To think DS can spend his birthday money on what he likes (within reason)?

[weymouthswanderingmermaid]

DH is really annoyed. DS was 10 on Monday, and ended up with a fair amount of cash from friends / family, lucky boy.
We went out yesterday, and he saw his "dream" trainers in a local shop. Tried them on, swooned a lot, I checked that they weren't cheaper on line (they weren't), so he bought them. They were £95.
Now, I wouldn't spend that much on a pair of trainers, and I think they are horrible. But he LOVES them.
When he told DH how much they were, he said it was ridiculous, how could he spend that much on a pair of shoes, what about all the other stuff he could have bought etc. He didn't shout or get angry, but made it clear he wasn't happy.
Of course he could save his money / buy a super duper Lego set or something. But DS is so happy, and I know he will wear them to death.

So, AIBU to think it's his money, he can get what he likes as long as it's legal and age appropriate (and not £100 worth of sweets )?

I think it's fine, I would have let DS buy them.

I have a rule that they're only allowed to spend £10/£15 on online items such as bloody Vbucks, the rest has to be on items/experiences.

I bet the trainers are lovely!

Just the kind of thing that birthday money is for.
He'll take good care of them now he bought them himself.
And decent trainers are almost worth the money.

You have done the right thing. People have given him money to buy something that he would like and that's what he has done!

Both my DD's have a bit of a trainer obsession so I fear this is just the start for you all!

My DS has just spent nearly £300 on a coat.
I would never spend this much but he has saved birthday money and he can spend it on what he wants.

Your DH is being VVU and your DS will probably remember that outing to buy his trainers for the rest of his life. I think it's really important to have things you love and use.

I've just had similar with youngest DS. He wanted a specific brand of trainers, spent hours researching them online, deliberating over the possible options and finding where they were cheapest. They were his birthday gift from us and he has loved, used and looked after them very carefully. They look brand new and he plans to sell them on Ebay to part-fund his next pair.

Why would my DP waste hundreds on a stupid handbag? A simple bag for £25 would be fine. Just spending because of the brand.

Me: I'll just buy this expensive branded car/watch/phone/TV even though a standard one would be just fine.

Its all luxury goods - there is no 'sensible' thing to spend birthday money on unless a 10 year old is planning to start his pension early

Just make sure he looks after them, so he can sell them on eBay or DePop when they get too small.

Yes - and make sure you keep the box and wrapping too, that can add value!

Perfectly OK for a 10 yo to spend £95 on trainers that he loves. In fact I'd have probably chipped in the £30 or whatever that I'd have normally spent on his trainers (assuming he was due a new pair of course) as it would have saved me buying him a pair.

It's absolutely up to him what he spends his money on. He's a kid and it's not as if he should be paying the gas bill with it. It's very important to allow DC as much autonomy as you can rather than being the sort of funsponge, pissy parent who will only allow 'pleasures' that the parent likes/approves of. If you let your DC enjoy their own money and own choice of leisure activities, they are more likely to listen to you when you do have to prohibit something (eg you can't spend your birthday money on hiring a hitman or a couple of ounces of cocaine).

My son does this too. He loves his trainers and wears them all the time. He also cleans them when there is any dirt on them! He is 13 now but has bought an expensive pair with his xmas/birthday money for 3 years in a row now.

It’s up to him, it’s his money.

£100 is cheap to learn a life lesson about the value of money (and/or of looking after your stuff!)

My DS12 has a march birthday and considerable amount of family on his dad's side, so gets a fair amount of cash at Christmas and birthday and it burns a hole in his pocket! We've had the Pokemon card phase, the Vbucks phase (still) and wanting a gaming PC instead of his 2 year old PS4. He bought himself some Apple Airpods despite not having an iphone and there being lots of cheaper alternatives. I thought he was mad, exh thought it was mad, but he adores them and uses them every day. I'd rather he spent it on something he uses and loves, rather than 7.99 here and there on crap like Vbucks. We go out and he's looking at stuff longingly, doesn't desperately want it but just knows he has money and wants to buy something! He's got a lot more sensible lately, after several wastes of money

Getting £95 trainers is the birthday memory that’ll stay - how great it felt.

Keep it that way

I agree with you and operate similarly with my three although they’ve never had that much money to spend!

I do try and steer them away from 15 blind bags of crap but I never say no.

Its all luxury goods - there is no 'sensible' thing to spend birthday money on unless a 10 year old is planning to start his pension early

Exactly! 10 year olds should get everything they need from their parents/carers. Birthday money is for what you want, and I agree with PPs who say that it's better to spend a lot on what he really wants rather than fritter it on lots of little things.

My 9 year old's main birthday present was a pair of boots. She loves them and uses them which is more than can be said for many toys.

I'm just waiting for her feet to be the same size as mine so that she can buy any shoes she likes and I get to keep them when she grows out of them.

So I think your DD was not being unreasonable in spending his money on trainers and I hope your DH hasn't made him feel uncomfortable or have doubts about them.

Yes, keep the box

DS bought expensive trainers for £90 (birthday money) and sold them on for £50 when he grew out of them

I love trainers and regularly spend a small fortune on them 🤦🏻‍♀️ So this wouldn’t bother myself or DH. Better than flittering it away on fifa packs, or cheap high street shoes. If he looks after them they will last!

He's bought what he really wanted with his own money, and he is over the moon. Sounds like a successful birthday! Good for him.

Awww I'm glad almost everyone thinks that this was the right thing to do. Of course birthday money is for what you want, not what you need. DS has everything he needs, we're not broke so he doesn't go without. Equally, he knows that I will not buy expensive branded stuff for day to day use, that kind of thing he has to get himself.
He's also a big fan of charity shops and eBay, just like me, and loves getting a bargain. So he likes the names, but is fine if they aren't new. I get him new school shoes and football boots, but generally his trainers are (good condition) second hand so he can have the Nike Air Max etc but they will have cost a tenner not 60-70quid.
I'd actually forgotten that he did something similar last year, the trainers weren't as expensive, but they were a type that I was no way going to pay for. He bought them, wore them constantly, and completely wore them out over 9months. He loved them, and he got the most out of them.
This years are far more special as he genuinely didn't think he'd ever own a pair of them, said lots of times yesterday "I can't believe these are mine". It was lovely to see. He's a sweetheart

And he has a handful of friends who get bought this sort of thing as standard by their parents. He never says that it's unfair that we don't get them for him, he understands and respects my view, which is lovely.

It is a lot of money for a pair of trainers for a 10yr old who's feet probably grow at an alarming rate. But if that's what he really wanted and he's happy with his choice why not?

@Ilovetolurk Thank you but I don't want to encourage it I can't stand them!

I’m biased because when I was growing up my parents mantra was “it’s not worth spending that much money for a child” and I was never allowed anything trendy or cool, and had to wear weird clothes that they picked for me, when all I wanted to do was fit in. So I think it’s great you let him choose what he wanted, he’ll feel really good wearing his new trainers and learn a bit about independence too.