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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd - work situation

87 replies

Blackjack15 · 23/10/2019 20:24

Hoping for some genuine advice please.

I've recently returned to work after having my daughter nearly a year ago. Since returning I have reduced my days from 5 days to 4. Baby is with grandparents and nursery: all fine. Since returning to work it's become apparant that a lot of my duties have been split between new & existing team members and I have very little to do. I feel I'm being slowly pushed out and might be at risk of redundancy. My boss is a lovely lady but so busy she rarely has time to speak to me. I've tried filling my day, volunteering for extra tasks and just generally keeping myself busy. It's fair to say I get on really well with my teammates, work is relaxed, flexible hours and with the occasional opportunity to wfh. Whilst I've been on mat leave another team member has been recruited full time and given almost the exact same job title and role as me.

I have applied for another job, it's very similar to my current role and I've been offered the job. It is significantly more money than I currently earn with more potential for the future. However it's a full time 5 days a week role with no flexibility. It would mean constant rushing to collect and drop at nursery and very little time to myself. All the housework, admin, cooking, collection & drop offs fall to me as my partner works very long hours & is often not home until late.

So wwyd? We don't essentially need the extra income but it would be nice to not be scrimping every month.I have to decide by the end of the week. Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

alwayscauseastir · 23/10/2019 21:17

Take it. I went full time when I returned from Mat leave due to similar circumstances. Partner works away so no help from him, and no family help either. Both children went into wrap around care, after which there wasn't much financial gain. BUT, it did enable me to climb the NHS ladder and now, three years down the line I'm significantly better off financially and down to 30 hours with three days a week WFH. Kids never suffered as a result, intact I bet they can't even remember it. I worked full time for 16 months before my new job came along and I don't regret anything. Yes it was hard, yes I did it alone and hardly saw my kids, but it was worth it in the end

timshelthechoice · 23/10/2019 21:22

I'd take it. Never, ever compromise your earning potential to enable an unmarried partner. I'd assign him his share of the load. He doesn't get a Get Out of Life pass because he works.

sunshiney78 · 23/10/2019 21:23

I wouldn’t. When your DC is 18/25, and you ask them what they would’ve preferred, they would say more time with you. The years are short.
You can go full time when DC starts school if you really want to.

Boysey45 · 23/10/2019 21:23

I'd take the job and talk to your husband about him stepping up regarding the chores. So what that hes getting in late, tell him to get up an hour earlier to do them or start as soon as he gets in from work.
He sounds a waste of space.

RedskyToNight · 23/10/2019 21:26

When your DC is 18/25, and you ask them what they would’ve preferred, they would say more time with you.

The DC will seriously not remember that their mother worked 4 days rather than 5 when they were a toddler.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/10/2019 21:27

All I heard was you do all the housework and some excuse for your DH.

BlackSwan · 23/10/2019 21:31

Take the job - push yourself, and enjoy the challenge. And when you quit, tell them how disappointed you were that your role was whittled away on the assumption that you weren't up for a career any more since having a baby. Their loss.

Chewbecca · 23/10/2019 21:32

Is there any possibility of pt or flexibility in the new role? Try asking?

Span1elsRock · 23/10/2019 21:46

I wouldn't spend less time with a child.

They won't appreciate what luxuries you can afford....... they will appreciate your time and attention.

BrokenWing · 23/10/2019 21:46

When your DC is 18/25, and you ask them what they would’ve preferred, they would say more time with you.

Just asked ds(15) and he said he remembers nursery was really good playing with friends and he saw me every night and all weekend so why would I need to work less?

Goingonagondola · 23/10/2019 21:50

I absolutely wouldn't take the job. You'll never get the time with your child back. And full time work with no flexibility is shit and stressful. That's no way to live. Have your flexibility and your time with your daughter - they're worth more than any money (assuming you can make do on what you currently earn).

TreePeepingWatcher · 23/10/2019 21:56

I'd say take the job, outsource what you can and if you are organised your household can run smoothly. I have a laundry schedule which works like clockwork. Have a look at (worst title every) The Organised Mum Method. I have been doing it for a long time, the time can be divided up into smaller chunks if needed.

Lots of children are in full time nursery, they are being cared for by professional staff, stimulated, engaged, why is this a bad thing? You will progress your career and as you said it seems like you are possibly whether intentionally or not are being managed out.

Take the job.

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2019 22:00

God, go for it!

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 22:09

I would take it in a heartbeat, as I suspect your partner has with his.

It’ll be short term pain for long term gain - and it’s your perfect job!

Get your partner to step up and outsource cleaning and as much other stuff like that.

Well done!

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 22:10

PS I had two in full time nursery from 8 months - no issues with them and none with me

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 22:11

They are ten now btw, have no memory of nursery and are very very close to me. Our relationship definitely did not suffer.

LellyMcKelly · 23/10/2019 22:11

Take it. Go full time and have a frank conversation with your partner about roles and responsibilities. See how the new job goes. After a while you may be able to negotiate flexible hours or a shorter working week. We both worked full time when the kids were little and they went to full time nursery. They’re now 10 years older and still have Close friends from then. If it doesn’t work out and you hate it THEN rethink it.

suggestionsplease1 · 23/10/2019 22:15

Take it.

Toughtips · 23/10/2019 22:17

I'd take the job, I find it easier to manage working full time than part time. Reality is, kids don't actually care when they're at school 830-3:30 and before school years they're too little to remember. I don't think parenting means being at home every day. It's nice sure but only if it's going to make you happy. I've been fortunate in that I've had best of both worlds. Was home for 8 year. During that time I took on little jobs, became a freelancer etc and now work full time and both kids are in school. Don't regret any of it. Go with your heart x

BloodSuckClub · 23/10/2019 22:19

Do It! Hire a cleaner x

LoveBeingAMum555 · 23/10/2019 22:19

Take it. After maternity leave I took a lower grade job with less hours thinking it would make life easier, I was bored and came to hate it. I changed jobs and it was hard juggling everything but I was happier. My sons are 18 and 21 now and don't remember me working when they were little.

INeedAFlerken · 23/10/2019 22:21

Take the job and REQUIRE your partner to step up and do and pay his share of household work and childcare costs. He's not helping; he's doing/paying his share.

As others have sad, outsource cleaning and have food delivered. He can order food too. He can arrange for cleaners too. He can cook and pick things up and do laundry. He'd have to do this if he lived on his own.

Tell him to grow up and act like an adult ... he has a child, time to grow up!

Justaboy · 23/10/2019 22:26

Looks to me that their managing you out where you are and the redundancy issue?, not that good:(

So If i were you i'd go for the new job, you might even like it more apart from all the daily rushing around, my ex managed that and it was all OK so i think go for it:)

WorldEndingFire · 23/10/2019 22:27

Join a trade union relevant to your industry. It's often too late to join if there is a pre-existing grievance but just see what they say as there's nothing to lose and they may let it slide. All too often people don't realise the value of being in a union until things go wrong at work. If you work place has an established union, join that one, if there is no union, join whatever feels best. Speak to your rep, make sure that you have them or someone who is an ally to you (even if it just a colleague) attend any official meetings with you - never attend alone. Being in a union will give you access to free legal advice and representation should you need it as well as a host of other businesses. Never be without a union again!

www.tuc.org.uk/join-union

Loveislandaddict · 23/10/2019 22:29

How long have you been back at work? If you have been away for a long time, then your old duties were bound to have been filled. It may just be a case of you settling back in, and your colleagues getting used to you working. Can you be more assertive and do more of your old job?

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