancy. We don't want bridesmaids, best man etc. Just us for the ceremony.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 25/10/2019 23:26

Ours was 10k and totally worth it. We were earning good money and it didn't break the bank, and it was exactly what we wanted with everyone there. However we did get about 13k in presents from parents/grandparents, so we actually profited.....

The honeymoon was totally shite though and a complete waste of time!

CherryPavlova · 25/10/2019 23:39

I think it entirely depends on what you see the wedding as meaning. We had a lovely day celebrating our lifelong commitment to each other before friends and family. For us, it’s a sacrament made before God and with vows that we intend to stand by until we die. There is no bigger reason to celebrate in our world.

Our eldest daughter is marrying next year and feels as we did before the wedding. This is it for life. We are helping them plan a very special day that will cost a lot but then we want it marked as something extraordinary, a once in a lifetime occasion. That means family and friends travelling from afar and joining us for the weekend with the wedding ceremony itself being the highlight, rather than the party afterwards.