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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not act as guarantor for my DB?

74 replies

user1471605514 · 22/10/2019 13:10

My brother is splitting from his wife and needs to find a new home for himself and his 2 children immediately as they are being evicted. This is through no fault of his own - his DW had been lying about paying the rent.
He has asked whether I could be guarantor for a new rental as he has a poor credit rating (due to financial abuse by DW) and I feel awful but have said no.
The rent is in an expensive area (he needs to stay in the area for work and the children’s school) and I would not be able to afford even one months rent on top of my own outgoings if he were to not pay. It’s not that I don’t trust him but he is in a new job on a temporary contract and who knows what is around the corner.
I feel awful as we are the only family in a position to help but it would be a massive worry on my shoulders if I agreed.
He is saying he is incredibly hurt that I won’t help him but doesn’t seem to appreciate the risk I would be taking.
So AIBU?

OP posts:

RainbowUnicorn1 · 22/10/2019 15:49

Yanbu. It's highly unlikely you would be accepted as guarantor if you don't have enough money to cover the rent should he not be able to pay. You usually have to earn at least 3x the monthly rent to be considered

katmarie · 22/10/2019 15:53

There are companies out there now which provide a guarantor service for a fee for people in your brother's position. Get him to do some research as to whether one of them would be able to work for him. I would definitely say no in your circumstances (although I too would feel really bad about it as well).

thecatneuterer · 22/10/2019 15:56

@TulipsTulipsTulips Worst case scenario is that for some reason he can’t pay, has to move out and you would be liable for the rent until new tenants moe in (because the landlord has to mitigate its loss). It’s a risk but in those circumstances I’d help him.

That isn't the worst case scenario. A worse, and much more likely scenario, is that he falls behind with his rent, and then doesn't pay it at all for a couple of months, but has nowhere to go (and no money to go with) so doesn't move out but has to wait to be evicted. That can easily take 8 to 10 months. So that's 8 to 10 months rent plus court costs that a guarantor would be liable to pay.

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2019 16:01

I would say no, dhs ex told everyone he was financially irresponsible but in truth she was racking up debts spending on the house.

Dh is very sensible with money.

summersherewishiwasnt · 22/10/2019 16:05

It’s unlikely you would be acceptable as guarantor it as you say you are living close to your means.
The letting agent will want proof of salary and viability.

NKFell · 22/10/2019 16:10

No, YADNBU but, I understand why your DB is hurt- it doesn't make you wrong though. In your shoes I would do the exact same.

Original poster

user1471605514 · 22/10/2019 16:10

Thanks everyone, it’s really helpful to get different perspectives.
As a lot of you have said, I don’t think I’d actually be accepted anyway. I am a home owner but although I have a good job on paper I now work part time and pay a lot out in childcare. I have always been sensible with money and I do have a good credit rating which is why I assume he thinks I could do it, but with 2 young children myself we don’t currently have any savings and my earnings would not cover our own bills plus his rent.
My DB is wanting at least 50/50 custody of the children as his DW really isn’t in a good place mentally at the moment to care for them.
I have offered them a place at mine but I live approx 1hr 20mins away so he wouldn’t be able to drop the children off and commute to work from mine.
I just feel so guilty, my brother is a good person and does his best by the kids but it could mess up my own family finances massively if it all went wrong.
It just feels selfish to not help out at a time like this.

OP posts:

NearlyGranny · 22/10/2019 16:15

But of course you can help out in lots of ways, just not this one!

crosstalk · 22/10/2019 19:43

OP So your DB's wife was lying about paying the rent? how come he didn't know? When he was working? The result is they're being chucked out and he's taking the kids? It's in an expensive area hence the need to rent there for his job and the DCs schools?

I have every sympathy but you cannot be a guarantor. Especially to someone who didn't know the rent wasn't being paid to the point where he and his family were being evicted.

Thisonemaybe · 22/10/2019 20:11

I’m pretty sure I read that Shelter will act as a guarantor. Worth looking into.

mikulkin · 23/10/2019 11:11

It is all about trust. I acted as guarantor for my friend's son but that was because I knew she will step in if her son couldn't pay (she is not in the UK and hence couldn't be guarantor herself).
I would act as my brother's guarantor if needed but again this is because I know he would never put me in a position when I lose money.
Looks like you don't trust your DB for this or another reason, if the reasons are valid (we cannot be judge of that) then YANBU, if you are just being cautious then YABU.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/10/2019 11:23

How can anyone be unreasonable for being cautious?!

The person you guarantee for may have all the intention in the world of paying. But shit happens. If they do not have the money to pay their bills then what's going to stop the debt collectors coming after you.

ChongADong · 23/10/2019 12:18

HI OP,
I am on the other end of this at the moment - landlord wants the house back urgently as wants to sell, DH has a CCJ so we needed a guarantor. My DSIS has amazingly said she will do it, however, her situation sounds very different to yours as she earns 60k. He needs to look at the criteria for a guarantor as it's different for each property - our rent is a lot PCM and as such they needed someone with minimum 39k salary. I'd be surprised if you'd even be accepted.
My DSIS has really got us out of a bind, without her we simply wouldn't be able to move, and I don't know how I can ever thank her enough tbh.
Your DB sounds like he's in an awful situation, but as I said, I don't even think you'd be eligible for guarantor anyway from what you've said. Hope he gets it sorted. Try not to feel too bad.

mencken · 23/10/2019 12:38

it's not a matter of 'won't', it is a matter of 'can't. You won't be accepted. Your brother needs to face the facts.

If Shelter will be a guarantor I'll give them a donation - I'd be staggered. They are an advice and campaign organisation only (and not always constructive campaigning...) they don't actually provide.

as mentioned there may be alternatives.

mikulkin · 23/10/2019 16:15

@Contraceptionismyfriend
it is not just a person, it is her brother. I am of the opinion that you help your family, if you trust them.
Yes, shit happens, but then one shouldn't leave the house in case he/she are hit by the car. Where do you stop being cautious?
Anyway we don't know the full story of OP and plus looks like she cannot be guarantor anyway given her financial situation

Butterymuffin · 23/10/2019 16:28

You can help in other ways but there's no good to come from committing to something that will get you into financial trouble too.

messolini9 · 23/10/2019 16:40

He is saying he is incredibly hurt that I won’t help him

wow, emotional blackmail piled on top of Cheeky Fuckery ...

Can you get it through his thick head that it's not about WON'T help, it's about CAN'T help?

I find it very hard to understand how he cannot already see this.
If you cannot afford to pay even a month's rent for him in the event of default, it wouldn't be helpful to have you as guarantor anyway - he'll get evicted just as quickly, whether you assume the guarantee or not.

messolini9 · 23/10/2019 16:43

I would help my brother in those circumstances. It’s only for a rental.

But you wouldn't BE helping, @TulipsTulipsTulips.
You'd be fraudulently guaranteeing to pay the landlord in the event of DB defaulting, knowing damn well that you could not do so. Even for one month.
How would that help the DB?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 23/10/2019 16:43

Brother, mother, father, Tom, Dick or Harry you do not sign your name to something that could fuck you.

What about OPs children? Helping her brother could have serious consequences for them.

Your comparisons are just ridiculous and embarrassing

woodchuck99 · 23/10/2019 16:49

The brother has children though so it's not straightforward. I think that he needs to mover to a cheaper area where a guarantor isn't required for a few months and drive the children to and from school. He could perhaps save enough to pay 12 months rent if he has a good salary and then he won't need a guarantor.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/10/2019 17:19

It’s not that I don’t trust him but he is in a new job on a temporary contract

And there's your get-out, if you feel you need one. I'm sure he's a lovely guy and I'm sure he'd be " very sorry about dumping this on you" if his job ends, but that's not going to help you is it?

Anyway, as PPs have said you genuinely couldn't afford to pay his rent for him, so there's absolutely no point being a guarantor even if you wanted to

mencken · 23/10/2019 18:00

OP CANNOT help, she won't be accepted as a guarantor.

facts. Learn to face them!

timshelthechoice · 23/10/2019 18:12

YANBU

NoraThePessimist · 23/10/2019 18:30

This is unrelated to trust, ffs at the comments suggesting that care = being the guaranteer (unlikely you'd be accepted anyway tbh).

There's no way you could consider it. Your dB doesn't seem to understand how acting as a guaranteer works i.e. you're liable for the rental, damage etc if he does not pay. Even if you could afford six months rent on top of your own, many extra costs could add up on top if he couldn't pay. It could end up bankrupting you if you cannot even give a month's rent.

You cannot and should not have been asked to be a guanteer in this setup. It has nothing to do with care or love!

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