Cleaner I will pay for

[myhandsareverycold]

My partner is extremely comfortable financially. Earns a enormous 6 figure sum for working as a company director around 20 very flexible hours a week. I work 60+ hours a week in a stressful legal role for about a third of his salary. We share a huge house. We have 5 children at home together. I do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. I asked tonight if I paid for a cleaner would that be ok. He said no. How can I persuade him? Two weeks ago he said he would unload the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen. That didn't happen. Please give me another perspective. I just want a cleaner to change the beds and do the ironing. I can cope with the rest. Can't understand why he says no. We had a cleaner before,,,,, give me perspective, good or bad lease

What a mug you are. You do all the cleaning, cooking and childcare? why?
you need to ask him if a cleaner is ok? why?
he is earning a lovely salary, why are you the one struggling?

I promise it's not a wind up. Reading your replies though I can see how it might appear! I was frustrated and at the end of my tether last night so spilled everything out.

I phoned a couple of cleaning agencies today and have booked a collect and drop off ironing service.

To answer various questions. I'm not a lawyer or a Doctor but I have a legal role that's very well paid because I've worked hard to achieve success and recognition. The best part though, I love what I do because it makes a difference to lives, especially vulnerable children.

Five kids - three are mine, two DP's. Early teenage. Mine aren't around much as away at school all week so that's not a consideration that they aren't pulling their weight.

To answer another question. If I worked fewer hours I would earn less than a cleaner would cost. Plus isn't it a lovely luxury to have someone lovely to come in and take care of your house for you. Walk through the front door to be greeted by a clean smell and everything done.

Thanks for all your replies.

It's not a luxury OP when you work so damned hard it's a necessity for YOU.
So glad you are getting yourself some much needed help

Good for you OP

Great update, that's sounds wonderful. Enjoy

To the person who outlined the comparison of own wages to cost of a cleaner, that is exactly how I decided it and several other time saving services are worth it. I even have discretion over my hours so I get paid extra when I work extra.

Op, if he works so much less than you, he should be doing more of the cleaning than you. If he won’t, then he absolutely needs to be the one to pay for help.

He has a choice: either he cleans or a cleaner does (and he pays from his account given how much more he earns than you).

I am glad you've booked this op. However I hope you are not paying for it. Where does it say that all the housework's down to you?!!! Also agree your joint salaries should be family money.

OP, I also hope you’re not paying for the cleaner. Please tell us he’s now on board and is offering to pay for this service, as well as the ironing pick up?

Not quite however he pays for everything else so I have plenty spare. Things have calmed considerably and peace is restored. Next time I want to do something I'm not going to ask (what was I even thinking) I'm just going to do.

Again, thank you to everyone who took time to reply. It's so heartening to know there are people that care enough to type a response and offer valuable advice.

Hope you will get all the support you need and deserve with the housework op, whether from your husband or paid help.

Very simple - you don't clean etc therefore either a cleaner isn't employed or he has a filthy house, no clean clothes and isn't fed....

Well done, OP And quite right, you don't ask - just do. Most you should do is to ask everyone to pick up their things before cleaner day so they've got a clear run...
Onwards and upwards!

But you're still living with someone who isn't pulling his weight...