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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not act as guarantor for my DB?

74 replies

user1471605514 · 22/10/2019 13:10

My brother is splitting from his wife and needs to find a new home for himself and his 2 children immediately as they are being evicted. This is through no fault of his own - his DW had been lying about paying the rent.
He has asked whether I could be guarantor for a new rental as he has a poor credit rating (due to financial abuse by DW) and I feel awful but have said no.
The rent is in an expensive area (he needs to stay in the area for work and the children’s school) and I would not be able to afford even one months rent on top of my own outgoings if he were to not pay. It’s not that I don’t trust him but he is in a new job on a temporary contract and who knows what is around the corner.
I feel awful as we are the only family in a position to help but it would be a massive worry on my shoulders if I agreed.
He is saying he is incredibly hurt that I won’t help him but doesn’t seem to appreciate the risk I would be taking.
So AIBU?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 22/10/2019 13:11

You are not being unreasonable, you are being very wise and sensible. Your duty is to your family. Do not be guilt-tripped.

It's okay to feel sympathetic, and still say no, and he should be aware of the rather huge risk and burden he is asking you to assume on his behalf, and understand and accept your reluctance.

StiffCock · 22/10/2019 13:12

YANBU obviously.

You just need to keep repeating basically what you've said above:

"I'm sorry you're hurt. I didn't mean to hurt you but I'm living close to my means and I'm not willing to take any financial risks. I trust you, of course, but no-one knows what's around the corner"

Almostalive · 22/10/2019 13:12

Definitely not BU. I would never act as guarantor for ANYONE.

Reallynowdear · 22/10/2019 13:15

No, yanbu, your brother should not be making you feel guilty.

Just keep offering your support in non-financial ways.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 22/10/2019 13:15

I would help my brother in those circumstances. It’s only for a rental. What is the term of the lease? Worst case scenario is that for some reason he can’t pay, has to move out and you would be liable for the rent until new tenants moe in (because the landlord has to mitigate its loss). It’s a risk but in those circumstances I’d help him.

percheron67 · 22/10/2019 13:24

Never act as guarantor. Who knows how long he will be in financial trouble and involve you.

savethebeestoday · 22/10/2019 13:26

TulipsTulipsTulips - OP is saying she can't afford even one months rent if something did happen! Then she would be buggered financially like her DB!

Foslady · 22/10/2019 13:28

@TulipsTulipsTulips the guarantor can move with the tenant though, and the OP has already said she can’t afford 1 months rent, let alone 6. And if there are any damages to the property that will be up to her as well, cleaning when he leaves if not done to their standard etc......it’s potentially not just a few £100 (as if we all have that knocking about.....)

woodchuck99 · 22/10/2019 13:33

YANBU. There are companies that will act as a guarantor so I would direct him towards them although I'm not sure if his bad credit rating will effect this.

Idontwanttotalk · 22/10/2019 13:34

YANBU. I can see why he is hurt but you cannot put your own position at risk, especially as you could not afford it if he defaulted. StiffCock's response is perfect.

You are being very sensible and hopefully, he will realise that in time. He is probably still smarting from his wife's lies over finances.

PhantomErik · 22/10/2019 13:35

Don't ever act as guarantor unless you can afford to cover the financial responsibility should you need to!

Yuccatree · 22/10/2019 13:44

I don't think YABU, but can understand his desperation and disappointment.

Can he not contact the local housing authority and try to get social housing in the area set up?

I know somebody personally who could not move from an area due to children being in school, work and joint custody with father in that area and the local council paid for a privately rented property until a local social property became available. (Rural area so limited housing) Of course she is lucky to have been offered such a resolve but I would point him towards the local Housing Options team.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/10/2019 13:48

You can't. You don't have the money, if the worst happened not only would he be in trouble but you'd end up in the shit too.

He should be relieved though as the whole point is that he gets a good guarantor who CAN help so that if he does end up in trouble he won't lose his home. If you say yes to being guarantor to him it simply means he has no safety net - pointless.

ThreeLittleDots · 22/10/2019 13:52

I would, especially if he took out insurance against an unexpected loss of income.

I felt really hurt when my rich Aunt declined to be a guarantor when I was a student (no history of unpaid rent, I had a job and full student loan, guarantor only required due to student status).

nestisflown · 22/10/2019 13:52

He should be relieved though as the whole point is that he gets a good guarantor who CAN help so that if he does end up in trouble he won't lose his home. If you say yes to being guarantor to him it simply means he has no safety net - pointless.

That's a great point @FizzyGreenWater

ThreeLittleDots · 22/10/2019 13:53

Or perhaps I'd agree if he found a permanent rather than temporary contract.

nestisflown · 22/10/2019 13:56

Completely different circumstances @ThreeLittleDots. Your aunt was rich, OP is not. Your aunt would only have been guaranteeing a room for you rather than a whole house. I could probably afford to pay someone's student accommodation in addition to my own bills, but I couldn't pay for a 2/3 bed property. It would be reckless for the OP to act as guarantor in the circumstances where she couldn't even help out for 1 month in the worst case scenario.

AgathaTheAardvark · 22/10/2019 13:56

You can't act as guarantor if you can't afford the rent. Yanbu.

sparkles07 · 22/10/2019 13:58

I was guarantor for my sister in a similar situation, but only because we did the maths that if it all went tits up, we could afford to make the repayments without her (just with living off bread kinda situation) so decided to do it. It will be paid off in January and I'll be so releaved and will never do it again! Too much stress and worry.

Beautiful3 · 22/10/2019 14:02

You are not being unreasonable. You are doing the right thing. Acting as a guarantor is a massive financial responsibility. If you cannot afford to cover him then absolutely dont do it. Your family comes first. An old school friend whom I hadn't seen for over 10 years, contacted me to ask me to act as guarantor. I asked my neighbour as she was one for another property. She advised me not to do it, as she had just been in court for unpaid rent.

DonKeyshot · 22/10/2019 14:03

As your brother has dc his local council/authority has a statutory duty in law to provide accommodation for him and his family.

However, it may be that accomodation will not be made available to him unless/until the baliffs come to evict him in which case it will be in his best interests to stay put until the inevitable occurs.

Tell your brother to make enquiries at his local housing department to clarify his position.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/10/2019 14:04

If you can't afford to do it you can't afford to do it. I don't blame you for not wanting to take the risk.

PetraDelphiki · 22/10/2019 14:04

I very much doubt they would accept you as a guarantor anyway if you can’t afford it!

YobaOljazUwaque · 22/10/2019 14:09

If you wouldn't be able to pay his rent on top of your own expenses then you would be rejected as a guarantor anyway. A guarantor has to be wealthy enough to bear the full burden of the rent if the tenant defaults.

FinallyHere · 22/10/2019 14:12

he is incredibly hurt that I won’t help him but doesn’t seem to appreciate the risk I would be taking.

You are very much not being unreasonable.

His is VVU, fair enough to ask but he is trying to pressure you into accepting a financial commitment that you would not be in a position to honour.