Wwyd - work situation

[Blackjack15]

Hoping for some genuine advice please.

I've recently returned to work after having my daughter nearly a year ago. Since returning I have reduced my days from 5 days to 4. Baby is with grandparents and nursery: all fine. Since returning to work it's become apparant that a lot of my duties have been split between new & existing team members and I have very little to do. I feel I'm being slowly pushed out and might be at risk of redundancy. My boss is a lovely lady but so busy she rarely has time to speak to me. I've tried filling my day, volunteering for extra tasks and just generally keeping myself busy. It's fair to say I get on really well with my teammates, work is relaxed, flexible hours and with the occasional opportunity to wfh. Whilst I've been on mat leave another team member has been recruited full time and given almost the exact same job title and role as me.

I have applied for another job, it's very similar to my current role and I've been offered the job. It is significantly more money than I currently earn with more potential for the future. However it's a full time 5 days a week role with no flexibility. It would mean constant rushing to collect and drop at nursery and very little time to myself. All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

So wwyd? We don't essentially need the extra income but it would be nice to not be scrimping every month.I have to decide by the end of the week. Any advice appreciated.

Take it for sure. You don’t know what is going to happen with your current role. But make it very clear a cleaner will be hired, the weekly shop done online and your DP has to do some of the pick up/drop off, cleaning, meal prep.
Congratulations!!

All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

Well he's going to have to figure it out the same way you do.

So why can't clean on his day off?

If you are feeling at risk of redundancy, take the other role.

If your role has clearly been reduced and you feel you are at risk of redundancy, you could see whether they will offer you a settlement to leave. Obviously in this situation you would have to be the one to ask as you are unlikely to be made redundant due to issues around pregnancy related discrimination etc.

If I've learned anything on MN, it's that mothers who aren't married to the father of their child absolutely need to maximise their earning potential, because if it all goes wrong they lose out massively. So I'd say go for it.

(I know married women can lose out massively too, but at least they can go to court!)

Take the role get a cleaner and outsource. Ironing.

I would speak to your current employer and tell them that you have another job offer which you are tempted to go for because you feel like your role has diminished since you left. If they try to keep you and offer you a bit more money and responsibility but you get to keep your four days a week you are sorted. If, like you suspect, they have no real need for you anymore, then go for the other job. You have a bargaining point at least.

Take the job. I say this as someone who was a SAHM for the majority of my children’s lives (now late teens). Ignore all those who talk about spending more time with your child. I’d say the time in my children’s lives when they benefited from me bein around most was from 8 - 11. Who knows what you’re position will be by then, you may have a more established career and have far more flexibility so be able to wfh, part time etc. Do the time now, establish yourself, be a role model to your kids. Get a cleaner, use the extra money to make life as easy as possible even if that means your don’t really benefit from it in terms of extras. You’ll have a good job, feel satisfied and know your doing your very best for you, your child and your partner.

He also needs to step up. When I started a full time job I hate a chat with the whole family about how they’d all have to do more, everyone agreed but it was too vague. Inevitably nothing changed and I was stressed, so I recommend you be more specific. Look at what needs to be done and divide it up so each one of you has certain responsibilities.

Good luck. Try not to get drawn into the SAHM v WAHM debate and guilt fest, most Mums feel guilt you can’t be perfect. Good enough is actually good enough.

Join a trade union relevant to your industry

^ yy.

It's an insurance policy and it gives real peace of mind. They provide so much support in my workplace and (perhaps idealistically) I feel my subs not only protects me, but it gives the benefit to all, because the Union is viable if they have funds from membership.

If your employer has a Union presence in the workplace, it has a significant influence on how grievances are handled, you have the ability to request your rep to join you at meetings (where a rep is permitted in the policy) and respect employers give staff is generally better when someone is breathing down their neck They should have your back, but then it cut both ways, you need to be reasonable, unions aren't magicians!

It's going to be tough, new job, trying to impress, adjusting to new people, new ways, new culture and losing a day off, but being bored is horrendous and wears you out after a while.

If this an opportunity that doesn't come often, you need to grasp it. As for feeling guilty, what is it that makes you feel bad?

I worked ft from the time my children were not even 1. They've grown to be happy, mature, well adjusted and mature adults. I have no regrets.

Definitely take the job! Me and DH both work FT, he drops them at nursery for 7 and I leave early for work, I leave at 4.30 to pick them up and DH works a bit later than me. We outsource the cleaning and the ironing, so during the week it's just dinner and bedtime for the kids to do and weekends we just do family stuff because the cleaner comes Tues and fri and because we are all ouf every day it doesnt get messy I bung a load of laundry on in a morning and stick it in the drier when I get home and thsts about it. Been doing this since kids were 9m and 18m old, they are almost 3 and 4.5 now and no regrets at all