To think DS can spend his birthday money on what he likes (within reason)?

[weymouthswanderingmermaid]

DH is really annoyed. DS was 10 on Monday, and ended up with a fair amount of cash from friends / family, lucky boy.
We went out yesterday, and he saw his "dream" trainers in a local shop. Tried them on, swooned a lot, I checked that they weren't cheaper on line (they weren't), so he bought them. They were £95.
Now, I wouldn't spend that much on a pair of trainers, and I think they are horrible. But he LOVES them.
When he told DH how much they were, he said it was ridiculous, how could he spend that much on a pair of shoes, what about all the other stuff he could have bought etc. He didn't shout or get angry, but made it clear he wasn't happy.
Of course he could save his money / buy a super duper Lego set or something. But DS is so happy, and I know he will wear them to death.

So, AIBU to think it's his money, he can get what he likes as long as it's legal and age appropriate (and not £100 worth of sweets )?

It’s an expensive purchase with his feet growing but it’s his money and he should spend it on something he wants.

He could have chosen a lot worse!

My son one spent £60 on Pokémon cards So believe me, there are far worse things your 10 y.o could be buying! The fact is, it is his money and I actually think that's quite a mature purchase; they will be worn regularly and he appreciates them a lot more because he has spent his own money on them.

I think at 10 you need to start giving them the freedom to make their own decisions about how to spend their money. Its also an important lesson for them to learn the value of things. As I said, my Ds bought his Pokémon cards and regretted it a few weeks later (I did warn him repeatedly while he was in the shop) - I just said "Well, you'll not make that mistake again."

Make sure you remind your husband of his opinion next time you see him buying a 'wasteful' coffee, snack or gadget he doesn't need and could spend more wisely on.

Bonus points if son can say it

I think you're right and your DH runs the risk of spoiling this for DS.

@RhiWrites I know! He bought a slightly larger size than was needed, though knowing him he'll destroy them before he grows it out them. If not, little bro can have them.
He's at that annoying age now where he knows what he wants re brands etc, but also knows there's no way on earth I'm getting him expensive trainer so it's something he needs to save for.

I think that was an excellent choice. Much better (less mess) than LEGO and he can enjoy them everyday for a year.

Mmmm well it is his money after all. But secretly I agree with DH best part of hundred pounds on a pair of plimsolls( as my old mum calls them).
But it’s his money. Hope he wears them a lot.

I’d have let him. Though I’d have made sure he got them at least 0.5-1 sailed too big!

My bro used to do that and wear an extra pair of socks, until he ‘grew into them’ - meant his fancy teenage trainers could last 8 months rather than 4-5!

*sizes

@Beamur DH is a lovely man. Nothing else will be said about it. I don't think he could help himself yesterday though as he has zero interest in clothes, shoes etc so to him this was madness! But I think he definitely needs to accept its DS's cash so is his choice.

My son spent nearly £100 on vbucks. I think trainers are a good choice. Mine have to save a bit but otherwise they can spend it on what they want. I do find it frustrating but it is their money.

I agree with you, and the above posters. It's up to him. He's old enough to learn the monetary cost of things, to decide what he values, and to make mistakes and learn from them.
I don't understand some of DS' (9) purchases but he seems happy with them, and he has long since learned that plastic tat is indeed plastic tat.

Remind your husband that being a child isn't about being responsible. It's about fun while learning and maturing. I think your 10yr old made excellent choices and will remember those trainers long after they've fallen apart because he was trusted by you to make the decision to buy them.
I'd have stepped in when hubby started and made a big deal about how sensible ds was when making the decision.

YANBU. Sounds like a great way of spending the money - if he's interested in certain expensive brands, you're likely to have a battle on your hands over the next few years, so it's good that he learns that he can't have what he wants when he wants, and if he wants expensive trainers, he might have to compromise with other wants elsewhere.

And bonus points for buying them slightly big, because that's what I'd worry about with expensive trainers and a 10 YO - sod's law that a growth spurt will follow shortly and the joy will be short lived.

I'd also worry that a 10 YO might be starting to grow out of lego, so that's not nececessarily the great investment that it might be.

Up to him.
If DH wants the Lego he can buy it himself

You never grow out of Lego.

@chillandrelax I won't let my DS's spend any money online, I've managed to get away with it so far. (And they aren't allowed to play Fortnite either, I'm such a dictator!). But, I know that will need to change at some point. I'm just trying to push it back for as long as I can...

Whilst I agree that it was his birthday money and he could spend it on what he likes, I have to admit that, even at 57, I would rather have spent it on Lego than a pair of shoes.

If he bought them with his own money then fine. Dad can take the piss out of him, but kindly. If he's pleased with them you don't want to spoil his fun. He'll learn.

Its your ds's money so ds desides how to spend it. was my dds 8th birthday recently, she had been going on about getting (horrible) boots that she really doesnt need, but when she realised she had enough birthday money for them she was so happy we went and got them, they were £50 so still expensive, she's over the moon with them, just like your ds, and i tgink its important they learn about buying expensive and unnecessary purchases themselves. My other dd is a nightmare wants an expensive starbucks but wont use her own money on it and unless ive offered to buy i wont give in when she has her own money, its a case of wanting stuff but not using her money for it.

I did the same thing when I was slightly older. I think they were also £95, it was Nike shox when they first came out and I loved them.

It is a crazy amount of money to spend but I agree with you, it’s his money so his right to spend on what he likes. I had a friend in primary school whose Mum wouldn’t let her spend any of her birthday/Christmas money, she had to save it all...

I think it’s a waste of £100, but no more so than if I decided to spend a similar amount of my own money on a really nice jumper, or boots, or a necklace. Does your DH never spend any money on himself? No golf clubs lying around? No decanters? No unnecessarily expensive tools? Hmm.

YANBU. It's his money, and he's spent it on something he really wanted that he will no doubt get a lot of use out of. It's exciting when you realise you can afford that X item, and then to be told you can't spend your own money on it would be so disappointing!

DD just did this. £95 on her dream trainers.

It’s was her money and it’s important for her to learn to manage it.

Your DS is learning the old issue of one expensive dream item versus multiple cheaper smaller items. It’s a debate is adults often have with ourselves and that’s a good life lesson.

Your DH is being a killjoy and your son will learn that lesson about his dad too sadly.

Surely that's what birthday money is for isn't it? Treating yourself to something you wouldn't ordinarily buy. I think it's 100% fine. Happy birthday to your son. X