To wonder why boys

[HereBeFuckery]

Are so unbelievably noisy? I'm at a soft play, and it's loud, as you'd expect, it's half term and it's pissing rain, so busy.

There are four or five boys aged I'd guess between 7 and 12, and they are so so so loud, I can hear each of them individually, and distinctly, over the general racket. I have nicknames for them: Rapper Jeans, Nearly-At-Bumfluff-Stage, Stripy Top, Sweaty in that Football Strip, and the possible fifth although he may just be a hanger on, Future Marine (buzz cut, looks mean). Stripy Top isn't inspiring me to a better name.

I have my headphones in and music at max volume, and I can hear every howl.

I'm the first to jump on 'don't pigeonhole kids' behaviour by sex or gender' but this is so noticeable. It's a kind of mid-register howl or rage-scream. Is it hormones? It makes me jump every time it happens. The girls shrieks (which are plentiful and loud), are drowned by these boys.

I've noticed it a lot this half term - at a party, at the park, at a different soft play, but this is the most pronounced it's been. I'm forever telling DD to keep her volume appropriate to the situation, and I've not seen any of the boys making this weird primal noise/shout told to keep it down. Is it just the old 'girls must be quiet while boys take over the world'? Should I encourage DD to howl along like an adolescent gorilla?

DH is noisy in a way I can't fathom - like he has no idea how to moderate his volume, he stamps and makes noise without meaning to, but this is something different.

To be clear, it's not the volume exactly, or I'd be happy to be called a pearl clutchy idiot for being here. It's the noise itself. Like an intimidation tactic or something, like a predator would use to scare prey. It's so weird. And it's giving me a fucking headache.

OP, clearly you were hoping for a load of mums of nice, quiet girls (or girls who, when they are loud, are nice loud) to come on and tell you how right you are about those beastly, grunting, simian boys. Hasn't quite gone how you want and you and your daughter are victims of male oppression (and oppression from mothers of males), complete with Handmaid's Tale references.

I do think there is, on a population level, probably a (deplorable) tendency for girls' noise to be shushed and stamped on more than is boys'.

But I suspect what is at work here is the phenomenon of picking up on what we're unfamiliar with (as a PP said). I have pre-teen and teen sons (neither of whom make primal grunts, FWIW) and a pre-school daughter, whose birthday party we hosted last week. She's lively but small, slight and - not quiet, exactly, but can't make much volume yet. Her party guests (all girls), on average 6 months older and a head and half taller, were forces of nature. They mobbed my startled sons, hurtled around like anything and, my goodness, the screaming.

Ah well wait until she’s a teen. I find I’m lucky to get a grunt out of my boys and teenage girls on mass in town seem prone to over dramatic shrieking that invades my peaceful shopping time. Maybe I should start a thread......

@Shagged that's not what I am. I do not have a 'compliant' DD. She's noisy and prefers rough and tumble to anything else. Are you, in fact, doing what half the thread has done, and picturing me with a tiny slight angel who's terrified of loud noises and prefers to craft quietly in a spotless dress? Well, then, you've missed the mark AND proved my point.
DD is a total tomboy, will not wear skirts or dresses, prefers to climb or wrestle and will be as loud as she is allowed to be.

I was the one bothered by the noises. She was bemused but largely unphased.

Just because I don't HAVE a boy:

• doesn't mean I can't hear boys
• doesn't mean I can't have an opinion about boys
• doesn't mean I'm wrong

You were in soft play. Parents pay so their kids can shriek and do whatever they like bar hurt other children. My dd used to make as much noise as her brothers in appropriate places.

Don’t go if you don’t like it.

@CatteStreet

"OP, clearly you were hoping for a load of mums of nice, quiet girls (or girls who, when they are loud, are nice loud) to come on and tell you how right you are about those beastly, grunting, simian boys."

Nope.
I don't particularly hope for anything at soft play.
DD prefers to play with boys so I certainly wasnt hoping for there to be mainly girls there.
What I was hoping was that the boys would be able to refrain from making aggressive and horrible noises. You know, as you'd expect children who've been brought up to have some awareness of their surroundings and their effect on others to be.

But yes, the noises were simian. Thanks for the right adjective.

Back to my question again: WHY DO BOYS MAKE THAT SIMIAN GRUNTING ROAR?
(Not: I want to whinge about boys in general).

Now it's in caps, perhaps it will be easier to read?

You've not met my DD. She's the loudest person ever.

Might start another thread ..... Are smug mums of girls really a thing?

So what actually is your point OP

I'm confused

my boys never did, dd on the other hand......

I was the stereotypical quiet little girl as a child, I used to sit nicely reading or drawing and playing with dolls.

My DS is way more active than me. He is noisy but I do tell him to quiet down if the situation requires it. At soft play though? Nah, he can run riot there, I'm not following him around telling him to shush. He's gentle with other children and well behaved, just has a loud voice!

I've noticed that a young male family member who is same age as DD2 (10) appears to have to fill any silence or quiet moments with noise. Or even if someone else is talking and he isn't involved in the conversation, he starts to make gradually louder sounds in the background, like repeated phrases or computer game noises. I think this could be resolved by his mum telling him to shut up once in a while, but she rarely ever does, and the level of noise causes a misophonic reaction in me. I do think boys are generally allowed to get away with being more noisy than girls.

Why else would anybody voluntarily pay £££££ to sit there with shit coffee at a plastic table in what can only be described as an aircraft hanger for an hour if not to let their dc shriek as much as they feel necessary.

Good luck crawling through tunnels shushing.😂

Back to my question again: WHY DO BOYS MAKE THAT SIMIAN GRUNTING ROAR?

I have an 11 he old DS, he has lots of male friends who regularly hang out round ours and I can honestly say I've no idea what you're talking about. I've never heard this grunting roar you speak of.

@Br3athd33p1y spot on!

Can't get the image of a frazzled Mum crawling commando through a tunnel trying to shush her noisy boys... like a scene from the brilliant Motherland

OP the difficulty is you seem to be saying that all boys make this simian noise (rather than this just specific group you encountered) and no one else seems to be identifying with you that this is a particular thing.

Shagged 😂

As in their voices bellow? Or a specific noise, like a tennis player grunt? From my brownie leadership there is a hint of deafening chimpanzee screech about the girls. I think the poster above who says you tune out what you are used to might have it. The boys, thinking on it, probably do use less words so a if pretending to be a car they probably run along making a car sound wheras a girl might do a running commentary.

People take 12 year olds to soft play?

At ours it’s the girls that are noisy, the screeching could make windows smash. It hurts my ears.

I think maybe your nicknames for the kids, weren't as funny as you thought they were.

Soft play is often up to the ages of 12. Same as playgrounds. Please tell me why it’s ok to judge that children should not be playing when they children? Isn’t that what children do?

OP - your post seemed to start out as a 'I have a DD, I just don't understand boys' thread so I don't get why you are bemused by some of the reactions that you have got. Were you looking for confirmation bias?

Boys can be noisy and so can girls. In fact, I love it when girls are noisy because I can't stand the whole 'girls are quiet and sit with their mothers' nonsense.

If they're 12, they won't have many more years of childhood left...I think it's lovely they're playing and being loud rather than sitting in front of a screen. Yes, soft play is hell on earth...no adult would voluntarily go there. I remember my dc being surprised when they realised I only go there with them...bless them, they thought I would go there for coffee when they were at school!

To all those who says boys don't get shushed down, mine do! And they are v loud

To clear up your misunderstanding, OP, I've edited the bit of my post you quoted:

'OP, clearly you were hoping for a load of mums of nice, quiet girls (or girls who, when they are loud, are nice loud) to come on [this thread] and tell you how right you are about those beastly, grunting, simian boys.'

I was going to come on here and say the opposite - when small girls scream, my oh my it's loud!

Do you have girls? I have bots and don't notice boys' noise but I do notice girls noise more. Maybe you are conditioned.