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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make myself 1 year younger on online dating

73 replies

Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 15:31

Ok so I've started online dating again (ugh, here we go again xD) and set my age to 29 instead of 30. Reason being, I feel a lot of people set their cut off at 29.

(I noticed it before when I joined earlier in the year just for a quick look around - that I was getting like a third of the messages that I had got at 29. With the same pics).

I think this might be because guys assume women in their 30s might not want the same things as woman in their 20s.

I don't want children and am not in any rush for marriage so to widen the pool I thought I'd make myself year younger.

I think it's OK provided I mention it on the first date that I am actually 30 right? (Could even just say it was a slip of the hand selecting ages. But tbh I'd probably just tell it like it is). I think if a guy did the same, I would be OK with that too. It's just a year.

But I also don't know if it maybe sets a bad precedent that its OK to lie...?

What does everyone think?
Would it bother you if a date had done this?

OP posts:
Flicketyflack · 24/10/2019 16:22

It's odd Hmm

TemporaryPermanent · 24/10/2019 16:23

Do it if you like - it's not unusual - but I think it's a bit daft. I read a couple of profiles like that and it just brought to mind the fact that they could be lying about everything. I also assumed they had an issue of some sort with their age.

highheelsandwitcheshats · 24/10/2019 16:26

How long do you do this for though? When is your birthday? Because the gap only gets bigger. At what point do you embrace being in your 30s?

StellaRockafella · 24/10/2019 16:35

A year is nothing OP, so I'd have no qualms doing it. I find that age can be quite elastic online anyway. But be aware that if you're doing it, others will be too - (some) men take 5-10 years off their ages online although to be fair, you can usually tell by their pictures that the dates don't quite add up!

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 16:38

I don't intend to be on it till my next bday xD just thought I'd do it for a few weeks, maybe a month, go on a few dates.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 24/10/2019 16:42

Why would you even want someone who thinks that way and has such a close minded view of the world.

I’d be weirded out by anyone desperate enough to pull tricks to end up in certain brackets tbh

charm8ed · 24/10/2019 16:44

I’d be honest. There’s a good chance you’ll get lots of messages from older guys who won’t mind if you’re 29 or 30.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 24/10/2019 17:06

Right so, general agreement is that I shouldn't risk it. So I've just changed it to 30.

Might have a date on Sunday waiting to hear back from him when he's next online. If my sudden age change doesn't change his mind haha. Probably should have held off and told him on the first date as originally planned and then changed the profile after but heyho.

Just seeing you can't update age from a phone ap anyway so it being stuck on 29 for a few days and not fixed (till on a computer) is perfectly plausible. Hopefully no harm done haha.

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 24/10/2019 17:14

OP online dating isn’t a test for people to deem whether you’re worthy or not, view it as a screening for you to see how suitable they are.

Brian9600 · 24/10/2019 17:36

OP online dating isn’t a test for people to deem whether you’re worthy or not, view it as a screening for you to see how suitable they are This x100.

Also, on a practical level, what if you meet someone you really like? At some point you’ll have to fess up and risk them being put off by it. No one cares about a year’s age but they might well care about a lie and start wondering what else wasnt true.

JessicaRarebit · 24/10/2019 17:38

I think it’s odd. Not good to start off dating lying I don’t think.

Densol999 · 24/10/2019 18:13

Lol ! Its online dating not a fucking loan application Hmm
No one gives a toss about a year and I know exactly what you mean as people cut their search limits off at certain ages
I would often trim off TEN YEARS .... yes 10 years for all the pearl clutching MN's to faint over and because I look young I would still be told I look younger
My fiancé is 42 ....... so Im 2 years older than him ...... apparently .... I wonder how I can avoid my DOB at the wedding preps as Im really 55 !!! Grin

Pearl clutches collapse and die !!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/10/2019 18:20

YANBU - I set my age at 10 years younger because men always want to date someone 10 years younger than them and I don't want to date someone 10 years older than me !

Asta19 · 24/10/2019 18:24

Meh, I’ve done it myself and by a lot more than a year! It’s never caused me any issues. People on MN tend to come across straight as a die. Never lie, never do this or that. But people do. And you’re right about the cut off thing. That’s why when I was 40 I listed myself as younger. Not because I wanted to deceive people but if`I put my real age all I got was 60 yr olds! Some guys never knew because we split up before it ever came up. Some I did tell and they didn’t give a shit tbh.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 24/10/2019 18:28

Why would you want a man who blatantly wants a younger woman? Even at 29 you'd be at the top of their range.

Save yourself the hassle and be honest. I've seen men do it and wonder what else they're trying to hide.

FlyingNorth · 24/10/2019 18:35

I wouldn't. If anything see it as a way of filtering out men who make ridiculous assumptions about 30 year olds.

JAPAB · 24/10/2019 18:36

Hmm what's that old joke? What is the longest year in a woman's life? The three years she spends being 29 (or 39).

Anyway I can't imagine it would make a real difference to most people unless if they were earlier-20s and maybe someone in their 30s may seem a bit 'further away'. But it is what it is. Giving false information to them in order to get them to give you a chance is probably not best all round.

Mellowsedge · 24/10/2019 22:42

My search range is 25-29 as it's rare to find a hot 30+ year old as women tend to age badly in England. I think it's the fast food, drinking, tanning, party, work hard play hard lifestyle in their early to mid 20s that hugely effect them in later years. The perfect age is 26. If you can get away with 28 so much the better. I'm 46 and turned down girls just because they don't look young which is what guys want deep down

coconuttelegraph · 24/10/2019 22:50

You sound like a great catch mellowsedge, he careful OP you might attract someone similar

Temeraire · 24/10/2019 22:58

If you did want to do it and it’s a difference of less than a year then “I don’t like to give my correct DOB to websites unnecessarily for data protection reasons” would be a reasonably plausible explanation of why you did it. Put your DOB in as 31/12/1989

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/10/2019 22:59

The perfect age is 26. If you can get away with 28 so much the better.

Presumably you don't expect any of these relationships to last long enough that you'd celebrate a birthday, or see a passport, etc?

That said, at 46, I shouldn't think that you'll be attracting many 26 year olds with genuine intentions... I'm within your age range and it'd be a hard no from me.

FrenchSchnoodle · 24/10/2019 23:00

Do it. I was 10 years younger at one stage. Enjoy

Ronnie27 · 24/10/2019 23:02

Do it. I lie about my age all the time in real life. Grin

morrisseysquif · 24/10/2019 23:03

I would, just say you slipped up on the year, nobody will think anything of one year, people will think if you wanted to lie you'd make it 3-5 yrs !

Cleverplayonwords · 24/10/2019 23:04

@Mellowsedge assuming you're not a troll. You're delusional, most women in their 20s do not find men in their mid 40s attractive - seriously.
Also I'm assuming you know you're going to be very sad and lonely one day?