To chuck her stuff in the bin?

[biggirlknickers]

DD, 11, keeps her bedroom in a complete mess. I have tried incentives - 6 weeks ago I offered a cinema trip if she tidied it up but she still hasn’t done it. She says she doesn’t know where to start and I need to help her but I really don’t see why I should - I manage to single-handedly keep the whole of the rest of the house clean and tidy!

She is just being lazy. She spends all her time watching tv and playing games on her phone (another issue I need to deal with - any suggestions welcomed). She is very loving and fun to be with but is also extremely argumentative when challenged on her habits and I must admit, I actively avoid situations which spark her attitude because I hate confrontation and I’m full of parental guilt (a whole other thread) and blame myself for everything.

I would ignore the bedroom but for two reasons - 1:, the room is very near the front door so is visible to any visitors, and 2:, it is shared with her sister so she has to live with it too which isn’t fair on her.

I have a rare day off today and I’m thinking of going in there with bin bags and literally throwing away everything from the floor.

I also need advice on how to move forward with this - re tidying and screen time.

I feel like a really pathetic parent reading all this back!

I think you should offer to help her !! She is probably completely overwhelmed and needs help. She is only 11 and even as an adult I can occasionally get swamped with too many chores because I have been disorganised!! I had to do the same with my 19 son when he was back from Uni ...he knows now that I will not help next time!!

Agree with blahdyblahblah!!

Don’t throw her things away, that’s such a bitchy move. It’s certainly NOT good parenting, it could even be considered abusive as you’re taking the nuclear option of disposing of her belongings/gifts/clothes whatever instead of finding other ways to help her.

Messy rooms are not abnormal.

Just help her, maybe ask why she doesn't want a nice tidy room? Once it's done, say look how nice it is and you can find your things easy, nice and organised?

Don't throw stuff out, will only make more problems.

Great comments on here, I liked the one which it was done in small bites, first pick up the clothes, then move on to toys etc. I have known 15YOs that dont know where to start, if it has got in a terrible mess. They dont get to play until its all tidy, but at 11YO, guidance and help may still be required, and shows compassion, teamwork, and that work can be enjoyable. You seem like a great parent to me, it's tough sometimes getting a balance, but some empathy in this case will enhance your relationship with your DD.

Maybe she really doesn't know where to start. Sometimes I don't.

Help her get it to a manageable level by doing bits at a time, then leave her to it but tell her what she needs to do in what order. Then see if you can work out a tidying schedule to stop it getting out of hand again.

Excellent post, notodon.