To not want to send one child on holiday?

[PumpkinP]

I am a single mum to 4, ex is absent and doesn’t pay any maintenance and I’m at home as a carer as 2 of my children have disabilities.
(Just giving back ground as to why we’ve never been on holiday)

A family member has offered to take one away on holiday. But Aibu to not feel comfortable allowing one to have a holiday and the others miss out? I would be paying not the family member. They are just saying they are going on a holiday so if I want to pay for one to come they are happy to take them. Aibu to say no? It’s the thought of one getting a holiday and others not and probably not getting one until they are adults, and then deciding which one gets to go. Or am I being silly and if they all can’t go then I should let one atleast have the opportunity?

Would the 8 and 7 year olds really want to go to the Caribbean without you, with someone who doesn’t usually look after them?
My 7 year old won’t even go to grandparents house or a friend’s house overnight. I don’t think my ten year old would go by herself either. 12 year old might, at a push but only just.

I think it would be a no from me. They’re too young, it’s too far, too expensive. For the cost of sending one to the Caribbean you could take them all somewhere really lovely!

Tbh I actually find it easier to manage on holiday than in town, if I go somewhere like Butlins where everything is immediately accessible and I can give the older ones freedom. It gets easier as they get older. But even when my oldest was 7 and youngest a baby I used to take them to Butlins for a break because it was easier than home.

I think I’d say no and look at options for a holiday you can afford yourself. If you can’t manage it now then in a few years.

I’ve decided I won’t send one thanks for the comments

I wouldn't be letting my kid go the carribean without me either Op.

I think it's OK to send the eldest if they want to go, promising the next one the next opportunity whenever it might be. It is a given for the eldest to have a privilege.

It is a given for the eldest to have a privilege.

Why?

Anyway, i think you've made the right choice OP

I wouldn't permit it. It's not fair and could breed resentment in the children.

YANBU to say no. But you do all deserve a holiday. Have you had a look at these organisations listed on Gingerbread's site. They all provide support - sometimes financial - for single parents with SEN children to go away on holiday.
Link here

www.3hfund.org.uk
www.familyfund.org.uk
www.happydayscharity.org
www.holidayhomestrust.org

These seem to be the most useful links from the pages.

I wouldn't have a problem in theory with her taking just one - after all, you admit you wouldn't be able to deal with four on your own, so she can't be expected to either. It's just that the 8yo is too young to go so far without her DM.