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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a wedding day worth it?

160 replies

CallieCat19 · 25/10/2019 13:48

Hi,
Posting on here for traffic

Just wondering what people thoughts on their wedding day was really, is it worth the money?

Like most girls I’ve been imagining what my wedding would be like since I was little but now I’m older I’m wondering if it’s worth all the money? I’d feel so guilty spending thousands of pounds on a day when there’s so much more important things the money could go on. But then if I didn’t have a wedding day I think I would feel a bit sad because it’s what I always imagined.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 25/10/2019 14:58

Ours was about £8k, which was the amount we could save without having to get into debt or hugely alter our lifestyle in the time frame.

Ours actually started off quite small but fancy, however a close family member became terminally ill after we had gotten engaged which made us reevaluate who we were inviting.

In the end, we had a medium sized but slightly less fancy day do and an old school great big piss up on the night time which enabled us to invite a lot more people - particularly those who had been really fantastic with our family member or had close friendships with her, but weren't close enough to us for the wedding itself.

I don't regret it for a minute. It would always have been a special day because I was marrying Dh, but it was lovely to be able to celebrate the larger support network of not just us, but our families too xx

NailsNeedDoing · 25/10/2019 15:03

Yes, it was worth it!

Having all your different groups of friends and all your family who you don't see together often because they live in random places, all together in the same place to celebrate is something special. All the things that made us good hosts were worth paying for, the good food, the drinks, the music, the lovely venue with nice accommodation. Things like chair covers, flowers everywhere etc, totally not worth it. No one will remember it, even you!

Sleepyblueocean · 25/10/2019 15:05

We had a big family wedding. I'm glad we had everyone there. Looking back that was bit that mattered most to us.I would possibly do something less traditional now but would still want everyone there.

Areyoufree · 25/10/2019 15:09

My wedding day was amazing - and I hadn't expected it to be. I hadn't even really wanted to get married, to be honest, it has never held much significance for me. We spent very little money - did the catering ourselves, and used a friend's pub. Our church was beautiful though - medieval and in a lovely setting. My dress was (I assume) a Chinese copy of a high-end wedding dress that I bought on eBay for about £100 - it was lovely though. But, the best bit was walking into the church and seeing the faces of all my friends and family - people that I really loved and admired, who were all there because they were genuinely happy for me and my husband. It was one of the best moments of my life. Everything else was a blur, but that was an incredible moment.

Belfield · 25/10/2019 15:10

We went away to Italy, just the two of us, so didn't cost much more than a holiday. However, I never dreamed about a big wedding and would see it as a waste of money. I have several friends who paid a lot for their wedding and they definitely do not regret it. They said it was an amazing day and they have memories for life of their big day. They often ask me if I regret what I did (I don't) such is their view that it was an important day. if you have dreamed about having a big wedding them I think their view might be more important for you.

DawnOfTheDeadleg · 25/10/2019 15:12

I very much enjoyed the piss up, but was young and daft enough to prioritise things like that then. Its difficult when you're older, have DC etc because you understand the value of money so much better with age! I wouldn't change it, but might well do it differently if we were marrying now, iyswim. Although I think we'd always have wanted a big get together for the families.

Alsohuman · 25/10/2019 15:13

We did it on a budget. We had a happy, informal day with all our extended family and friends. Church ceremony followed by a buffet in our house and garden. It cost around £2k 19 years ago, it would probably be about double now. We could have spent five times what we did and it wouldn’t have been any better.

fishonabicycle · 25/10/2019 15:15

It's a massive waste of money.

nononever · 25/10/2019 15:16

My first wedding was ridiculously expensive, only agreed to it as I'm an only daughter and it was all a blur. Second wedding we went to New York, got married at City hall and had a bloody fantastic day followed by a Maldivian blessing (Maldives obviously), best three weeks ever. We did spend a lot on both but it was well worth it and don't regret a penny of it. Wouldn't have dreamt of spending the same on a wedding here.

MintyMabel · 25/10/2019 15:20

We spent on a decent sized wedding. I would do it all again, we could afford it without going in to debt or prioritising it over anything else.

It doesn’t really matter what anyone else does, it is about whether you think you’d rather spend money elsewhere.

Josette77 · 25/10/2019 15:21

I loved our wedding! 11K and totally worth it.

DrPimplePopper · 25/10/2019 15:24

We had a lovely day, but it wasn't very 'us' because our parents got involved and so looking back it was not worth the money and hassle. We didn't get into debt, saved hard, but still it's £££ gone forever. We were on a trip the autumn before the wedding and saw a couple getting ready for their quiet, elopement style wedding - at that point we both wished we eloped, but felt we were too far gone with everything, bookings deposits invites etc, and now both wish we'd listened to our instincts, cancelled and done it just us. Our photos have people in we really don't care about and only invited out if politeness and really we have no idea why they even accepted. It actually enrages me that one of our guests couldn't even be arsed with being polite enough for the group shot and is walking away in the background on her phone! (Also annoyed that our photographer didn't spot it and edit it!)

C0untDucku1a · 25/10/2019 15:25

We had 80 at out wedding and spent a lot. I loved it. It was worth it. I never have parties. If i was doing it again. Id try to be savvier and spent less on similar things. Id have spent less on the photographer fuck me what was i thinking and more on a ring Grin

Merryoldgoat · 25/10/2019 15:25

£10k for us and yes, worth it.

But we already had a lovely flat and no dependents.

We’d budgeted £6k as we could afford that ourselves without any debt etc.

Two family members gave us a completely unexpected contribution of £5k total so we upgraded the reception to served food rather than buffet and paid for all booze.

It was worth it 100% but wouldn’t be worth going into debt for in my opinion.

Loopytiles · 25/10/2019 15:26

It’s not a given that girls/young women dream of a wedding day!

Not worth it IME. Massive waste of money, even more so now that housing costs are so high relative to earnings.

DH and my DM both wanted a big wedding, I still wish I’d stood my ground.

Challenges for us was that DH despised a parent’s partner (for good reasons) and didn’t want a small group as it would piss him and other family members off to have that person there. He would probably have done just the two of us abroad, but that would have upset my DM, who - and her family - had strong ideas that all extended family being there was a must.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 25/10/2019 15:28

Nope. Still married 19 yes later but I wanted a small wedding, religious DH wanted the big day. He would probably say it was worth it. I feel we would still be where we are now if it had cost £10 or £10,000

Carparkticket · 25/10/2019 15:30

What @MarmiteOrGoHome said
Like most girls I’ve been imagining what my wedding would be like since I was little but now I’m older I’m wondering if it’s worth all the money?

Can we please please stop spreading this myth? Unless someone has some adequate research to back it up?

I imagined lots of things for my future, cool job, superpowers, children... not a single image of my wedding.
I got married for less that £300 all in.

Some people might really want to celebrate with a big wedding, great if that makes them happy.

charm8ed · 25/10/2019 15:31

I had a medium sized wedding 24 years ago and that was perfect. The wedding and honeymoon cost £5500. It was a nice registry office with a hotel meal for 40 and then 30 more in the evening for a buffet and disco. I didn’t have a hen do or any bridesmaids.

Bibijayne · 25/10/2019 15:31

We spent £10k. Worth every penny. Best day of our lives.

stucknoue · 25/10/2019 15:32

No it's not worth debt or going without things you need but it's possible to have a great wedding without spending a fortune. There's easy savings and compromises that mean you can still have a memorable day

PlayingGrownUp · 25/10/2019 15:35

I think it depends - mine was everything I swore I’d never have!

I always maintained I’d go quiet and low key but after DH’s parents passed away suddenly and within 6 months of each other he wanted all his family there.

So last year we had it in a hotel which also happens to be his favourite restaurant, even though I’m a complete tom boy I had a full length ball gown with a cathedral length train and even though we are child free we invited all the kids - we even had a Disney princess come for them - it was incredible.

Total cost - £13,377.25 and worth every penny. I mean don’t get me wrong there were things I’d not do now or didn’t work as well in practice but nothing drastic.

Our one regret was that his parents weren’t there - I wish we’d done it years earlier.

Plasticsequins · 25/10/2019 15:49

We got married when we were on holiday with our 2 oldest children in USA. Nobody else was there.
I don't regret it for a minute. It's been 20 years and not once have I wished that I had a big day in UK.

2 of my daughters have decided they want a small ceremony and have no desire to plan a huge wedding.

Eventrider1 · 25/10/2019 15:58

I loved my wedding day and both me and my DH have said we would happily do it all over again if we had the chance.
All in, it cost just under £10k and that included my dress, 2 tailored suits, venue hire, catering for 50 people and a honeymoon in New York in the run up to Christmas.
I did a lot myself, was very careful with my money to make it go further like making my own invites, party favours, seating chart etc and everyone said what a wonderful day it was.

Tensixtysix · 25/10/2019 16:02

Big white weddings are a con. Gives too many men the excuse to put off getting married and too many women and children ending up with no legal protection.
DH and I got married 19 years ago, in a shed, in the woods and had a pub reception. Nothing fancy and it was all done for less than 2K.
We spent more on our honeymoon, a month in the Canadian Rockies :-)

Sparklingbrook · 25/10/2019 16:07

We had a tiny wedding and paid for it all ourselves. I know friends who have taken a loan out for a wedding and that's bonkers, imagine it must be depressing to start married life with a huge debt.

I don't thik huge expensive weddings are worth it. All that money for one day when it could be useful later in life.