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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenagers

51 replies

Connie12 · 23/10/2019 12:12

Hi, I’m a older mum and would like some to ask younger mums with teenage boys a question.

My friend tells me that it’s the norm now for 15 year olds to smoke weed in the garage with their friends and have their girlfriends stay over in their beds. Am I totally out of touch with the world or is this not the norm at all.

Would really appreciate any replies.

OP posts:
Branster · 23/10/2019 13:39

No, it’s not the norm at all.
And Why would you want the responsibility of encouraging underage sex under your own roof.
They might randomly try weed at a party but that’s the minority.

Topseyt · 23/10/2019 13:43

Not the norm here. Mine are girls aged 24, 20 and 17.

Your friend is wrong.

DramaAlpaca · 23/10/2019 13:50

Mine are early 20s now. I have zero tolerance to drugs at home & random overnight girls are banned too, only steady girlfriends. What you've described is not the norm in my experience.

L271 · 23/10/2019 13:57

Definitely not! My teen does smoke occasionally when out with friends but absolutely not allowed to smoke at home, that applies to both weed and regular tobacco. Hell no to sleepovers at 15! I would allow it at 18+ for serious long term relationships.

ShawshanksRedemption · 23/10/2019 13:59

No. It's not in the teenage boys best interests to let them smoke dope and have girlfriends in their beds. However if the parent(s) have a set up where their teenage boys are doing it anyway, then I can see why those parent(s) would prefer it happening at home than down the park or elsewhere.

Watsername · 23/10/2019 16:55

Nope nope nope

30to50FeralHogs · 23/10/2019 17:11

Not my DCs, but they certainly know of others in their year for whom this would be the norm.

DS1 is 19 (& ASD) has never drunk alcohol or smoked anything but he has had his previous GF over to stay when they were 16.5/17 and his current GF at 18/19. He used to hang out in the garage with his friends and even slept out there, but there was no weed, just alcohol. Some of them do smoke cigarettes and weed though, but thankfully not round my house! I would smell it a mile away if DS had done it, so I'm 100% sure he hasn't.

DS2 is 15 and very much a mature young man, he mocks other boys who are drinking and smoking at his age, certainly none of his friends do and most of them are older. He also has a slightly older GF who hangs out in his room - with the door open! - but she wouldn't stay overnight for a couple of years yet.

My DP's DD is also 15 and does drink alcohol with his knowledge, and has had some wild parties without his knowledge She also has friends who are sexually active, who smoke and apparently even one who uses cocaine. I would not be happy about that I must say, but he seems surprisingly relaxed, presumably because she's very open about it and he trusts her not to get involved with any of it. That would scare me shitless I think!

I don't think its 'normal' or 'not normal' - there will be kids of all ages either doing or not doing those things. I'm just glad two of mine are definitely on the 'not doing' side! DC3 is 12 so we'll see how that turns out - fingers crossed!

30to50FeralHogs · 23/10/2019 17:13

I wouldn't have a big issue with older kids smoking weed occasionally, but not if it was an every day thing. And I'd prefer that to cigarettes actually! The odd joint at a party isn't going to be as harmful as a 20 a day habit for life.

BrokenWing · 23/10/2019 17:16

I have a 15 year old, and the most he does is 2 cans of dark fruits cider maybe once or twice a month at a friends house.

He and his group of friends don't even consider smoking never mind weed, they are very much anti smoking/drugs and don't get why anyone would smoke when it basically kills (long may it continue).

He knows loads of kids in his year and older years and is only aware of a very very small minority in school a couple of years older where there are rumours they smoke weed, but the majority of kids avoid them anyway for other reasons (they are arseholes that think they are cool).

Girls staying over isn't even on the radar.

gabsdot45 · 23/10/2019 17:18

I have a 15 year old and he doesn't smoke weed or even have a girlfriend. If he did have a girlfriend I would not let her sleep over.
He also doesn't drink alcohol.

I don't know that any of his friends do either.

EntropyRising · 23/10/2019 17:19

I have a 17-year old.

I was pretty strict with him at 15, I would have absolutely not permitted either of these things.

Now at 17 he's absolutely not permitted to have overnights with girls, but to be honest the pot thing is basically out of my hands. I disapprove of it mightily, but I've opted to keep my powder dry for another day.

EntropyRising · 23/10/2019 17:20

^^I expect he smokes pot occasionally.

IHaveBrilloHair · 23/10/2019 17:22

It's widely smoked at our local high school, they have Police officers on site often.
I got Dd out of there for 5th year, (Scotland)
As to her smoking it, yes, she has/does occasionally, not in my house.
Her BF was allowed to stay over when she was 15, they are still together, and now live together.
She's 18, he's 19 and they are both doing brilliantly with further education.

minesagin37 · 23/10/2019 17:25

...and if it was no one on Mumsnet would own up to their 15 year old smoking and having sex anyway!

LoyaltyBonus · 23/10/2019 17:26

It will depend entirely on the social circle. It's certainly not unusual so in some groups it will feel like the norm but not for everyone.

I work at a provision for 200 children excluded from school, it's definitely common amongst our children, quite often with the endorsement of their parents Sad

Itsallpetetong · 23/10/2019 17:38

Nope. Not the norm amongst my friends kids.
I walked past a couple of kids in the same school uniform as DC yesterday & they were smoking cigarettes & I thought how glad I was that mine didn’t smoke.
Definitely wouldn’t be allowing smoking weed & having a girlfriend staying in his room!

swingofthings · 23/10/2019 17:56

Definitely not the norm here either. Quite a few smoke outside of home but not in their garage with their parents agreement.

I have a couple of friends who allowed their ds to have their girlfriend in their room from 16yo, but as they said, they would do that anyway when they are at work, and they prefer to know where they are.

I would go ballistic if I found my ds smoking in the garage and I wouldn't have been happy with him having a girlfriend staying overnight at 15, maybe ok at 17.

PrincessRaven · 23/10/2019 21:03

My ds says ....er no??

pearldiver19 · 23/10/2019 21:08

The norm? Good Lord.

This country is broken beyond repair.

OddBoots · 23/10/2019 21:12

Not something I have ever known happening.

Cuddling57 · 23/10/2019 21:55

No way!

Original poster
Connie12 · 24/10/2019 18:41

Thanks so much to all you mums for your very honest replies. It’s comforting to know the world has not gone completely mad.

OP posts:
teamthirteen · 24/10/2019 18:46

Hell no. DS is 15 next month and recently got a gf, there will 100% be NO sleepovers of any kind!!!

titchy · 24/10/2019 18:48

Normal amongst lazy shit parents.

TriciaH87 · 24/10/2019 19:11

My eldest is 13 in a few weeks. This will not be happening at 15. As two parents who do not smoke we have told our kids firmly smoking will kill them. My eldest saw my aunt suffer lung cancer so knows how bad it is. We tell him if he smokes he will die, because either we will throttle him or he will get cancer or lung disease. He knows if he comes home smelling of smoke we will know because we don't smoke and will smell it. I grew up with parents who smoked so I would easily know. As for gf staying over. Wouldn't even allow a gf upstairs personally until they are both at least 16 possibly older depending on how long they have been together and maturity level. I had my eldest at 19 and his father has been absent most of his life. Thankfully having two boys they both know if they ever had a child and walked away from that child I would kick their arse.

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