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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pissed off at teen on our hol?

92 replies

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 24/10/2019 17:01

Bit of background- single parent for 15 years, one ds almost 16. Paid a fricking small fortune for a half-term holiday abroad, 24 hrs all inclusive, every sport under the sun, because ds said this would potentially be
the last hol just the two of us as he's planning to go with friends from herein..
I'm currently writing this from the beach, been here on my own since 10am, he slept til 12, ate, went back to sleep, got up 2pm but stayed by pool and now at footy.
Anyway, I had (unreasonably it turns out) expected him to want to spend at least some time with me. But evidently not many other Brits are on half term and he hasn't really had anyone to hang out with, so he literally spent the first 3 days sulking in the room, watching f*#£&!g Netflix on his phone.
By day 3 I had words, as to me this was ridiculous and he did start to go out of the room and take part in tennis, archery, footie etc but still has no interest whatsoever in spending any time with me. It's all I can do to have him sit and eat a meal with me before he gets up and goes back to the room & facetiming his mates/watching downloaded movies.
So.. AIBU to feel absolutely gutted?
Have I expected too much or is he just being a typical selfish teen?
Is this normal for a nearly 16 year old?
I've been in tears a couple of times this week but two days ago just thought bollocks to it and went off on my own and have enjoyed as much as poss. But I have felt like I've utterly wasted £2k, we may as well have stayed at home & my relationship with my son is feeling none existent right now. Can anyone reassure me this is normal?

OP posts:

BIWitch · 24/10/2019 17:44

Sadly I agree with the others - this is normal teenage behaviour! Let him do his own thing and enjoy your time alone by the pool with a good book and a drink or three

Aprillygirl · 24/10/2019 17:45

Sadly it is quite normal, though you'd think he'd try to make a bit of effort occasionally. Probably thinks he's too cool to hang out with his mum though.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 24/10/2019 17:45

I can’t beleive that everyone seems to thinks that this is ok behaviour?! I’m married with 1 dc (only aged 3) but we all regularly holiday (me, dh and dd) with my family that includes my 16 year old brother (who is very popular in school, very sociable) who would never act like this, neither me (21) nor my sister (20) would of acted like this a few years ago either. It’s completely disrespectful and rude, he doesn’t need to spend every waking minute with you but yes he does need to do some things with you. I think if me or my brother or sister acted like this my parents wouldn’t have taken us on their next holiday, what a waste of money sitting in a hotel room watching Netflix.

Zebraaa · 24/10/2019 17:45

I know a 21 year old who still acts like this! More concerned with phones and friends back home. Waste of money.

itsgettingweird · 24/10/2019 17:49

I don't think you're expecting too much.

The problem is the phones and iPads this day and age. It's breeding a generation of self absorbed and selfish humans.

At his age I managed holidays with parents but because we couldn't be in contact with home with spent the time enjoying the moment.

I'd have hidden the charger or cut off the data by day 2!

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 24/10/2019 17:49

Mines like that now at almost 13. I'm not going to flog a dead horse and told him we won't be having family hols anymore (it's just me and him) and I've said next year I'm going to go away with my friends and I'll also take him and a friend away for a long weekend or something.
I'd focus on pleasing yourself for the remainder of your holiday. If he wants to tag along so be it, if he doesn't that's fine too.

hungryhippie · 24/10/2019 17:49

My 16 year old son is not like this at all! We went on an all inclusive last year and he did everything with us.
Neither we my brother and I come to think of it.

I'm really surprised at people saying it's normal behaviour.

Parky04 · 24/10/2019 17:49

That is exactly why we stopped taking our DC on holiday when they were 14! Going on holiday as a couple again has been bliss!

bert3400 · 24/10/2019 17:50

As a mother of 4 boys, 2DS are adults , 1 DS 17 and another one who is 11, I can see why this is a problem but it's also pretty standard behaviour. You are boring to your son - sorry if that harsh but you are. If I were you I would book an activity that you can do together, paddle boarding, horse riding or something where you can have a good laugh and make a tit of yourselves. You may need to promise this will be the only activity you do together, as the chances are he won't want to do it . But I do this sort of stuff with my boys and it's something we remember for months & years after . It will also show your son you are not boring . Good luck

BigSandyBalls2015 · 24/10/2019 17:51

Normal but still a bit hurtful. I remember taking my DDs to see a friend of mine one Oct half term to a beautiful place, gorgeous accommodation - they were 15/16 at the time and one of them had an enormous strop the night before we went saying she would be missing out on a party and other ‘gatherings’. Friendships are massive to them at that age. She’s now nearly 19 and often comments that she wishes my friend still lived there! So hang in there OP they do improve!

hunterhal · 24/10/2019 17:51

Well, its been an expensive mistake, but I am sorry to say (I think) its fairly normal. If I ever took my DS16 on holiday (unlikely) I don't think it would be an expensive beach holiday. It would cost less than £100 and I could send him home if he got annoying .

Try and enjoy yourself OP.

And (weird it may sound) he might actually remember the holiday as pleasant in years to come, even if it was just the couple of sports he tried and the general place.

BUT I do think its rude and ridiculous all this wifi obsession. They're like drug addicts, with the plug and wifi password their fix. AND its incredibly rude to do this in a restaurant IMHO.

Make sure you enjoy the sun and place OP

IrmaFayLear · 24/10/2019 17:53

Is he ok at dinner, OP? I can understand that the average horrible teen wouldn't want to hang out with his mum all day, but in the evening they generally perk up and can enjoy a meal and a bit of convo.

I think we all have to try really hard to remember what it's like being a teenager. Whatever your parents are like, they are a) extremely embarrassing and b) friends are top priority. Things change in the end!

Pringlesfortea · 24/10/2019 17:54

Oh dear op
I’ve 4 kids .
Your doing absolutely fine the fact he’s actually agreed to go away with you .
They do their own thing by age16..cut him some slack and you will both have a better holiday x

northerngirl2012 · 24/10/2019 18:03

We've DS same age and I have to say he's not the same. Meal times and shared activities he's together and really enjoying being with us and having time together. however, we also made a point of giving him space by himself, with siblings etc and us going off and doing stuff too without them.

I think they like to do stuff but also don't want to miss out on friends or time with you. Hope you all find a happy medium and balance.

Ginfordinner · 24/10/2019 18:03

I'm really surprised at people saying it's normal behaviour.

I think your son is atypical.

I think that half term in most places is next week.

cheesewitheverything · 24/10/2019 18:04

My only tip would be to see if you can find a tv series to watch together. The Sopranos were a big help to us!

littlebillie · 24/10/2019 18:08

Just been out to lunch with DC 15 and he sulked throughout, just glad I didn't go abroad to suffer this. I feel for you...

1forAll74 · 24/10/2019 18:09

My son was pretty much like this at 16.Not holidays problems though,as I was divorced around that time, and he had some holidays abroad with his Dad, travelling around the USA. AT 16,he spent a lot of time with his friends,building computers and going out socialising with them.

He went away to uni later, and loved the life there,.but he was brilliant at writing letters to me, telling me how he was getting on etc. And as much as possible,he came home for some weekends,and always said it was good to be home for a couple of days.

blackteasplease · 24/10/2019 18:12

Fuck! I thought everyone would say yanbu to you OP. Mine aren't that old yet though. Taking note because if they're like this we're going nowhere at 16. Or nowhere expensive anyway!

blackteasplease · 24/10/2019 18:14

Maybe chill out, eat and drink whatever you want and enjoy lying about with a book or whatever you wished you could do when he was a toddler and wouldn't leave you alone!

Asta19 · 24/10/2019 18:14

I personally have found with my DC that it’s always worked well to actually ask them what kind of holiday they would like, what places they’re interested in visiting etc. Ok with some teens you may still get a “dunno” answer but AI/beach type holidays are dull. Fine for stressed out adults who need the break but they aren’t hugely interesting or exciting I think. Teens, like adults, are all different. Some may love it but others will be a bit meh about it. 2k could have taken you almost anywhere in the world. I do feel for you because your intentions were good and he should at least appreciate that. It’s horrible when you try to do something nice for your DC and get a crappy response back.

JudgeRindersMinder · 24/10/2019 18:14

We had a similar experience with ds 2 years ago when he was 15. Last year dh and I holidayed separately with friends, amd this year dh and I left him at home-we were all happier.

Totally typical at this age,especially boys I think, and totally soul destroying for us, the ones paying for it!

CarolDanvers · 24/10/2019 18:19

I don't think it's acceptable and I don't think it should be excused as "that's just teenagers". My 16 year would be like this if I let him but I don't. We went on the holiday of a life time at the end of August and what he mainly wanted to do was go and chill by himself in the room. About 60-70% of the time I said nothing and just said "ok, see you later" at other times I said "no, can you come for a walk/drink/snack/play basketball/miniature golf etc with me? I never see you at home because of all our other commitments so come on mate, come and do something with your old Mum, you can disappear in an hour or so" but he never did and we had a great time and had some good laughs together. It was lovely.

PlasticPatty · 24/10/2019 18:20

I went on my last holiday with parents at 15. I spent two weeks in my room. They'd taken the family to Ibiza (which I despised, there was sod all to do, I wasn't allowed out alone and they intended to roast slowly by the pool for a fortnight), where the heat was extreme (so I went purple and had to lie down all the time - they took this as a personal insult to the family) and I was blamed for 'spoiling everyone's holiday'. They let me stay home alone after that.

Sorry, OP, you're old hat. Who needs a mum? Well, he will, odd times in the future. But generally, no. Those days are gone. Plan for yourself, now. If he wants to tag along, that's up to him.

butteredbarmbrack · 24/10/2019 18:24

I'd agree it's pretty standard behaviour, but that said given that he was keen to have the holiday, I would probably put my foot down a bit.

Absolutely fine if he wants time in the room facetiming etc, but could you say that you expect that he at least have dinner with you for an hour in the evening without phones, and you do an outing or activity together every other day? Then plan some nice things for yourself around that too, be it just a swim or sunbathing, whatever you want to do. That way you each get your own time but you make sure you are also getting time together and enjoying the holiday location.

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