Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenagers

51 replies

Connie12 · 23/10/2019 12:12

Hi, I’m a older mum and would like some to ask younger mums with teenage boys a question.

My friend tells me that it’s the norm now for 15 year olds to smoke weed in the garage with their friends and have their girlfriends stay over in their beds. Am I totally out of touch with the world or is this not the norm at all.

Would really appreciate any replies.

OP posts:
pikapikachu · 23/10/2019 12:15

None of my teens have invited boyfriends/girlfriends. One has smoked weed but not in my garage.

youngestisapsycho · 23/10/2019 12:18

I know some teens that are allowed to do this... I do not think it is normal though. My teens certainly do not. People parent differently though.

marblesgoing · 23/10/2019 12:21

Nope nope and def nope.

My now 22 year old has moved out but from 19 to 21 his girlfriend was allowed to stay over two nights a week no more.

I caught him smoking weed once and nearly throttled him with his t short Hmm
He was too scared to do it again.

Worked for me x

eenymeenyminyme · 23/10/2019 12:22

It's not the norm but it happens. Depends on who the teen mixes with and what their parents allow / know is going on really...

LoveGrowsWhere · 23/10/2019 12:23

Was at an U16 sports match with other mums at the weekend. 5 of us & all the sons had not had girlfriends that we know about so even if they have the girlfriends have never been round to meet parents let alone sleepover. No smoking weed here, DS knows I would be furious.
Disclaimer I'm not young.

Leflic · 23/10/2019 12:23

I think it’s normal for the kids that smoke weed. My son and his friends aren’t interested in smoking anything including fags. Or drinking.

I think it’s a bit odd frankly but there’s quite a lot that don’t want to emmulate their wilder parents.

fishonabicycle · 23/10/2019 12:23

No bloody way! Mine is 18 now and there is no way he would be allowed to smoke weed at home (as far as I know he doesn't smoke at all). And he did have a girlfriend for nearly 2 years and was told by his dad she could stay in his room when he was 18.

cactusthief · 23/10/2019 12:23

It's not the norm, but you only have to look at Mumsnet to realise lots of people can't be bothered to parent their kids after the age of about 8. The amount of 'it's only weed' posts I have seen referring to kids is shocking.

It's horrendous Sad

Windydaysuponus · 23/10/2019 12:25

I have a ds 15 and no way would I accept drugs or under age sex. Ds has his gf over but no funny business!
Older ds 18 was allowed his gf to stay at 16..
Your house, your rules op.
I am 48 btw...

TeenPlusTwenties · 23/10/2019 12:25

No.
Only the ones with the irresponsible 'cool' parents.

HostessTrolley · 23/10/2019 12:28

Nope.

My daughter at 15 used to have her boyfriend (15) to stay as he lived a long distance away. They could sit in her room and watch Netflix or whatever, but her bedroom had an older brother’s bedroom on either side and they had to be out by 11, when they could come and watch tv downstairs or go to bed, but boyfriend slept in one of her brothers rooms. My sons hadn’t had girlfriends at that age.

Windydaysuponus · 23/10/2019 12:30

I would consider myself a cool dm. I know my ds's agree. But they respect my rules /opinions. We are very close. They discuss all sorts with me.
Envy def not envy.
In fact they went nc with df for lack of parenting /boundaries..
Don't slacken your beliefs to be his 'mate' op. Being his dm includes the rough..... He will take it..

RedskyToNight · 23/10/2019 12:33

I have a 15 year old boy and he is not doing either of these things.
Neither are any of his friends (and I think he'd admit to his friends doing it, even if not himself).

He does have a couple of friends who regularly get very drunk at weekends, but the general consensus amongst his friendship group is that they are idiots.

So no, I don't think what you're describing is the norm.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/10/2019 12:37

I have a 15 year old son and absolutely no to both of those. And not normal for any of his friends either

Chickychoccyegg · 23/10/2019 12:40

Not the norm with my dd or her friends who are 15, she hasn't had any boys staying over and is very anti smoking in general as are all her friends.
i do sometimes see other dc from her year at the local shops/park smoking weed, so some obv do, doubt its with parental approval though.

mummumumumumumum · 23/10/2019 12:41

No, that's not normal at all

underground76 · 23/10/2019 12:47

No, definitely not the norm at 15.

I certainly think boyfriends/girlfriends staying over is probably pretty normal when they get a bit older, but I don't know any parents who allowed it when they were underage.

I don't know any parents who are happy for their kids to smoke weed at 15. I know parents who are aware their kids smoke weed at university and don't make an issue out of it, but they wouldn't let it happen a) at home or b) at 15.

PastTheGin · 23/10/2019 12:54

No to everything here, too. Ds is 15 and nobody in his friendship group (as far as I know) is smoking weed, drinking or having girlfriends/boyfriends stay over. Nor would any of the parents think this would be ok.

As far as I can tell the majority of my Year 11 students in a local comprehensive school would not do this or be allowed to do this, either.

timetochangeagainforever · 23/10/2019 13:15

No, not normal. My daughter is 20 and neither of these apply and my son is 14 nearly 15 and again, doesn't smoke weed or have his girlfriend stay over

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 23/10/2019 13:24

My youngest smoked at bit of weed aged 19 but it was a short stage thing that lasted one summer. There was special circumstances that allowed me to turn a blind eye as long as it was just the odd bit of bud.
No girlfriends staying over in teens or random allowed but at 21 he now lives in my annex with his girlfriend. Been together a couple of years and are in a committed long term relationship. Rarely drinks, doesn’t smoke and working full time in a decent career.
Older son never smoked even a cigarette and doesn’t drink. No random girls and not in a relationship at the moment. When he is they will be allowed to stay but he is now 23.

FizzyIce · 23/10/2019 13:25

Hell to the no

Wolfiefan · 23/10/2019 13:27

You need new friends.

Cupola · 23/10/2019 13:34

My 16 yo has tried weed and no doubt will again in the future. His gf of 2 years is allowed to stay in his room with him around once a week. I'm a liberal parent but with a level headed son

Cupola · 23/10/2019 13:36

I might add the staying over has only been allowed since 6th form. I'm aware they've been sexually actively for 18m however

Wurfit · 23/10/2019 13:38

This was going on thirty years ago when I was a teen, in some households. It certainly wasn't the norm though, and it still isn't now.