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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make myself 1 year younger on online dating

73 replies

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 15:31

Ok so I've started online dating again (ugh, here we go again xD) and set my age to 29 instead of 30. Reason being, I feel a lot of people set their cut off at 29.

(I noticed it before when I joined earlier in the year just for a quick look around - that I was getting like a third of the messages that I had got at 29. With the same pics).

I think this might be because guys assume women in their 30s might not want the same things as woman in their 20s.

I don't want children and am not in any rush for marriage so to widen the pool I thought I'd make myself year younger.

I think it's OK provided I mention it on the first date that I am actually 30 right? (Could even just say it was a slip of the hand selecting ages. But tbh I'd probably just tell it like it is). I think if a guy did the same, I would be OK with that too. It's just a year.

But I also don't know if it maybe sets a bad precedent that its OK to lie...?

What does everyone think?
Would it bother you if a date had done this?

OP posts:

Mellowsedge · 24/10/2019 23:48

Agreed, you and most girls your age probably don't think long term future however some don't seem to mind. Initially I say I'm 10 years younger so one year isn't a big deal and at some point tell them my real age. Because we work in decimal, 30 seems a lot older than 29 but it's only a year so who cares. Guys your age are clueless when it comes to relationships whereas older guys should know how to attract, date then have a fun fulfilling relationship from experience and because they are better versions of their younger selves. Men generally like youth and beauty, women generally like confidence, assertiveness, ambitious, secure, kind, supportive, reliable, attractive, compatibility, fun, intelligent, socially intelligent guys.

Cleverplayonwords · 24/10/2019 23:51

Guys my age? Im a married woman in my 30s.

yetanothernameforMN · 24/10/2019 23:52

My search range is 25-29 as it's rare to find a hot 30+ year old as women tend to age badly in England. I think it's the fast food, drinking, tanning, party, work hard play hard lifestyle in their early to mid 20s that hugely effect them in later years. The perfect age is 26. If you can get away with 28 so much the better. I'm 46 and turned down girls just because they don't look young which is what guys want deep down

PMSL.

Pinkbonbon, this is a perfect example of why you need to put 30. You Won't have to deal with these wankers.

Northernsoullover · 24/10/2019 23:59

I lied about my name. I put my middle name so I wouldn't get found on Facebook. I forgot I'd done this so when my date turned up asking for Louise I said no sorry..
I realised pretty much straight away and had to say er actually..
He saw the funny side.

BilboBercow · 25/10/2019 00:02

Do you actually want to be with a man who's not interested if you're 30?

Also men who lie about their age on old really piss me off. It's like they automatically think they're entitled to someone younger

PumpkinP · 25/10/2019 00:09

Well this is an interesting thread. As there was a thread on relationships where a woman had found out a man she was dating was considerably older than what he said (think about 6 years) and the consensus was that she was being unreasonable and that it was “only 6 years” and everyone online lies apparently

Mellowsedge · 25/10/2019 00:16

I have 2 friends around my age and we all date girls in the 20s to early 30s range, believe me, we do. Most guys fail at something like approach anxiety, don't know how to tease or flirt, or text, or date, get a number, decide where to go, maintain and lead a relationship, the whole shebang. So they get what they can get. We don't have such issues, we chat to the next girl until we find a connection.

TheGodmother · 25/10/2019 00:34

Everybody on OLD does it!! I don't even bother mentioning it unless we have a second date. Then I'll tell them my correct age.

Nobody has ever given a shit! I've taken 4 years off to be below a big 0 birthday.

TheGodmother · 25/10/2019 00:39

@Mellowsedge I am very surprised you get girls in their 20s who want to date you at your age. Being a girl that used to be in her 20s a much older man was something that never appealed.

But hey, ya learn something new everyday.

Mellowsedge · 25/10/2019 01:32

Pinkbonbon, this is a perfect example of why you need to put 30. You Won't have to deal with these wankers.

Please explain exactly what you mean by that as my post was based on fact and observation. I don't mean to be offensive but thats the reality from my point of view. Girls and guys physically become less attractive as we age. Men, no matter how old they are will naturally be most physically attracted to girls around 18-22. It's in our DNA built from our ancestors. A lot of guys like 30+ girls maybe because they are better versions and better in bed

Meshy23 · 25/10/2019 01:36

It is a lie... I don’t condone lies but I can see why you would want to do it as you could be missing out on some good opportunities.

can you put it as 29 and simply tell your date that you have since turned 30 but not updated your profile? I’m not sure whether that would work

Buddytheelf85 · 25/10/2019 03:29

I’d put the correct age. As others say, you’ll only really be missing out on the men who’ve got funny ideas about dating women over 30.

Buddytheelf85 · 25/10/2019 05:03

Please explain exactly what you mean by that as my post was based on fact and observation. I don't mean to be offensive but thats the reality from my point of view.

The poster you are responding to is saying that if the OP sets her age truthfully, she will filter out men like you, which is a good thing.

Men like you who are, apparently, happily dating hot women twenty years younger than themselves, but also have the time and inclination to post comments on Mumsnet in the middle of the night

ColaFreezePop · 25/10/2019 06:44

OP I would put your age older to avoid older guys who specifically want to date much younger women. Younger guys will date women a few years older than them.

While my partner is only a few months younger I have lots of family and friends where the female partner in straight relationships is on average 2-5 years older. And yes a lot met on OLD.

BillywilliamV · 25/10/2019 06:50

I would OP, if you meet someone nice they’ll laugh when you tell them after a couple of dates.

I met DH through an old fashioned agency,I took 2 inches off my height on the form.

EmmiJay · 25/10/2019 06:56

Just put your real age I'd say. Wouldn't you want to weed out the time wasters?? Lol I had my real age on one and I think because I have the face of a 30yr old toddler I was still getting msgs from men who were 24 and upwards! Bleh. Deleted the app in the end.

charm8ed · 25/10/2019 09:31

What Mellowsedge said is only what many men want and think, it’s not exactly a secret that men are attracted to women aged between about 18 and 24, you only have to look at porn to see evidence of this. If men actually have much luck with the younger women is another thing.

TheGodmother · 25/10/2019 09:41

@Buddytheelf85 I suspect these young women dating men double their age will not be "hot".

Vulnerable and needy maybe, but def not hot.

On OLD you get LOADS of young men wanting a bit of Mrs Robertson. The thought turns my stomach.

They'd be inexperienced and shit in bed, and what the fuck would you talk about.

Although most men in their 40s seem to go to seed. So I'm stuck with not fancying men my age with their middle aged spread and their moaning!

Hence why I've been single 3 years hahah

Justluck · 01/02/2020 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fairynick · 01/02/2020 11:55

It’s only a white lie and I think your reasoning is fair. When you sign up do you put a date of birth in or just click on an age? If you just choose your age I’d just say that I hadn’t updated it since my birthday.

99victoria · 01/02/2020 12:00

I did it! I was 48 when I started online dating and I said I was 44 so I could get into the under 45 age bracket rather than the under 50 (which I thought felt much older). I met my now-husband a couple of weeks before my 49th birthday and the subject of age simply never came up (he was a couple of years older than me) until we'd been together about 9 months and I started to talk about planning something for my 50th! He thought it was funny. He actually proposed to me on the eve of my 50th birthday and we've now been together for nearly 9 years.

As it turned out I don't think it would have mattered to him as he was with an older woman before me but it's still a source of laughter at family get togethers when my children tease him about the fact that I aged 5 years in the first year of our relationship

MRex · 01/02/2020 12:02

You're not really approaching online dating the right way. Passively sitting around waiting to be found while changing your own details to try to seem more attractive won't find you the man you can live with forever, who can see you in whatever state and like you, who you have enough common interests with to find endlessly interesting.

You should search for anybody you might be interested in; if 36 is actually ok for you then search 25-37 or whatever your real cut-off is, nobody has to set a magic number of 10 years age range. Then you contact men you're interested in, with real information about yourself. If they aren't interested then you aren't wasting your time. If they are then chat, meet, see if you actually like them and if they're a good man or not.

SunshineAngel · 01/02/2020 12:27

I know it might not be the biggest lie in the world, but I just think starting a relationship off with a deliberate lie is a bad thing to do.. honestly.

I don't think many people have a cut off of 30, just a certain number of years above and below their own age.

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