To think DS can spend his birthday money on what he likes (within reason)?

[weymouthswanderingmermaid]

DH is really annoyed. DS was 10 on Monday, and ended up with a fair amount of cash from friends / family, lucky boy.
We went out yesterday, and he saw his "dream" trainers in a local shop. Tried them on, swooned a lot, I checked that they weren't cheaper on line (they weren't), so he bought them. They were £95.
Now, I wouldn't spend that much on a pair of trainers, and I think they are horrible. But he LOVES them.
When he told DH how much they were, he said it was ridiculous, how could he spend that much on a pair of shoes, what about all the other stuff he could have bought etc. He didn't shout or get angry, but made it clear he wasn't happy.
Of course he could save his money / buy a super duper Lego set or something. But DS is so happy, and I know he will wear them to death.

So, AIBU to think it's his money, he can get what he likes as long as it's legal and age appropriate (and not £100 worth of sweets )?

When my DS was that age his feet were growing so fast the trainers were still in good condition as they became too small. We would ebay them - for a £100 pair of Nike or Adidas we would typically get a third back selling them.

One amazing time I sold a second hand pair for more than the new pair had cost me.

So whilst a lot of money for trainers, they are desirable and either they will be worn to death (in which case worth spending money on) or can be sold on.

DS I am sure cares more what his friends think than his dad in any case

My 11 yo dd did the same. Wouldn’t have dreamt of spending that much myself. She recently told me she got half a size too big to allow for growing room. I did respond her feet may have stopped growing. (I bloody wish....) Hers were £20 more than your ds. This was the entire stash of birthday cash plus the contents of her purse.

YANBU.

Just make sure he looks after them, so he can sell them on eBay or DePop when they get too small.

(make sure he doesn't wear/take them to school - as they will get "nicked" or will be one of those that are slung over telephone wires - why do they do that???)

i think it's a brilliant way to spend birthday money an it's a reason you get it in the first place. Presents should be something you want, a treat that you wouldn't normally have (Chanel No 5 instead of a cheaper perfume for example) and i think your DS has made a good decision.

Better than frittering it away on nothing in particular.

Are they Jordan's? My DS bought himself Jordan's with his birthday money- they're awful!

Also 10 btw.

His money, he can spend it on what he wants. If he grows quickly and doesn’t wear them much, then that’s a lesson learnt.

Your DH has a point here. It's a ridiculous amount of money for a 10 yr old to spend on trainers. The child has no appreciation for quite how much money that is. He could have bought some other trainers and other items he needed.

I think you are right that he should be able to spend his money on something he wants but I also think that he should be guided with his choices. £100 worth of sweets is not a good choice neither is £100 on a pair of trainers (for a 10 yr old).

Your DH has just said what he thinks. You know he has a valid point which is why you are posting here.

Yanbu. His money, his choice (within reason as you said!)

@NKFell - if you have a look on Ebay, hideous as they are there's a massive market for second hand ones.

YANBU.

I have often been dismayed at what DS chose to spend his money on, but as you say it is their money and sometimes it will be a valuable lesson to spend money on something that they really want but that turns out to be crappy and disappointing, however depressing that is.

DCs sometimes learn more by making their own mistakes, than by listening to wise advice from their parents!

In this case although it is a lot of money I can think of far worse things than trainers.

YANBU

I do have a bit of a cheek though, my DS was 10 on Wed and got quite a bit of money. He wanted to spend a lot of it on VBucks for Fortnite and I told him no, I let him get a £10 Xbox card and to either save or spend the rest on something more tangible. If he had his heart set on £95 trainers then so be it.

Air Force ones? Or air Jordan’s? Totally worth it. 😀

My Ds spent some birthday money on vbucks . Now that’s a waste of money imo.

We aren't looking after children, we're growing adults.

If he buys them and regrets it, he's made a great and important life lesson about stupid spending and consumerism for himself. If he buys them and loves them for ages and they are totally worth it to him, he's learnt about budgeting and saving for things he really wants.

If you tell him what to buy, all that you've done is rob him of life lessons he needs.

Mine spent most of her time s birthday mom ney on Dr who DVDs. Whatever makes them happy (within reason) is my rule of thumb.

My goodness. I wish mumsnet had a delete button. Damm phone.... Spent most of his birthday money on Dr who DVDs..

We do set limits, we ban birthday money being spent on in-game purchases or virtual things. I think you're right to allow the trainers. When my DD was a bit younger than that, I gave her the choice between Primark winter boots "just because" or, if she wanted expensive ones, they would have to be her main birthday present. She went with the birthday ones and absolutely loved them. I make a point of letting her choose some clothes I'd never pick for her myself, too, and usually she ends up looking lovely in them. It's good for children to make different choices to their parents, and having their parents respect that.

I hope your DH hasn’t spoilt this for DS. Those kind of harsh words about decisions can stay with you for a very long time

I was older than your DS, but it was years ago and kids grow up faster now

I can still hear my Mum complaining about what I’d bought...

It IS a lot of money for a pair of trainers, but as you say he tends to wear them out before he grows out of them, these Might last longer it’ll be interesting to see if he treats them any differently 😂

I don't think anyone should judge what others choose to spend "extra" money on. (I'm thinking of adults too who obviously have financial commitments). Anything can be seen as a "waste" if it's not what you're in to. I hate the cinema and, at the best part of £50 for two if you have drinks and snacks, think it's a horrendous waste of money! However, I can appreciate that some people like the experience! I'm sure there's plenty I spend my money on that would seem wasteful to others. I agree it's important for children to learn financial lessons. Either he will regret buying them and it will be a lesson learned, or he will get a lot of joy out of them and feel it was worth it. But it should be his choice.

DS2 spent £110 of his lego vouchers and cash on the giant Star Wars ship. He then opened all the packets mixed it all up, put it in a box and has never looked at it again.

I think it's good to let them choose for themselves within reason when it comes to birthday/christmas money. They get such a lot of pleasure at this age in having the item they really want rather than say 2 cheaper items. It also makes them really consider their purchases because it makes them realize that if you choose A you can't have B ext. Occasionally they make the wrong choice and again this is a relatively cheap life lesson.

When my daughter was a child I would often go halves for things she needed but she wanted a better 'name' ext. It worked really well and sometimes she would decide she would rather keep her own money and have the less expensive item. If she chose more expensive with her own money she got a lot of pleasure out of the item and really looked after it.

I think if it was a lot of money you could encourage saving at least some of it - but otherwise its their choice. Money is there to help the child pick something they really want after all.

Trainers are stupidly expensive, but luckily both my kids aren't that bothered by peer pressure so have fairly practical approaches to things like footwear. So when my DS was 16 and wanted a stupidly expensive pair of Adidas (he was almost apologetic bless) we were fine with that