Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is a wedding day worth it?

160 replies

CallieCat19 · 25/10/2019 13:48

Hi,
Posting on here for traffic

Just wondering what people thoughts on their wedding day was really, is it worth the money?

Like most girls I’ve been imagining what my wedding would be like since I was little but now I’m older I’m wondering if it’s worth all the money? I’d feel so guilty spending thousands of pounds on a day when there’s so much more important things the money could go on. But then if I didn’t have a wedding day I think I would feel a bit sad because it’s what I always imagined.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/10/2019 17:18

@ConFusion360, sorry if I misunderstood, I guess you were referring to keeping in touch with people?
Five of our 18 are no longer with us Sad but we see the others regularly.

That said if I was to get married now I would have trouble choosing just 18 as our life has really changed since.

ConFusion360 · 25/10/2019 17:19

I would be appalled if my dcs had expensive weddings and certainly wouldn't contribute

But would you if they had cheap weddings?

ConFusion360 · 25/10/2019 17:26

@Sparklingbrook

Sorry, I'm getting confused (!) I thought I'd quoted cptartapp in my post.

I know what you mean about people not being with us any more. I was looking through our wedding pics the other day and, while it did make me smile, it was quite sad in some ways.

Sb20162019 · 25/10/2019 17:27

We were incredibly lucky to have help from my husbands parents and a bit off my mum so I think in total we paid 5k

We absolutely fell in love with the venue, could both imagine getting married there and choose the cheapest date/month
My dress was too expensive new so I got it new unused off ebay and paid alterations to get it taken in 3 sizes but ended up lovely..

The day was definitely worth it to us, much more so as our daughter was there and still talks about it now and loves the photos

In hindsight.. I'd not invite uncles/aunts we aren't close to and not in touch with but that's the common parents inviting on our behalf etc etc
Neither of our families would have been happy had we done it smaller which I'd have still loved but it was a wonderful day

It's not worth borrowing over, or getting in debt and it's the marriage that counts not a wedding day.. but you can have your dream day doing things cheaper or a bit later on when you have more savings

relax2 · 25/10/2019 17:27

@M0nsterpumpk1n we really want to do this we go in a few weeks but I feel like because we're only there Friday -Tuesday it's too rushed 😥

ChanklyBore · 25/10/2019 17:30

I decided not to get married, or have a wedding, and it doesn’t make me feel sad. I still might do it for inheritance tax reasons and it’d be a party celebrating being together however many years, rather than a promise to spend those years. I like it better that way round, and I wouldn’t mind spending a bit later on toward the end of my career and when I have more disposable income.

M0nsterpumpk1n · 25/10/2019 17:32

What time are you getting there Friday? You need the extended license for the UK. If you get yourselves over to City Hall Friday to file the paperwork, having done it online before you go you could then do it Monday and all the paperwork in the afternoon if you got there early Monday morning.

GameSetMatch · 25/10/2019 17:32

Yes, totally worth every penny, still the best day of my life. I was very fortunate though and my parents paid for it, I think most people enjoy their wedding and I don’t know of anybody who regrets a big ceremony but I do know a few who regret not having a big wedding.

M0nsterpumpk1n · 25/10/2019 17:32

Have you been to NYC before?

BrainFart · 25/10/2019 17:33

Having done a very lavish wedding (ex-FIL very well off) and subsequently gotten divorced, I will never advise spending much more than is strictly necessary, and will not contribute excessive amounts for my own children's weddings. I will happily put the equivalent amount into a deposit for a home (which is what I wish we had done now, as it would have saved a lot of the hassle which contributed to the divorce) at a time when they require it.

Bloomburger · 25/10/2019 17:35

No it's not. The only thing that is important is you and your FP saying I do after someone has read out a paragraph. Everything else is just window dressing.

HoldMyLobster · 25/10/2019 17:39

My friends had a big wedding - big enough that I flew back to the UK for it. All our shared friends were there, and it was absolutely wonderful. We all went and stayed at a stately home together. It was probably the last time we've all got together like that.

That was 20 years ago. My friend is now dying of cancer, and I'm thinking how wonderful that weekend was, and how lovely it was to see all of those people together.

I wonder if he's looking back on it and wishing they'd spent less, or if he's quite pleased to have such a lovely memory.

Parttimewasteoftime · 25/10/2019 17:40

No its not we spent a huge amount caused no end of stress and worry. I did not enjoy the day at all invited random family and parents friends through pressure.
I do have some beautiful pictures and we are still together. Having said that I was the only GC my DG saw get married (church so big fuss) she loved it my memories of her on that day are very special now she has passed.
Go for a small ceremony big party lovely extra special honeymoon for you. Oh and don't feed people 😂

BackforGood · 25/10/2019 17:41

As has been said many times, there is no need to spend the ridiculous amounts some people spend.
I had a 'traditional' wedding (Church, then sit down meal for about 80 then more guests to party in evening) and I look back with fond memories 25 years later. I hope my dc do similar, but obviously that is up to them.
Ultimately, it will depend 'where you are in life' with your finances though, and what your future earnings and security look like. So many things to factor in.

ConFusion360 · 25/10/2019 17:45

Oh and don't feed people 😂

What kind of host doesn't provide food (and drink) for their guests? Shock

curlychocs · 25/10/2019 17:47

Registry office and a meal with close family - 16 people altogether. Just what I wanted and no regrets. We had a small pub party a couple of months later for friends and extended family. Never wanted a big wedding. It was perfect for us

WhatsInAName19 · 25/10/2019 17:47

I’m not sure it’s a very useful question tbh. A wedding doesn’t have an intrinsic value. It’s worth what someone feels it’s worth to them. Some might say our wedding was a waste of money, but it wasn’t to us. DH and I still talk about it all the time and how glad we are that we had a big celebration. Also “£20k wedding” tells you nothing. A £20k wedding with 50 guests is a totally different kettle of fish to a £20k wedding with 175 guests. And £20k to a couple with one person on minimum wage, the other a SAHP and with 2 kids between them, is very different to the same £20k for a couple both earning six figures and with no dependents.

DH and I spent over £20k. We did not have a flashy wedding. It was very low key and relaxed. We have enormous families (10 siblings between us, most with partners and children) and only invited family and close friends. That still came to 120 people. We spent absolutely loads on the best band we could find, an ace photographer, awesome food and loads of booze. We had a marquee in a friend’s paddock and decorated it ourselves. It was incredible and we loved every minute. If we’d spent less we would have had to compromise on something that we felt was important, and we thought “sod it, we’re doing this once so let’s do it exactly how we want to”. So glad we did. BUT we would never have jeopardised our ability to buy a home or got ourselves in debt for it, I definitely think that’s unwise.

It’s a bit wanky when people say stuff about “losing sight of why you’re getting married in the first place”. Like it’s impossible to remember what a wedding actually is or whether you love your partner because you’ve been distracted by a nice frock and a knees up 🙄

Yeahnahyeah1 · 25/10/2019 17:49

We spent around £18k and it was honestly worth every single penny. We had the most fantastic day and threw the best party I’ve ever been to Grin everyone had a brilliant time and we loved bringing all our family and friends together.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 25/10/2019 17:50

@WhatsInAName19 your wedding sounds just like mine 🥰

soupmaker · 25/10/2019 17:54

Totally worth it. We were older and had had DD1 by the time we got married. We spent money on food, drink and a 10 piece live band. Everything else was done on a tiny budget of not a lot. No fancy cars, no decorations on tables, no favours, my dress was hand made and cost less than £200, I baked cakes. We basically just threw a massive party for family and friends. Everyone still talks about it. Having the people you love most in the world all in the one place having fun was worth every penny.

Nancydrawn · 25/10/2019 17:54

We had a medium wedding (~160 people) with a generous budget nearly ten years ago, and I've never regretted a penny of it.

We had almost all the people who we cared about most in the world together, and it felt like the most fantastic, warm, generous, open dinner party I could imagine. And then we danced together all night long.

It has made golden memories not just for me but for friends and family (no one's walking around cooing about it, but it gets brought up warmly and fondly a few times a year). My family is dispersed and my friends even more so, and having the chance to have them all together was a dream.

The chance that I got to make my vows in front of them only made it better. We made our own ceremony and it was sweet and sincere and smart and warm and funny and unsappy/ungooey/unwoo-y but full of good ritual, and I'm so glad we got to do it surrounded by people we loved.

Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Daaps · 25/10/2019 17:54

I was bored, but I don’t really Like parties much anyway. I wasn’t one of the little girls who dreamed of a wedding day. I love being married though.
I think dh would say it was worth it but he’s a social butterfly and he had a weight of expectation from his side of the family that I just don’t have.

AthollPlace · 25/10/2019 17:55

I hated my wedding. Couldn’t afford the posh do I wanted and DH wouldn’t agree to elope because his mummy would be disappointed. So we had a shitty cheap wedding and invited loads of people. Haven’t seen most of them since.

QueenofmyPrinces · 25/10/2019 17:55

Absolutely definitely worth it!!

We got married five months after the proposal and it was so so exciting organising everything in such a short time frame. I was happy and excited every day for 5 months straight Grin Grin

We probably spent about £14’000 and it was worth every penny.

dayswithaY · 25/10/2019 17:56

No, it's a silly bit of pageantry that you get sucked into. Spend your money on travel or buying property.

Swipe left for the next trending thread