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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make myself 1 year younger on online dating

73 replies

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 15:31

Ok so I've started online dating again (ugh, here we go again xD) and set my age to 29 instead of 30. Reason being, I feel a lot of people set their cut off at 29.

(I noticed it before when I joined earlier in the year just for a quick look around - that I was getting like a third of the messages that I had got at 29. With the same pics).

I think this might be because guys assume women in their 30s might not want the same things as woman in their 20s.

I don't want children and am not in any rush for marriage so to widen the pool I thought I'd make myself year younger.

I think it's OK provided I mention it on the first date that I am actually 30 right? (Could even just say it was a slip of the hand selecting ages. But tbh I'd probably just tell it like it is). I think if a guy did the same, I would be OK with that too. It's just a year.

But I also don't know if it maybe sets a bad precedent that its OK to lie...?

What does everyone think?
Would it bother you if a date had done this?

OP posts:

StudentHelp · 24/10/2019 15:35

I’m not sure I’d do it

antisupermum · 24/10/2019 15:35

Its not a massive difference in age, but still I think it's a pointless thing to do. If they have set an age limit for 29 and below, then you are basically duping them into chatting/potentially dating you, as you are not the age group they are looking for. Why would you want to waste your own time messaging people who potentially would cut you off if they found out the truth?

I think if you can't be honest at this anonymous stage of the dating game, then you have a long road ahead of you. Own who you are, be proud of who you are and maintain the mantra in your mind that they would be lucky to have you. Settle for nothing less.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 24/10/2019 15:38

It’s a lie, however you dress it up. Starting on a lie says a lot about you really.....

amylou8 · 24/10/2019 15:38

I would. If you were 35 saying you were 29 that's different, but it's only a year which is nothing.

SVRT19674 · 24/10/2019 15:38

A friend of mine has done this in real life. Daft thing to do. Especially as I wouldn't lie and it showed her up. She'd say she was 27 and then the guys would ask me i'd say 33. And they'd say hang on a minute, your friend lied didn't she? Obviously.

Original poster

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 15:43

Yeah that's a fair point antisupermum. That being said I think if they would ditch you after meeting you and getting along with you on the basis of that one year basis, then meh!

My age range is set 25-35 but if I met someone who was 36 and he had said 35 but told me the truth on date one and we really got on, I think I'd be glad he'd done that. Because otherwise I wouldn't have met him.

I suppose it might put me on my guard a bit though, incase a white lie was just the beginning...

OP posts:

Honeybee85 · 24/10/2019 15:44

I wouldn’t do it.
It’s a lie and being dishonest about your age, even if it’s just a 1 year difference doesn’t go down well with most people. I would be wondering about what else you hadn’t been truthful about

SleepingSoul · 24/10/2019 15:48

I wouldn't do it. Why start a potential relationship on a lie. If you're not what someone is looking for why try and make yourself what they're after. I'd rather focus my energy on people who want me for me. I did a stint OLD and found people who'd twisted info about themselves to make themselves more broadly attractive very frustrating.

JumpyLiz · 24/10/2019 15:51

I wouldn’t. Doesn’t show you in your best light, and if it happened to me (even if they told me on the first date) it would be an instant put off.

Baguetteaboutit · 24/10/2019 15:51

But, surely excluding all those men who consider themselves to be too young and or juvenile for you and all those men who have odd notions about women who are not in their twenties. I'd say that would be a win for you all round.

Isadora2007 · 24/10/2019 15:54

Could you tell a white lie and say you set your profile up when you were 29? I get that the age range thing Is relevant. Or can you sneakily put into your info that you’re actually 30? But keep the 29 range for selection purposes?

ScruffGin · 24/10/2019 15:57

I'd do it, you can always have set up the profile when you were 29!

raspberryk · 24/10/2019 15:58

I wouldn't, what if someone lovely puts in their age range 30 - 40 and misses you because you have lied.
Plus any lie even a minor one for me on OLD and I never saw them again!

antisupermum · 24/10/2019 15:58

@isadora2007 OLD tends to ask for a date of birth, so automatically updates when you have a birthday. If someone pulled the "Aw I created it when I was 29" line to me I would automatically assume they were piling lies on top of lies. It's just not worth the hassle

"If you tell the truth, you don't need to have a good memory"

Flicketyflack · 24/10/2019 15:58

Just say how old you are

A lie is a lie

Don't overthink it!

LeftoverPizza · 24/10/2019 16:01

I wouldn’t do it

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 24/10/2019 16:04

My now DH pretended to be an inch taller on his profile - so we're the same height (I would have probably not bothered to talk to him had I known this)

I said I lived like 15 miles away from where I really did (I didn't want my identity to be exposed) which meant that he had to drive quite an extra distance to meet me (I'm not sure he would have bothered to talk to me had he known this)

... we now have a good laugh about both things.

I say - do it! But don't leave it too long until you own up!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 16:04

You could set your clock to 29 so you come up in searches, then put a disclaimer right at the bottom of your blurb: PS if you’ve read this far, I’m hoping you will start to believe age is just a number. I’m actually 30.

Original poster

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 16:04

Nah I wouldn't say it was an old profile. Like pp said they update your age as time goes on. I could put 'actually 30' in the description part though. That way I will still show up in peoples search but will have my right age listed from the start. Best of both world's I guess.

OP posts:

GinNotGym19 · 24/10/2019 16:07

I really wouldn’t do this!
It’s not great starting off on a lie.
I’ve seen men’s profiles with a fake age then the real one written in the bio, I immediately thought “weirdo! Who does that” and didn’t even look any further.
The people that don’t want to date 30 year olds are the ones missing out and not for you!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 16:09

It’s true that quite a few people would think weirdo, though. You might be putting off nice blokes who don’t care if your age number begins with a 2 or a 3.

Whattodoabout · 24/10/2019 16:09

No, it’s silly. If you meet a guy who you really like and it develops into something more, how are you going to explain the lie? I’m sure they wouldn’t be pleased even though it’s only a year difference, it’s just the lie that matters. People don’t appreciate liars.

Whattodoabout · 24/10/2019 16:10

Also not sure why you would want someone shallow and immature enough to be put off by your real age.

Mrskeats · 24/10/2019 16:14

Just don’t
Ridiculous

Original poster

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 16:16

Whattodoabout, the search engine let's you choose your age search range so its not that they are 'put off' it's that they don't see you in the first place. I think searching 20-29 and 30-39 is quite common if you are in the middle of those ranges so it doesn't make them picky or weirdos.

And as I said, I would be telling them on date one so its not gonna be like three month in 'what do you mean you've been lying to me!?' Lol.

OP posts:

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